Even though the pandemic is barely behind us, it’s as if people are starting to forget what it was like to work from home.
More importantly, they’re forgetting that remote jobs are still real jobs, stressed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, and deserve the same respect on-location jobs receive.
Redditor Famousbeauty40 was becoming increasingly tired of the comments her sister made about her job, both because she was an artist and because she worked from home.
But when her sister made an especially snide comment, stating that she did nothing all day and had ample time to babysit her son, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and refused to babysit her nephew anymore.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to babysit my nephew after my sister insulted my career?”
The OP had fallen into a routine of babysitting her nephew while working from home.
“I (29 Female) am a freelance graphic designer, and I work from home. I love what I do and have built a successful business over the past five years.”
“My sister, Sarah (34 Female), has a five-year-old son, ‘Ethan,’ who is energetic and quite a handful. Sarah works a traditional 9:00 AM to 5:00PM job, and her husband often travels for work.”
“For the past year, Sarah has been asking me to babysit Ethan several times a week. She claims it’s because I’m home all day and have a flexible schedule.”
“I agreed at first, but it quickly became overwhelming. Ethan demands a lot of attention, and it’s hard to focus on my work when he’s around.”
“I typically work 40 to 50 hours per week on various projects, and Sarah also has other potential babysitting options, but they cost more money.”
Then the OP’s sister became overly rude about the setup.
“I started setting boundaries, saying I could only babysit on specific days or times. Sarah didn’t take this well and kept pushing for more.”
“Last week, things came to a head. Sarah called me in the middle of a work deadline, asking if I could take Ethan because her regular babysitter canceled at the last minute.”
“I told her I couldn’t, as I had an important project due.”
“She snapped, saying, ‘You’re just sitting at home drawing; how hard can it be to watch a kid?'”
“This wasn’t the first time Sarah made a dismissive comment about my job, but this time, I was hurt and angry. I told her that my job is just as important and demanding as hers and that she should respect my time.”
“She hung up on me, and we haven’t spoken since.”
Much to the OP’s dismay, her family sided with her sister.
“Yesterday, I got a call from our mom, saying that Sarah is struggling and needs help with Ethan and that I should be more supportive because ‘family comes first.'”
“I explained what happened, and Mom said I was being too sensitive and should let it go.”
“But I feel disrespected and don’t want to babysit Ethan anymore, at least until Sarah apologizes and acknowledges that my work is important.”
“Now, Sarah is telling our relatives that I’m refusing to help her out of spite, and some of them agree with her.”
“I’m starting to feel guilty but also stand by my need for boundaries and respect.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the sister couldn’t ask for help and throw insults; she had to pick one.
“NTA. When you want someone’s help, maybe don’t insult them? Actions have consequences.” – Massive-Hunter3218
“This is one of those things I don’t understand about some families. Someone wants help, another person says yes, that someone takes advantage of the other person’s time, and that person says, ‘Wait, this is becoming too much now.'”
“Then the someone says, ‘But faaaaaaaamily,’ and the person says, ‘Oh well, figure it out if you can’t respect my time.’ Then the someone spews lies to the family, and they somehow expect the person to still help them out after that? Make it make sense!”
“NTA, OP.” – Disastrous-Sthe
“If she’s lying to the relatives to get them to bully you, I’d never babysit again, no matter what. It shows that she has zero appreciation for you or your time. NTA.” – AuggieNorth
“Easy, tell everyone that you’re glad they agree family comes first, because now they can watch the kid your sister chose to have. You can also say that you appreciate their support during your time of need and you’re glad you can count on family to help lessen your load.”
“NTA. And I would absolutely cut out watching the kid 100%. Your sister is an entitled jerk.” – I_Dont_Like_Rice
“NTA. Stop watching Ethan right now!”
“She chose to have a child and now she is dumping it off at yours. It’s her responsibility.”
“She needs to get the father involved more, other relatives of his, and especially YOUR MOM. Let me guess, she was always the golden child?”
