It’s no secret that planning and paying for a wedding is more expensive than ever, and more and more people are skipping their honeymoons, simply because they can’t afford it.
But some people refuse to accept that their wedding plans are much greater than their budgets, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor brownbeautyxx empathized with her sister when she said she couldn’t afford a lot of her wedding expenses and was happy to help pay for it, including paying extra money at the last minute.
But when the Original Poster (OP) discovered that her sister had exaggerated how much money she needed just to get more money from her, she quickly changed her mind about helping pay for the wedding, even if that meant canceling the honeymoon or changing the wedding plans.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to pay for my sister’s wedding after I found out she lied about her finances?”
The OP and the rest of the family helped the OP’s sister have the wedding of her dreams.
“I (28 Female) recently found myself in a really tough spot with my little sister (25 Female), and I’m struggling to figure out if I’m in the wrong here.”
“My sister has been planning her wedding for over a year, and I’ve been saving up to help her out financially.”
“Our family isn’t wealthy, so we all pitched in a portion to make her dream wedding come true.
“Approximately three months ago, she told me that her wedding budget was way over the limit, and she asked if I could give her an extra $10,000 to cover costs (in two $5000 payments).”
“Of course, this is a lot of money, so naturally I was a bit hesitant, but she’s my little sister, so, of course, I wanted to support her. I agreed to help, even though it meant dipping into my own savings.”
“She promised that this would be the last of her financial requests and assured me that her budget was tight but manageable.”
But then the OP discovered her sister hadn’t been forthcoming about her finances at all.
“But then, fast forward to last week, I found out through a mutual friend that my sister actually had saved up a significant amount of money on her own and had been misrepresenting her financial situation to our immediate family (me, mom, dad, and all who were all pitching in)!”
“Before anyone asks me if I am sure, yes, I am.”
“One way that I know is because part of the money I gave her was to help cover hotel costs for guests (normal in my culture for anyone wondering). I am mentioning this because it was through a mutual friend I found out the rooms per night in this hotel were actually $110… but in other conversations with me, she told me it was $200. That’s a big difference when you cover all the guests.”
“She also told my mom and I that she and her fiance were not having a honeymoon to save on costs… It turns out that’s not true, either, as it was found out she sent pics of the flight reservations (TO FIJI!!!) to her girls’ group chat. An EXTREMELY expensive location!”
“It is very clear her plan was to use the ‘extra’ money to fund her lavish honeymoon and to splurge on some high-end wedding accessories that weren’t budgeted for.”
The OP confronted her sister about what she discovered.
“When I confronted her, she admitted to exaggerating the financial strain to get more money from me and others.”
“I was OBVIOUSLY furious. I feel like she took advantage of my generosity, and now I’m rethinking whether I should still help with the remaining wedding costs.”
“She’s been begging me to reconsider, but I can’t get over the betrayal.”
The family was split over what to do about the OP’s sister’s lies.
“My family is divided. Some think I’m being too harsh and should just overlook it as they are saying it’s her wedding and it’s not nice to ruin things last minute. My friends and husband agree that she crossed a line.”
“I don’t want to be the villain in this story, but I also can’t shake the feeling that she needs to face the consequences of her actions.”
“So, am I wrong for refusing to pay the remaining $5,000 for my sister’s wedding after discovering she lied about her finances?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out the sister was ruining her wedding “last-minute,” not the OP.
“NTA. Your family is correct in saying it’s her wedding and it’s not nice to ruin things last minute.”
“But, you are not the one ruining things, it’s her lies and her leeching.”
“Why should you deep into your savings when it’s not your wedding? Your savings have a purpose, and that does not include sponsoring a Fiji honeymoon.”
“Also, divorce yourself from the attitude that she’s ‘little.’ She is a grown adult.”
“What is her future husband paying for if you are all paying for the wedding and honeymoon?” – Ok_Design_705
“It sounds like you are basically paying for her lavish honeymoon! YOU ARE PAYING FOR IT by giving her 10k. I would not give a cent more than you have already given!”
“Wanting you to foot the bill, and other family members, while she lied about it is definitely BEYOND GREEDY!” – Fresh-Scallion602
“It sounds like you made a tough choice but you’re definitely not in the wrong here. Your sister crossed a big line by lying about her finances just to get more money for her wedding and honeymoon.”
