We all have movies, books, and other entertainment that we love, and we'll often find ways to represent that love, like clothing, merchandise, and special editions of our favorite books and films.
But naming children after characters might not be the best way to represent our favorite fandoms, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
When Redditor New-Fail849 first heard that her younger sister was planning to name her future baby girl after a character from her favorite fantasy book series, she knew that her sister would learn to regret it.
So when her niece came to hate her name as a tween, the Original Poster (OP) couldn't help but tell her sister, "I told you so."
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for telling my sister 'I told you so' because her tween daughter hates her name?"
The OP tried to warn her sister about the name she had chosen for her future baby.
"I (32 Female) have been having a bit of drama with my younger sister Ramona (30 Female) about her daughter, Egwene (11 Female)."
"Yes, dear reader, that is my niece's real name and is the root of the issue."
"Now, I love my younger sister, and we've always gotten along pretty well. However, she has always been into nerdy pop culture stuff, she plays D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) weekly, loves Marvel Movies, and is obsessed with fantasy novels. Her favorite, as you may have guessed, is 'The Wheel of Time' series."
"Now I know next to nothing about this series, but I knew enough to know that 'Egwene al'Vere' wasn't a name she came up with on her own."
"When she announced that was the name she had chosen for her future daughter, there was a bit of confusion and disapproval from the family, but no one strongly pushed back on it."
"That honor went to me. I tried to approach the subject calmly; I even gave her the 'You're naming a human being' speech; but she said she knew best."
"After a brief back and forth, I flat-out told her that her daughter was going to get bullied."
"She blew up at me, and I didn't push the issue any further because I could see that she wouldn't budge."
The OP's sister later couldn't understand why she and her daughter were arguing.
"Fast forward to now, and Gwen is a happy and healthy 11-year-old girl. However, she has been voicing lately that she hates her name."
"The teachers at school always get it wrong, and her classmates tease her constantly. None of this is helped by the fact that Ramona insists on calling her Egwene al'Vere, not just Egwene or Gwen, which she much prefers."
"Well, the two of them have been bickering a lot lately. Ramona has tried venting that Egwene won't shut up about her name, and she doesn't know what she's gonna do about her."
"I kind of sarcastically said, 'If only someone had warned you.'"
"She asked what I meant."
"I said she named her daughter something stupid and now she was facing the consequences."
"She said she didn't know why she even bothered coming to me and she should have known I was just gonna be a b***h."
"I told her if she had put more thought into naming her child, she wouldn't be in this situation."
After the argument, the OP's sister decided the OP was a bad influence on her daughter.
"Well, she decided Egwene can't come over to my house anymore because I'm 'putting bad thoughts into her head.'"
"She's also roped in our mother who agreed with me about the name, but said it was a low blow to bring up that I had warned her and that I should just suck it up and apologize."
"I don't think I need to apologize, but thought I should get an outside opinion."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP her sister had brought this drama on herself.
"Ah, if it's not the consequences of her own actions. She 100% brought this upon herself and did deserve a satisfying 'I told you so.'"
"She should have handled it with grace and been like, 'Yeah, I guess you were right,' and moved on. But no, she can't handle the fact that she made a bad choice and now has to suffer the consequences so she is taking it out on you."
"Your sister sounds insufferable. It might be worth it to apologize just for your niece's sake though. But do so with the full satisfaction, that you were right, did nothing wrong, and she is being a big baby." - Trixie_BBW
"NTA. Id**ts deserve to be told, 'I told you so.' Your mother is only shutting up now because she doesn't want to be next on the banned list. Weak and no conviction at all."
"Lucky for your niece she can change her name to whatever she wants and ask people to call her whatever she wants. My MIL and her sister go by their middle names. Went to school with about eight John/Jonathan's, and most used other names." - KindaNewRoundHere
"Whenever a teacher/sub/etc. asks about the name? 'My mom is an absolute id**t about the 'Wheels of Time' series. Everyone told her not to but she just HAD to name me AFTER A CHARACTER IN A BOOK. And not just any character, but one with a horrible name. That's my mom. Thankfully, it's close enough to Gwen that I can just go by that. I can't help that my mom was an id**t but I can at least get a usable nickname!'"
"Gwen needs to verbally throw her mom under the bus. Why? It will help prevent bullying. Her name is stupid, she knows it's stupid, she's laying the blame squarely on her mom for the stupid name, so what are they going to make fun of? The name, that she's already TOLD them she agrees is dumb?"
"Her mom, that she's already TOLD them is an id**t about her name? Take the wind out of their sails and make them find themselves agreeing with her instead of targeting her, it'll make things much easier." - maroongrad
"Nope, she had it coming. NTA."
"I understand liking a name from a fantasy book/movie or whatever else but she fails to acknowledge how it'll affect her daughter in the future. I bet she will change her name when she turns 18." - snookz90
"H**l, she's not even the one truly living with the consequences! She's refusing to even acknowledge her daughter hates the name by making a point of publicly calling her by her full name. I honestly see this ending a lot worse than just the kiddo changing their name at 18."
"Nothing to make you resent your parents like their refusal to see you as a human with your own problems and social hardships that could have easily been dealt with by not being a selfish prick in the first place and their continued denial of the problem when the child literally states the problem to them." - Substantial_Key4202
"Regardless of what you've legally named your child, if they seriously want to be called something else, then you should respect that. A name is a huge aspect of identity and one's self."
