It’s no secret that times are tough in 2024 between jobs being hard to find, prices being on the rise, and the housing market being all over the place.
Quite understandably, some people are getting desperate for a little relief, but that doesn’t mean they should feel entitled to handouts, especially from loved ones, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Cold-Brilliant-4578 had always dreamed of owning her grandparents’ house and bringing it back into the family someday after it had been sold, which her wife fully supported.
While her sister shared the same dream, the Original Poster (OP) never could have expected that her sister would dream of her buying the house just to gift it to her.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for buying my sister’s dream house?”
The OP dreamed for two decades of bringing her grandparents’ house back into the family.
“My (27 Female) wife and I (30 Female) recently closed on our dream house and it has the family torn.”
“Years ago, my grandparents owned ‘the family home,’ but when they died unexpectedly with a LOT of medical debt and expenses, our family had to sell their house.”
“It was heartbreaking and sad, and I decided as a small child that one day I would buy the house back. I shared those dreams with my sister.”
The OP’s wife fully supported her dream of owning the home, so they got to work.
“I met my wife when I was 18 and she was 21. Her parents owned a small rental that they allowed her to live in rent-free, just paying for the expenses.”
“She invited me to live with her a year into our relationship, and we got married a year after that.”
“I told her about my dreams of owning my grandparents’ house and she fully supported me. We began putting large amounts of money back for a down payment in the hopes that the house wouldn’t go on the market before we could afford it.”
“Because we didn’t pay rent and both had good jobs for our ages and the economy we lived in, we were able to put back a very very large sum of money. My in-laws also offered us a sum of $75,000 for the downpayment, and in total, we put back about $185,000.”
“About 20 years after my grandparents passed away, their house finally went back on the market at a massive price. The house itself is huge with six bedrooms, a large lakefront estate, and several features including a pool and a small guesthouse. We knew that this house would have a huge price tag, and we skimped and budgeted for nine years in total to afford my dream house.”
The OP’s sister was also excited to hear about the OP’s plans to buy the house.
“My sister was also house shopping at this time but with a much smaller budget. Her and her husband have children, student debt, and rented for the past several years and were not able to put back money in the same way my wife and I were.”
“When our grandparents’ house went on the market, I sent the link to my sister and said that we were finally getting our grandparents’ home back in the family.”
“She was very excited and said as much, and that was that.”
“My wife and I moved forward, visited with the owners and real estate agents, had it inspected, and made an offer. They accepted and we were absolutely over the moon.”
“Throughout this whole process, my sister kept saying how excited she was to have the house back in the family and how nice it would be for her children to know this house and grow up in it like she and I did.”
“Our grandparents’ house was the location of every birthday, holiday, gathering, and reunion, and my wife and I planned on making it that way again, which was why what my sister said didn’t raise any red flags. It was weird that she’d phrase it that way but not concerning.”
But then it turned out the OP’s sister had seriously misunderstood the OP’s plan.
“We had a BBQ at my parent’s house to celebrate the final closing of our house.”
“During the dinner, my MIL (Mother-in-Law) offered to kennel our dogs while we were in the stages of moving to keep things easier and them safe, and that was when my sister piped up.”
“She asked why our dogs needed to be watched when the real issue was her kids.”
“My wife asked what she meant, and my sister said that her kids would need more supervision than our dogs and that she was confused as to why we’d be so busy that our dogs needed watching.”
“I told her I was the one confused. I didn’t know she was helping us move and that if her kids couldn’t reliably be left to their own devices, then she absolutely did not need to help us pack.”
“My sister proceeded to ask why my wife and I would be packing.”
“I told her the obvious, we just closed in a house?”
“The conversation continued to go back and forth that way for a WHILE. As it turns out, my sister had it in her head that we were buying the house to either 1. rent-to-own it out to her family or 2. transfer the title to her name and have her pay us back in time.”
“Yes, that is literally what she was thinking, despite us never discussing anything like that once.”
“When I told her that was not happening, my sister threw a fit. She was p**sed because ‘this was her dream too,’ and that it wasn’t fair that only one of us could live it. That since she had children they deserved to grow up in the family home and what did my wife and I even need all that space for?”