“It really puts you in a tough spot if your family is divided on this. Maybe just clarify to them that you’re not against supporting her, but it’s about the dishonesty. Just focus on what you think is right, and don’t let her lack of transparency impact your finances moving forward.” – leavesmeplease
“She lied to her family. She’s the one who spoilt her wedding, and you don’t owe anything and should expect everything you have given so far, back.”
“If she lied to you, she will lie to her husband, so the wedding won’t last anyway, so there’s no point in spending a lot on it.” – Hminney
“NTA! Basically, your family says she made a mistake, and she is sorry. Let’s see her ‘mistakes.'”
“She lied to everybody about having money saved. She manipulated everyone to pay for things she could afford herself.”
“She lied to you about hotel costs, and in doing so, my opinion is that she is stealing your money bc she deceived you on a false premise. She pocketed the money to impress or even make people jealous of her expensive wedding.”
“She lied to you about the honeymoon. Like a dumba**, she posted it on social media to brag about it. She told you she wasn’t going to save money. Yeah, her money while she is milking everyone to pay for it behind your back.”
“Now, she says you are ruining her wedding day because you are not going to another 5,000 dollars when she lied, and especially because she has the money to pay for it herself. Your parents are more than welcome to forgive her.”
“She never once cared that this was going to be a financial strain on your family. No, it’s just about her and her entitlement that everyone else should pay bc she is special. She is arrogant in thinking that the bigger her wedding, the more important she is.”
“If your family keeps saying she made a mistake and it is her special day, I would respond a mistake is something that you didn’t plan to happen. She purposely lied to steal everyone’s money to save her money. She betrayed her family.”
“So, you should just forget everything because your family and family help your family, which is a crock of s**t because it is only thrown around when the family wants something from you and you say no. The minute you say no, they say, ‘you’re selfish;’ ‘you’re ruining my special day;’ ‘you are just jealous because you couldn’t have a wedding like mine;’ and the coupe de gras is ‘family forgives because that is what family does.'”
“Yeah, no, she f**ked around and found out. She played stupid games and now winning stupid prizes. She can afford her lavish wedding without your money.”
“If any other family members text you, saying you should just give her the money, I would say, ‘Your family, too, so you can just give your money to increase her bank. I’ve given enough.'” – ckm22055
Others agreed and felt the sister needed to understand her actions had consequences.
“The sister needs a sit-down discussion. Make her explain to everyone how much money she hid.”
“No one will give her anything more and she will repay the value of what she hid to those who donated it.”
“This is basically fraud. It is not something you ‘let go.’ It’s paying for a holiday, not surgery. She needs to give everyone a groveling apology.” – Beth21286
“This is fraud! OP doesn’t award her bad behavior by giving her more money. In fact, tell her that you want to work out a payment plan for the first £5000 you gave her because it was given under false pretenses and that fraud is a very serious crime.”
“Send it in a text, so you’re creating a paper trail. NTA.” – Apart_Foundation1702
“Don’t give the remaining $5,000 and ask for the other $5,000 to be returned. Your sister lied to get extra money from her family. You don’t overlook lies.”
“I would ask members of the family who said to overlook the matter whether they actively teach their children or siblings to lie. NTA.” – No_Cockroach4248
“NTA. You are not the a**hole for refusing to pay the remaining 5,000 dollars for your sister’s wedding. She lied to you and took advantage of your generosity.” – Charming_Ally
“What the sister did is a scam. She’s a scammer. She isn’t any morally different than the professionals who target unsuspecting people.”
“If OP’s family understood that or if it happened to them, then they probably wouldn’t just tell OP to ‘overlook it’ because they don’t want to see a wedding ‘ruined’ (which it won’t be because the sister clearly can afford it). NTA.” – jasperjamboree
The subReddit could not believe the audacity of the OP’s sister for lying to her family for more money, but also for the family supporting the sister so she could have her dream wedding and honeymoon.
As much as we might like to think that calling this “fraud” would be an exaggeration, it actually isn’t, and in some ways, it’s so much worse, and certainly more personal, for a person to con their own family out of money than an employee stealing money from a company.