Facts and belief are not the same thing.
One is provable, measurable and repeatable.
The other is belief.
So what happens when someone tries to argue your facts with their belief?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) throwingawaylateeer when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for laughing hysterically after a date kept insisting to me that women have periods from their butts?”
OP began with a little background.
“Throwaway.”
“There was this guy(22 Male) who I(20 Female) have gone on a few dates with in the past couple of months.”
“He’s nice and so far we’ve only progressed to going on public dates, but about a week ago we finally decided to have a nice date at my place.”
“Since it was going to be at my place I let him know before that I was on my period because I wasn’t sure what expectations he had or where his boundaries were yet, and we agreed to just have a nice takeout dinner and watch a movie.”
“He comes over and we eat then sit down on the couch to pick a movie when he says that it sucked that I was on my period.”
Everything was fine, until…
“Then he said how he thought it was so strange that women give birth through the vagina but have periods from their butts.”
“(This was a completely unpromoted statement from him and I’m still not sure how we got on the topic tbh).”
“I asked him what he meant by that and he said again exactly what he had said before.”
“I kind of smiled, assuming he was very much just joking, and said ‘oh yeah, so weird’ thinking that he was going to start laughing soon to end the joke.”
“He didn’t, and instead started to talk about his first and only girlfriend he’d had in high school and how she used to complain about bad ‘period poops’ all the time.”
“At this point I ask him if he is being serious and he looks a little confused and says he is.”
“I ask him to explain how he came to that conclusion and he explained that his first experience being around periods was the hs gf and before then he had never received or seen much information.”
“He understood it was something that happened inside the body and that blood came out ‘somewhere’ but assumed it came out of the vagina until he heard her complaining and realized it actually came out of the butt.”
“It was very unexpected coming from a 22-year-old man.”
“I somehow managed to keep my composure when I told him that periods do in fact come out of the vagina and not butts.”
“He looked confused and then a little frustrated and started insisting to me that was wrong and then kept saying ‘are you sure?’ as if I was confused about where it came out of my own body.”
“I explained to him the anatomy a bit and how it worked but he was very adamant.”
“Eventually he conceded that most women must have periods like that, but some, hence his ex-gf, have their periods from their butts.”
“He just could not understand no matter how many times I tried to explain it to him that he had just simply come to the wrong conclusion and misinterpreted his gf’s words.”
“The whole situation became so much that I started to laugh.”
“I was doubled over, clutching my stomach, crying laughing over this whole debacle, and he sat there red-faced, continuing to try and argue with me.”
“Eventually he said he was ready to leave and did before we could watch a movie.”
“I felt bad for laughing after he left because I could tell that had been when he decided to leave and he also texted me later that night to say he had done a little bit of research ‘on his own'”.
“And that he was no longer interested in pursuing any sort of relationship because he couldn’t stand to be with someone who laughed at someone for ‘not understanding”‘.
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some felt that further education was warranted.
“For anyone wondering, ‘period poops’ are where your menstrual muscle spasms give you diarrhea. The more you know.” ~ WithoutDennisNedry
“It happens because of a hormone too! The prostaglandin hormone makes the uterus contract to expel the endometrium, and it affects the intestine too” ~ Stardwe
“Not really even the muscle spasms themselves, but the influx of hormones that cause muscle contractions in your lower belly, which effects both your uterus and your large intestines/colon.” ~ mizracy
Others shared personal stories.
“my ex of 5 yrs used to ask for anal when I had my period.”
“I have no problem with anal btw and do it once every month so him suggesting it is a non-issue but i kept telling him not on my period.”
“He never understood why we couldn’t just do anal on my period.”
“Every month he would continue to ask till 1 day I got sick of him asking every month and I had to explain to him what period pooops were. lol. it really wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have.” ~ Past-time29
“Oh I so get that.”
“Fiance and I tried anal after 10 years together (I had to deal with some trauma from my ex and make sure I was doing it for the right reasons and was safe. Fiance made me feel safe but never on my period.”
“We put down a towel and have sex. But the first 3 days, I feel so bloated and gross I won’t let him touch me. He knows. I tell him.”
“We deal accordingly.” ~ LilianaNadi
Commenters felt there were deeper issues here.
“I also find it funny that he broke it off after doing research, probably because he just discovered he was wrong this entire time, and honestly that just scream toxic masculinity right there.” ~ Time_Detective7632
“I mean, I get that if you really believe something, and someone keeps insisting that it’s not true, you might want to go check on it just to make sure they’re not messing with you.”
“But, having discovered that they were indeed not trying to deliberately screw with your mind.”
“It’s kind of rude to say ‘I didn’t believe you when you told me about stuff your own body does, but the Internet says you were right so I guess I can accept your version instead of the one I made up in my own head when I was a teenager.”‘
“And anyone with a sense of humour would agree – this is objectively hilarious! He was wildly wrong for a silly reason! And butts were involved! How could it not be funny?”
“Anyone with a healthy sense of the ridiculous would be able to laugh at themselves in this situation.”
“The fact that this guy could not get over himself for five minutes, while blaming the OP for having a giggle, tells me she dodged a major bullet here.” ~ MiddleEgg4848
“This makes me think of the post of the women that shit herself during giving birth, and her husband wouldn’t shut up about it and told everybody and laughed about it.”
“Cis-men really don’t understand much about the female body.”
“I think OP kind of dodged a man-sized bullet here. NTA. He rather not see her again than admit he was wrong 🚩🚩🚩” ~ juliadejonge_
“My ex-husband used to argue with me about the very topic in which I have a master’s and have published work.”
“Eventually I told him to grab everything that he had published on the topic, and Id do the same, and we could compare notes.”
“Then he complained that I was condescending and he had the right to his own opinion. I agreed, but he doesn’t have the right to his own facts.” ~ The_Boots_of_Truth
Though this response sums it up nicely.
“I read the title and I was like ‘Bruh NTA that shit is so f*cking funny’ The post did not disappoint.”
“‘He was no longer interested in pursuing any sort of relationship because he couldn’t stand to be with someone who laughed at someone for ‘not understanding”‘
“What the heck is this?”
“You dodged a bullet, OP.”
“Text him back that you’re also no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with a guy who leaks mansplaining all night and still doesn’t which hole it comes from.”
“NTA.”
“ETA:”
“He’s a grown 22-year-old man, but has no idea how menstruation works??”
“That’s something you learn in elementary school. After a relationship, he has to be mentally preventing himself from knowing at that point.”
“He, a man, told a woman how women’s bodies work.”
“Even more grossly, he told a menstruating woman how menstruation works.”
“Like.. This woman who is bleeding from her vagina told you that women bleed from their vaginas, and somehow you didn’t believe her??” ~ GoodGirlsGrace
This isn’t to say that misunderstandings never happen.
Communication isn’t perfect and assumptions happen all the time, the problem is when we refuse to correct our errors.
We cling to provably wrong information because it’s comforting or coming from a source we trust.
If we refuse to learn, we cannot grow.
Be kind.