"If the daughter wants to go by Gwen or even a middle name then the parents should respect that. A child is a human with thoughts and feelings, not a living doll to be dressed and paraded."
"NTA." - Dropthetenors
Others agreed and encouraged the OP to do what she could to stay in her niece's life.
"It sounds like the OP's niece may need a safe place to vent and talk. Sounds like grandma is going to side with dumba** mom."
"It's sad that OP is the only one with a spine in this family. Maybe if everyone had collectively shamed her from the start, it would have prevented years of suffering for niece." - Rowana133
"NTA. I would consider apologizing ONLY so that you can keep in contact with your niece."
"Please know you did nothing wrong. I hate the 'be the bigger person' concept, but there is an 11-year-old girl who could probably use your support." - Mysterious-Choice568
"I have had to 'play nice' with my brother to stay in my niece's life (her mom died when she was seven and she calls me her Aunt Mom). My brother is like your sister and has used my niece as leverage against me."
"Your niece needs you to be someone she can be herself with. Since your sister refuses to be an adult, you have to be one." - opshleen
"At the rate Mommie Dearest is going, Gwen will most likely change her name and go no contact once she's 18. OP should hold firm and just make the most out of seeing her niece at family functions or calling and texting her, assuming Gwen has her own phone."
"If or when Gwen has social media, OP can talk to her there as well. It's important for Gwen to see people standing up for her and standing up to Mommie Dearest."
"Modeling healthy boundaries and having a strong backbone is important for children, especially young girls." - Electronic_Struggle8
"Sometimes you have to be the bigger person to be there for someone."
"I love Final Fantasy. While I'm childless, I wouldn't even use one of the more normal names on a kid. I did name my dog after the wolf at 16 because she looks almost identical."
"But it's a dog. Weird names work. Don't do that to a kid." - Alycion
A few even suggested saving for a gift for her niece's eighteenth birthday now.
"NTA. Kids aren't billboards for a person's fandom. Your sister is an id**t, and I hope your niece legally changes her name as soon as she turns 18." - BalloonHero142
"That's a child that is going to pay to legally change their name when they turn 18."
"If you want to be a good aunt, I'd look into, get all the info and paperwork, and the money for it for her 18th birthday." - Affectionate_Gas_150
"Best. Birthday. Gift. EVER." - fly1away
"Can you imagine the sister's look on her face when OP hands poor Gwen an envelope with everything needed to change her name?" - No_Efficiency_9979
"Do this, but give it to her privately. At any family celebration, give her a more public gift that won't send her mother into another fit." - Fenig
"I mean, it really just depends on how petty you want to be. I'd pay to have a lawyer who does this kind of stuff jump out of a giant cake at her 18th birthday holding a beautifully wrapped bundle of paperwork. But that's just me." - Impressive_Bus11
"That is genuinely the best gift idea for an 18-year-old. Make a card with a QR code or some s**t, lol (laughing out loud)." - TwoIndependent3006
"Be warned, though, this will probably be the nuclear option for your relationship with your sister, at least if you make it anything other than a quiet arrangement between you and your niece." - Karcharos
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
"This blew up way more than I thought it would; I kind of wrote this just to vent. I appreciate everyone's input. I had a lot of good advice, a lot bad advice, and some downright weird advice."
"But I have come to the conclusion I am going to apologize to my sister for my timing and my tone. But I won't apologize for saying Egwene is a bad name and will make it clear I support my niece over everything."
"A lot of you suggested setting up a fund for a name change if she wants one at 18, and I think that's a great idea. I looked it up and to file is about $80 in my state, but I'm sure it'll be far more than that by then."
"I'm gonna set aside $200 for now and add to it when I can. Hopefully, it'll be a nice little whatever-fund when she turns 18."
The OP also clarified a few points from her original post.
"I just wanted to answer some questions and clear up some things."
"My sister pronounces her daughter's name as 'Eh-Gwen Al Ver-Ray.' I don't have the slightest idea how it was originally intended to be pronounced."
"My sister isn't abusive or neglectful, nor do I think she's narcissistic. She is a responsible parent and loves her daughter deeply; she just has poor taste. I talk to my niece regularly and she usually spends the weekend at my house twice a month. she's never brought up any issues with her mom other than the name."
"My niece's father was never in the picture. We have a few ideas of who might be the father, but my sister has never confirmed any of them."
"I have never told my niece I dislike her name; I don't even mention it unless I'm sure she's not in the same building as me. I have told her that she doesn't have to like her name, and I'll call her Gwen because that's what she prefers."
"I am a woman, there were quite a few comments calling me a big brother which I thought was pretty funny. I'm also a mother to a five-year-old girl to all the people saying I don't know how hard it is to be a mother. My daughter's name is Callie if anyone is curious; feel free to judge me, lol (laughing out loud)."
The subReddit was shocked that the sister had chosen such an obviously fantastical name for her daughter, let alone the full version of the name instead of a shortened version.
The book series might be important to her, but her daughter wasn't meant to be a walking, talking rendition of her favorite fandom, but rather a person growing into her own identity, regardless of her name.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp