For many, the honeymoon is the best part of the wedding.
A time when the happy couple can get away from the stresses they’ve spent months planning for, breathe a sigh of relief, and just enjoy their new marriage.
Of course, even the best laid plans sometimes have a wrinkle or two.
Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Calm_Tank came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit with quite the problem and a hypothetical “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA) solution. It seemed her private honeymoon turned into something of a family affair.
She asked:
“WIBTA if I refuse to go on a trip I planned because I won’t get my own room?”
First, some backstory.
“Background info: my grandparents own a fancy hotel membership. When I got married 3 years ago they told me I could have a week of it for a honeymoon.”
Life, of course, found a way to make it more difficult.
“This was delayed 3 times due to my school schedule, money troubles and then COVID. We finally decided to go end of summer.”
Time waits for no one.
“In the past few years I’ve noticed my grandparents getting older and I know I’ll eventually run out of chances to be with family so I asked them if they wanted to make it a family trip and they were agreeable to inviting my parents, siblings and themselves along.”
Seemed a simple request
“The one condition was that I (22-Female) and my husband (25-Male) got our own bedroom. Now onto the issue… we chose Disneyland as the location. The hotel was 4 separate bedrooms in it.”
Well, that worked out nicely.
“One for my grandparents, one for my parents, one for me and my husband and one for my sister (23F) and brother (20M) to share. Everyone was happy with this although my siblings grumbled a bit. There is a pull out couch if it really becomes an issue.”
Or not.
“Now my brother just announced that he’s engaged and he wants to bring her with him on the trip.”
“My grandma is particularly excited as she never really considered my brother the settle down type and the prospect of her last name being passed down is a big deal to her.”
The focus is still on the honeymoon though, right?
“She thinks we should have an engagement party when we are in Disneyland and wants my sister to sleep in our room so that the 2 of them can have privacy.”
Oh.
“My sister lives with me and my husband and they said that my brother’s fiancé might be uncomfortable sharing a room with her because they don’t know each other well.”
A line in the sand had to be drawn.
“I said no. She can sleep on the pull-out bed and if it’s that big a deal then his fiancé just shouldn’t come in my opinion.”
“I told them my one condition on this trip had been that I get my own room on what is still technically my honeymoon and if I don’t get that then I would rather excuse myself and use my hotel week another time.”
The family reaction was less than ideal.
“When I said that all hell broke loose. I have been called selfish and accused of not caring about family and intentionally starting drama.”
“Brother’s fiancé even came to me crying and told me if I didn’t want her on the trip I should just say so. That was never even my issue. I just want the option of privacy on my several years past due honeymoon.”
In the end, OP even summed up her concerns directly.
“I might be the asshole because I planned a family trip and am now potentially refusing to go if this issue isn’t resolved in my favor.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Clearly, the reason for the trip was lost.
“This is absolutely crazy. This started as a honeymoon week for you and you won’t even get your own room? This is what you get for trying to do a nice thing and turn it into a family event. NTA.”
“If your brother wants to bring his fiance let them get their own room.”~aLongNumbersOfString
Questions abound!
“This is so weird, though. Like…why doesn’t the family default to married = sharing a room? Is there bad blood between them and OP/her husband? Is it a sexism thing towards favoring the brother?”
This post screams missing info.”~apathyontheeast
Some had deeper, societal concerns.
“I think sexism, the grandparents are happy that the brother has a fiancée because it will keep the family name alive.”~tokoboy4
Perhaps a bad idea from the start?
“I’m not sure why anyone would turn their honeymoon into a family outing. Period.”~guthepenguin
“The whole situation is confusing lol. It is OPs honeymoon trip, but the whole family will be staying in the same suite. They clearly have some money if they’ve got this fancy hotel membership… why not just do a honeymoon and a family trip separately, to begin with.”
“why do you want to have honeymoon s*x in the next room while the family is screaming at ‘wheel of fortune’ on tv 3 feet away, and someone is knocking on the door because gramps has clogged the other toilets already.”~madmaxturbator
Others commiserated with OP’s original intentions.
“My honeymoon was a cruise with most of my extended family. “
“The trip was already planned and paid for, fiancé and I were already invited and we already had our own room, so we got married 3 days before the cruise so all the family could be there and then went on the cruise with my family.”
“OP in NTA here.”
“She should get the room with her husband because 1) it’s their honeymoon, 2) she suggested the trip and 3) the family haven’t even met the fiancé. Husbands and wives need privacy too.”~CorruptedAngel13
Of course, OP’s brother’s sudden fiancee sparked some concern as well.
“I’m honestly really confused as to the speed of the brother’s relationship if taking his girlfriend was never considered as a possibility for room/space on the trip”~hecaete47
The best of intentions do often lead to difficult outcomes, but hopefully, this family can see past the difficulty and enjoy their time together.