“I’d write something like: ‘Ethan is your child, not mine. Since you completely disrespect me and my career, I have decided not to watch your child anymore. I have been doing you lots of favors and don’t deserve disrespect in return.'”
“And then block her for a while.”
“If your mom has a problem, say you are too busy with your career and ignore her as well.”
“Tell any relatives that have a problem to watch him instead. If they continue, tell them to stop harassing you. Don’t tell any of them your business anymore either.”
“If you make it too easy for people like this to dump their children elsewhere, they will soon have another kid and another one, and then you can care for the whole bunch of them.” – Trailsya
“If ‘family comes first,’ why can’t your mother do the babysitting?”
“For future reference, anyone who uses that phrase is an AH. They’re saying it because there’s not an actual justification for whatever it is they want.”
“I damaged my career by being in exactly the situation you’re in. I work nearly every waking hour, but like you, I can arrange the hours however I like.”
“One friend (with a spouse who has exactly the same job as me) interpreted that to mean that I could do whatever she wanted me to do. If I tried to say I was too busy, I’d get the ‘a real friend would do this’ line. She would never even dream of asking her husband and would tell me he was too busy to help her.”
“Sarah has no respect for your job. You need to be unavailable until she gets it. Give it at least a couple of months. Even then, set a limit for yourself in terms of hours per week. Do it even if you have more time. You clearly need to demonstrate to her that your time is worthy of respect, just like everyone else’s.” – Dry_Sandwich_860
Others agreed and reassured the OP that she was right to prioritize her career over childcare.
“The OP should tell her sister’s flying monkeys that, since ‘family comes first,’ they have three choices: 1. Babysit the kid themselves. 2. Chip in and pay for a sitter or regular daycare. 3. Shut the f**k up.”
“NTA.” – PrideofCapetown
“It is actually great that so many people are taking her side! They can all babysit. Problem solved.”
“Stand your ground. Make plans when you’re not working. Don’t be available. You don’t have children. Live your childless life.”
“It is not enough for Sarah to apologize for insulting you. She then slandered you and now needs to set the record straight. Do not even consider making time for her unless she tells everyone the truth and starts respecting you.” – SeaworthinessDue8650
“The OP wrote, ‘Yesterday, I got a call from our mom, saying that Sarah is struggling and needs help with Ethan, and that I should be more supportive because ‘family comes first.'”
“NTA. Not this canard again!”
“No, family does NOT come first.”
“On serious matters (this is a serious matter), you must take care of yourself first, before you can take care of others. It is not mandatory for other people to understand your decisions in order for you to demand that they abide by them.” – atmasabr
“What don’t people understand about working from home? You are still working.”
“I work from home but I still send my toddler to daycare, because there is no way I would be able to get any work done if they were home.”
“You are in the same situation, BUT this isn’t your kid. Your sister can send their kid to daycare just like everyone else. NTA.” – mags7683
“NTA.”
“First of all, I’m so sick of the ‘family comes first’ card. As an individual human being, you are allowed to set boundaries, even with family. Stand for your boundaries and just as importantly, respect.”
“She should have been grateful you agreed to watch her son during your specific work hours to begin with. She had a child and it is her responsibility to find proper childcare for him, and if you are unavailable, that should be respected.”
“Secondly, as an artist myself, people tend to be completely dismissive of our work. Or anything they deem ‘non-traditional work,’ such as entrepreneurial work where you make your own hours/schedule or work from home, etc.”
“Thirdly, she blatantly disrespected you, your work, and your time. I’m a firm believer that it doesn’t matter if your family doesn’t give you a green light for inconsequential disrespect. She is being selfish, and rude, and wants cheaper or free childcare without concern for you.”
“I would not consider watching the boy again until she has genuinely apologized for this, or she will continue to take advantage, and it will most likely happen again.” – Existing_641
While the OP was feeling pressure from her family, the subReddit hoped that she would not cave in after how her sister and family members treated her. Even though she worked from home, and even though her career was in artistry, that did not change the fact that she was working.
Not to mention the fact that treating someone this way and still expecting them to help seems like the least productive course of action ever. Hopefully the sister didn’t have a job in Strategy.