“My wife told her that it isn’t ‘the family home’ anymore. It wasn’t left in a will, we purchased it, and now it is our home, and we decide what we will do with it.”
“My sister told my wife to shut up and that she had no say in this ‘family discussion.'”
“I informed my sister that if she spoke to my wife that way again, we would not be having any kind of contact with her anymore, and that she doesn’t get to assume we’re giving her a HOUSE and then throw a hissy fit when she’s put in her place. And we left.”
The family became divided over the house.
“My in-laws spoke to us on the matter a few times but all told us we were in the right and that my sister was very out of line.”
“I assumed everyone would agree, but if they did, I wouldn’t be on this thread. I got texts and voicemails from my parents, saying that we were out of line by threatening my sister.”
“They told me they were disappointed in me for taking my sister’s dream from her and that I don’t have kids so I can’t understand her want to provide them with a good home and childhood like she had.”
“They said that it’s only fair we set up a way to give her the house and that we could afford to find something else. Even my more distant relatives have said that it was cruel of us to ‘take that from her.'”
“I’m honestly super shocked and taken aback. I’ve seen stories similar to this on Reddit, entitled people thinking they should get their relative’s houses, but I never expected to live it. This feels surreal and I hate that we’re starting this new chapter out on such a sour note.”
“AITAH for buying my sister’s dream house?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that her sister was being totally delusional and unfair.
“NTA: Your sister is delusional and has made up a narrative in her head that she is ‘owed’ or entitled to certain privileges.”
“Your parents are crazy for reinforcing that narrative to her. Good on you for taking your wife’s side and not standing for the disrespect.” – EvryDayGal
“This sounds delusional to the point that I’d be concerned if I were the sister’s spouse or parent. Unless she’s been wildly spoiled her entire life, the leap to ‘my sibling is giving me a huge house, I can pay them back for whenever, and NO discussion about details is needed,’ is not normal or logical.”
“OP, you’re absolutely NTA, but install security cameras and introduce yourself to the neighbors as soon as possible so they know who to expect on the property. Also, make sure your locks are solid and there’s no chance you arrive to sister and family squatting on move-in day.” – CP81818
“NTA. Someone else buying a house and just assuming you’re the one moving in actually laughable. Why would anyone ever think that and then be shocked to find out the completely reasonable truth?”
“Not only that, but it never even crossed her mind that that wasn’t what was happening, and asking why her sister was packing her stuff and needed someone to watch the dogs. How could that never cross her mind?”
“Just right from the beginning, she assumed her sister bought a f**king house for her, lol (laughing out loud), like, ‘Oh, that must be for me! Look at how much everyone loves me because of how special I am!’ What an id**t.” – Tokeahontis
“This is really distorted, that she would feel entitled to have you buy her ‘dream’ and then somehow give it to her. Definitely get cameras, a security system, the works. Plus good insurance.” – grandlizardo
Others agreed and were also side-eying the family for their involvement.
“NTA, but this does sound INCREDIBLY delusional on your sister’s part. Protect your new life appropriately, and put your entire family on an information diet. Congratulations on your new home!” – Bambi_H
“I bet if OP thought really hard, she would come up with other things her sister threw a fit over and her parents scolded her for.”
“OP, you are NTA, not one bit. Your sister needs some professional help if she thought you and your wife were purchasing a house for her and her family to live in. That is delusions of grandeur on a scale that leaves me baffled.”
“Your parents need to be set straight too. If they cared so much, they could purchase the house for your sister. Have they all gone loony here?!?!?” – CuriousPenguinSocks
“NTA.”
“Why don’t your parents care about YOUR dream to own the grandparents’ house? Why don’t your family members care about your sacrifices to be able to buy the house? Is your sister the ‘golden child’ who can do no wrong?” – DifficultyWing2453
“I actually think it might have made a difference to OP’s parents like somehow the sister deserved more because she had children, and OP and her wife haven’t yet.”
