Some people are not okay with dating people who smoke tobacco or marijuana. That is an understandable boundary or deal breaker to set.
That doesn’t mean that you can police whatever your partner is doing.
Redditor saramueller39 encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to take a drug test because my husband asked?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Back in my teens and 20s, I used to smoke a lot of a certain type of leaf.”
“I quit it though before I met my husband J. We’ve been together 14 years.”
“J is opposed to smoking that and since I had already stopped I agreed to never smoke it again.”
“14 years later, I tell him I’m gonna smoke a CBD cigarette to see if it helps my anxiety.”
“Meh, not really.”
OP decided to cut back her smoking.
“So I tell him I’m gonna lay off the CBD cigarettes. Not quit, mind you, but not for my anxiety.”
“Yesterday, he ‘catches’ me smoking a CBD cigarette for my cramps. I wanted to see if it helped my menstrual cramps.”
“J gets very angry.”
“Despite me telling him this is the only CBD cigarette I’ve smoked since we talked he says he doesn’t believe me and wants me to take a drug test.”
“I say no, I’ve told him the truth, it’s controlling and demeaning for him to demand I take a drug test.”
“He won’t believe me and I won’t take a drug test.”
“Some very mean things have been said on both sides and we are at a stalemate. I’ve never lied to him before and never given him any reason to suspect I’m doing something he wouldn’t approve of.”
“AITA because I refuse to take a drug test?”
“Or is he TA because he won’t believe me?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. He is being controlling and also, it seems, ignorant. Does he know that CBD isn’t the same as pot? My mom was pissed that I was using CBD gummies to help me sleep until she realized it wasn’t THC.” ~ sonic_banana
“For goodness sakes, CBD can be purchased at the drug store in cream form it’s not the same thing as THC. Even if OP was smoking THC products I would refuse to submit to some type of test to ensure loyalty to his way of behavior.”
“His controlling behavior is a bit concerning really.” ~ JuryNo7670
“NTA”
“Don’t submit to a drug test if you don’t want one, OP. There’s a chance it will be positive for THC after CBD use, your partner is out on a Witch Hunt and will misconstrue anything that he feels is evidence supporting his stance.”
“But since I think you might be American, and realize it’s a pre-employment requirement for most jobs there too, CBD users should please know:”
“CBD can be easily mislabeled. It does have THC in it, and it can cause a positive drug test even if it isn’t actually impairing in nature.” ~ Dumbassahedratr0n
“Christ it’s in everything these days. My little old granny has a CBD bubble bath. It’s a step up from being goji berries or shea butter.” ~ stephowl
Redditors were confused by his logic.
“Plus (leaving aside this won’t show up in a drug test) BF’s idiotic logic is ‘I caught you taking drugs, so I want you to take a drug test’ to do what? Prove she was taking the drugs you saw her take? OP should try dating someone with an IQ higher than a dead pot plant, pun entirely intended.” ~ ACatGod
“That’s exactly what I was thinking! Even if it did show up what would it prove?? It wont tell him how many individuals she smoked, just that she had. And he knows that already XD” ~ Cyberincision
“Eh, it’s probably just a power trip move so he can show her who’s boss. This guy sounds frighteningly controlling.” ~ Comfortable-Night117
“Maybe he wants there to be official proof on paper that she took drugs so that he could use it against her.” ~ RedditUser123234
“Not taking his side, but I think his logic is ‘I caught you using CBD after thinking you were done using it, so I don’t believe you that you aren’t also using THC, please take this drug test to prove you’re telling the truth.'”
“He’s still a major AH, but the logic is sound as to why he’d ask for a test.” ~ SamIAm718
Some CBD armchair experts weighed in.
“It actually may show up in a drug test. Chances are the CBD contains THC-8, which will still trigger a THC test.” ~ gucknbuck
“Not enough of thc in cbd to trigger a drug test.” ~ deleted99
“CBD can show up in a drug test. All CBD has some amount of THC in it, it’s not possible to remove it all.” ~ Dumbassahedratr0n
“CBD doesn’t have THC in it. CBD and THC are both separate molecules found in cannabis plants. (Both are different types of cannabinoids with slightly different effects on cannabinoid receptors).”
“I believe what you mean is that it’s very difficult to cultivate a strain that has absolutely no THC and only CBD and therefore there will likely be very low levels of THC in any CBD products made from these strains.”
“Sorry not trying to be an a**/overly picky but I’m a neuroscience/biochemistry person; I had to correct the wrong scientific information. Have a good one!” ~ MadoogsL
“Any CBD product that I have ever purchased has a warning that it may contain THC. Depending on the company and batch, I am pretty sure almost all CBD products will have some varying level of THC.” ~ Outrageous_Tea_8568
There might be more to OP’s boyfriend’s controlling behavior that is worth questioning.