Redditor Namewrongtossaway is a woman who withheld her name but described it as one that could be pronounced more than one way.
A coworker with whom she worked for almost four months has mispronounced her name on multiple occasions, despite being corrected.
Things came to a head at the workplace when she dealt with the situation the only way she knew how.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for pretending I didn’t know my coworker was talking to me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For background, I have a name that can be spelled one way but said a couple different ways.”
“(Think like ‘Clara’ which could be said ‘Clair-uh’ or ‘Clar-uh’).”
“I’ve been working with this coworker, let’s call him T, for nearly 4 months.”
“T apparently has only ever heard my name as spelled said one way, and seems to be hell-bent on only saying it that way.”
“Problem is the way he says my name, isn’t my name. A bit after I first started I gently corrected him when he got it wrong, ‘Actually, for me it’s said [other way].'”
“He immediately got huffy with me and just said ‘Whatever, I need you to do [task]’. Since then, he still hasn’t said my name correctly.”
“Every time I try and nicely remind him how it’s said, he responds like the first time, huffy and annoyed.”
“So starting 2 days ago, I stopped responding if he didn’t say it properly. The first day after saying my name wrong 4 times to get my attention, he came over and said ‘Hey, I was talking to you!'”
“I just looked back and said ‘Oh, sorry. My name is RightName, so I didn’t realize.’ Since then I’ve kept up the same act and he has been getting more and more agitated.”
“Finally at the end of the shift today another coworker came up to me and told me T was complaining to anyone who would listen about what a b*tch I’m being and the CW asked if I could ‘stop antagonizing him’ because he’s a pain to work with now.”
“I just said ‘We’ll see’ because T hasn’t actually stopped calling me by the wrong name and imo it’s not that hard to just use my name properly.”
“I might be the a**hole because I know this is pretty petty and someone else has said I’m making things harder for them, but after 4 months it just feels really disrespectful not to use my name properly.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole for ignoring the coworker.
“He’s saying your name wrong as a power play.”
“When you took that power back by refusing to answer to an incorrect name, he made another play by making the work environment difficult for other people so that they would pressure you into capitulating.”
“Don’t fall for his new ploy, and stick to your guns. The others can either put up with his complaining, or put him in his place like you did. It’s up to them, not you.” – winter_storm
“Agreed, it really does turn into a power play after the third and fourth time. 1-2 or 3 times is an accident due to habit, anything after that is fully intentional.”
“And he’s taking his power play further by taking it to other coworkers so they could be the ones to tell OP off – and it’s working.”
“OP needs to talk with her boss or maybe HR if there is one. Laying low won’t make bullies stop, it just makes them madder and even more motivated to get you down. NTA.” – F0xFr33k
“Here is a very high level summary of what constitutes a hostile work environment.”
“This is not it. Its petty, its annoying, and it really doesn’t reflect well on the co-worker. But it’s not a hostile work environment.”
“I agree the co-worker is a d*ckhead, but unless he’s refusing to use the OP’s real name because of some reason that falls under a protected class (i.e. he’s deadnaming her, he’s purposefully using a westernised version of her name because he’s a racist c**t etc) then it doesn’t rise to the level of a hostile work environment.” – BeetleJude
“NTA. Ask your coworkers how they would feel if someone couldn’t even be bothered to pronounce their names correctly. Then after being told many times how to pronounce the name properly, he just outright refuses to call them by said name.”
“Then if they try to not respond to the wrong name he creates a hostile work environment for everyone else to force them to continue to respond to a name that’s not their own.”
“Would they really want that. This needs to be explained to the Co workers in an email, how he’s bullying OP and now using the coworkers to continue to do this as well.” – Mera1506
“NTA. It’s really not hard for him to address you by your actual name. He’s making a choice, and it’s a bad one. People are asking you to stop rocking the boat when all you’ve actually done is stop fighting to steady it from his violent rocking.”
“Why aren’t people up his a** about using your actual name to keep the peace?” – Ribbon-
“NTA It’s not that hard to learn to say your name correctly. He’s acting like a child, and you’re not responsible for his tantrums. The other co-worker should report him to your boss if he is a pain to work with.” – financiallysoundcat
“Talk to your manager and/or HR before he does. NTA He’s a jacka** and calling you by the wrong name is a power play and he can’t stand that you won’t buckle down.” – del901
Overall, Redditors believed the coworker was misnaming her on purpose and behaving like a child.
They strongly urged her to talk to HR or their supervisor since his apparent power play is turning the other coworkers against her.