“I am wondering if OP’s parents somehow see OP and her wife as less than because they are in a same-sex marriage. It shouldn’t make a difference, but I have a feeling it does. How else can this delusional perspective be explained?”
“NTA, but OP, your family needs help. It’s not your job obviously, but you might want to limit contact with them.” – plain—jane
After receiving feedback, the OP updated her original post with more information.
“I can’t read and respond to all of these comments but thank you! I will continue to update, but since posting yesterday morning, not much has happened. I will add a bit more of what’s happened since the BBQ.”
“I haven’t responded to any messages my family have left, I honestly didn’t think this was THAT big a deal, but after scrolling through the comments for a while with my wife, we’re both taking this much more seriously.”
“A security system isn’t an option at this moment. The house needs too much work at this moment to have cameras and such a setup. They’d be in the way of everything else being done, we’d have to have them removed for several of the things we need to be done, and we don’t even have internet access at the property at this moment.”
“I will be scheduling meetings with some companies to start coming out and working on the property before we get to the cosmetics. However, we do have someone coming out to change the locks on Thursday.”
“We won’t be moving into the house for a bit since it needs so much work before we’re comfortable. The house needs a lot of work. It hasn’t been updated or worked on in years, and the price reflects that.”
The next day, the OP shared an update in a second post.
“Thank you to everyone for being so supportive and offering advice. To those who suggested getting a security system in place, we are going to do that, but the house is not in a place where a security system can be installed. For the time being, we’re looking into getting some battery power trail cameras as suggested by one Redditor. We don’t have to worry about internet access and they won’t be in the way of renovations.”
“We are restoring the house back to its original glory, before the carpeted bathrooms and mismatched wallpaper, and otherwise modernizing it. Besides fixing broken s**t and upgrading old appliances, we’ll be having the floors redone, paint, wallpaper, new windows, and opening up some walls to have a more open concept.”
“For the next two weeks, my wife and I will be meeting with people coming out to work on electricity, plumbing, and a few other things and we do have a consultation with a home security company.”
“Along with cameras we’re looking to get alarms and door codes and set up an access gate around the property. It’ll be one of those that needs either a passcode or to be let in by someone in the house. We’ve already made an appointment to have the locks changed and aren’t concerned about my family trying to squat there.”
“My in-laws have allowed us to park their camper trailer on the property while work is being done not only for peace of mind but to avoid commuting back and forth multiple times daily.”
As for the update, the OP’s sister was quickly caught in her act.
“I sent a message to my parents and siblings yesterday evening, asking to meet up to talk things through and try and figure out what’s wrong and what exactly the h**l was happening.”
“Earlier today, my wife and I met my parents and my brother’s family at his house before my sister arrived. I let them know that if they tried to interrupt or control the conversation, we would leave.”
“I told them that I never once even suggested my sister would be allowed to rent out the house or buy it from us. I said I didn’t know where she got the idea from and showed them the text strings where I first sent her the listing and every conversation where I updated her on the progress.”
“My mom asked to see the rest of the conversations about the house, and I told her there were none”
“She informed me that my sister told them all that we had made an agreement that my wife and I would purchase it and then rent it out to my wife’s family until they’d paid enough to buy it. My sister had told her that we would live in the guest house and they’d get the main house.”
“She told them that we had went back on our deal and had ‘absolutely shattered her dreams of raising her kids in the house she grew up in.'”
“We gave our side and it wasn’t difficult at all to convince my parents that we were telling the truth. With the lack of evidence on my sister’s part and absolutely no legal documentation, my parents didn’t even attempt to try and back up what she told them.”
As it turned out, the OP’s family had blindly trusted her sister.
“My parents were very apologetic and let us know that they never would have said those things to us had they known the truth and that they supported us 100%.”
“My brother was supportive of us, as well, but he was never one of the people harassing us over this, so his reaction is less important.”
“Around then, my sister and her husband showed up. My BIL (Brother-in-Law) is a doormat and will give my sister whatever she wants so I wasn’t expecting much from him.”
“I asked her to produce any of the necessary evidence to prove that I told her we’d rent the house out to her. I stated that her lie was ill-conceived and that she better have a good explanation.”
“She attempted to suggest that I had deleted the conversation, but when she couldn’t produce said messages either, her story fell apart.”
The OP’s sister refused to accept blame for what she had done.
“She started crying, saying it wasn’t fair that we ‘got everything handed to us’ and that we ‘didn’t need a house this big’ and that we were rubbing our wealth in her face.”
“So to my understanding, she thought she could trick everyone into bullying us into renting our house out to her? I guess? Like some kind of f**ked-in-the-head Scooby Doo villain? Instead of using ghosts to scare us away, she’s using a fake rental agreement that she didn’t even attempt to make look or sound legit.”
“We let her know that she had a lot of apologizing to do before we’d consider having a relationship with her moving forward and that she wouldn’t be welcome in our home for a long time.”
“At the moment, our relationship with my parents is rocky at best, for obvious reasons. They let us know that they’re here to support us if we need moving assistance or help with renovations, but it’ll take some good hard thinking to decide if we’re okay with that.”
“We will not be giving anyone in my family a spare key, but my wife’s parents will receive one for emergencies. The house won’t be in a state to host guests for a bit so we are choosing to cross the ‘can my family be trusted at our home’ bridge when we come to it.”
“So yeah, not as drama-filled as a lot of people were expecting or hoping. I don’t see this as the end of it, not at all, but for the time being, my wife and I are focusing on dealing with our new house and not my sister.”
“She’s blocked on both our phones as of this morning and I’m not sure when I plan on unblocking her.”
Some were concerned about the sister’s mental health.
“Crazy how she got that idea in her head and decided it was good enough to trick your entire family. Thanks for the update OP, and I hope you enjoy your home as soon as it’s completed.” – chormomma
“I’m actually a little apprehensive, this was a very strange thing to do. I’m thinking she might be a few cards short of a full deck and there could be more to come.” – Mysterious-Art8838
“I’m a bit surprised that the parents didn’t ask to see the evidence from the daughter.”
“Like, ‘Hey daughter, what did OP say to you exactly? You got it in writing? Let’s have a look-see…'”
“Maybe that’s just me, but if I genuinely believed that one of my kids was screwing the other one over, I’d want to have evidence in hand.” – Worldly_Society_2213
“I think there could be a mental health component here. If she does s**t like this all the time, they would have asked for proof or assumed it was bulls**t. They definitely wouldn’t have jumped in to support her.”
“But that isn’t what happened, which makes me wonder if maybe she’s devolving mentally and that’s why the family is confused and misjudging her.”
“I mean, if my sister told me something like this, I would completely believe her because she’s a stable, trustworthy person. If it turned out to be bulls**t, I would definitely be concerned, like where did the lapse with reality happen?” – Mysterious-Art8838
“Even with them believing (with absolutely no proof or prior conversation with you) that your sisters lie was true, how would it be ‘fair’ to buy an 800k house for your sister?”
“Also, how on earth did it make sense to your parents that you were making an 800k purchase for your sibling and never mentioned it? Why would they never have said anything about it? If for no other reason than such an agreement could result in major family issues if she didn’t pay you back (which she wouldn’t) or there was a major repair or any one of many issues that could break the family up.”
“Did her husband ever say a word? Seem embarrassed? Anything?”
“The level of crazy that went into her delusion is pretty extensive. She really thought she could get all your family to convince you to give her an 800k present, which makes no sense if she’s not used to being heavily indulged.”
“A reasonable person would have realized that eventually someone would ask, ‘Where’s the agreement?’ and it would unravel. Is there concern something is really wrong with her, or was this just an epic brat moment, and she threw a major Hail Mary?”
“NTA, OP. Good luck. Please keep her out of your new home.” – Dachshundmom5
The subReddit was shocked that the sister not only invented such an incredible lie but also almost got away with it because of the support she received from the rest of the family.
While the OP was lucky in love and in-laws, she might need to take a long look at her relationship with her biological family and decide whether it was worth staying in close contact with them, especially now that they were expressing entitlement to a home she scrapped and saved for.