We all have different goals as well as milestones we believe will show “we made it.”
Of course, some of us will have a harder time watching our friends hit these milestones than others.
Some will even be jealous, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Outrageous-Mine-7879 was recently surprised to find out that her best friend had received some special news.
But after she received backlash, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she reacted to the news poorly.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for being shocked that my friend will get married before me?”
The OP’s good friend had a tough dating history.
“I have this friend, let’s call her Jane. We’re in our mid-thirties now but we were roommates since freshman year in college. She’s one of my closest friends and I know her super well.”
“And I know that for all of her twenties, she had horrendous luck with her love life and was extremely insecure about it.”
“She always wanted to get married and have kids and kept ending up with douchebags who would cheat on her, or men who straight-up didn’t like her (daddy issues) and crying about it… and I was always there for her through it and reassuring her how she won’t die alone.”
“But her love life kinda became a punchline in our group of friends and sometimes she’d go along with it, especially once she got into her 30s and was still single.”
“She’d say like, ‘Haha, yeah guys, we all know I’m gonna die alone’ all the time, and I know she was torn up about it, but we were always reassuring her that it’s not the case and she was in therapy about it.”
Her friend’s love life finally took a turn for the better.
“Anyways, about a year ago, she finally met an incredible man and they fell in love almost instantly.”
“He proposed to her last week and she’s just completely over the moon, I’ve never seen her this happy.”
“This weekend we all went out to celebrate and all our friends were saying how we’re so happy for her after a long and difficult road, and it was really emotional.”
The OP made a joke at the celebration.
“For context, I’m still single, no boyfriend, and I want to get married too (but I’m not a pathology like she was).”
“So I said, ‘I can’t believe JANE will get married before me!'”
“She started crying and stormed out and the evening was completely spoiled.”
“I tried calling her this weekend, but she was hysterical and said that I didn’t have to point out that she’s so unlovable and it’s a miracle she tricked someone into proposing.”
“It’s quite sad… but that’s not what I meant… that’s her own baggage.”
“I apologized but also suggested she should talk to her therapist about that reaction, and now she completely refuses to speak to me and won’t answer my messages.”
“A couple of others in our friend group are on her side, while some have said that she’s overreacting and will come around.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were appalled by some of the OP’s comments toward Jane.
“100% indicating therapy is necessary because Jane was upset by a cruel joke is an emotional abuse tactic.”
“If my ‘friend’ treated me this way I would go no contact.”
“OP, the way you treat people is UGLY. It’s going to hurt your chances with everyone you meet. YOU need therapy to challenge and replace the beliefs and attitudes that allow you to feel entitled to treat others this way. YTA” – LeeLooPeePoo
“Let’s just say that the cruel and petty joke was a tactless, reckless mistake, a slip of tongue.”
“But invalidating her feelings like that – suggesting she is so absurd for being hurt that she needs her therapist to unwrap that – god, that’s just really twisting the knife, isn’t it?”
“People are entitled to feel hurt when you hurt them, OP, and they are entitled to a full-fledged, honest apology, not half-a**ed and sandwiched between more criticism and mockery. That not apologizing at all.” – SizzlingApricot
“Why did OP need to make any of that party about her at all? Why does her love life matter enough to announce at an event to celebrate her friend? OP is a jerk.”
“YTA OP” – The_RoyalPee
“Yes YTA, OP, and you are also jealous and petty.”
“This girl is supposed to be one of your ‘best friends,’ she has been in therapy over this issue, and when she finally finds happiness, you make a very cruel and insensitive joke.”
“You may have been trying to be funny, but in her eyes, you were basically saying it’s surprising she is getting married, which means something is wrong with her, etc., etc… Not exactly a fun thing to bring up at her celebration party.” – bcelos
Others didn’t find the OP to be “supportive” at all.
“OP, was already the AH halfway through the post before she ever got to the comment she’s asking about.”
“Holy crap, I feel sorry for Jane – did they just keep her around to have someone to look down on and make fun of? Like the proverbial ‘mean girl’ having an ‘ugly friend’?”
“YTA. So much.” – HoldFast02
“Poor Jane, having to deal with these mean girls all this time. No wonder she ‘had bad luck’ with men. Her insecurities were encouraged by her ‘friends’ and that probably did a number on her self-esteem.”
“OP, YTA.” – Little_Tin_Goddess
“I agree with the major YTA and all of it. The punchline part erases the ‘always being there for her’ thing.”
“How the h**l is the statement, ‘I can’t believe JANE will get married before me!’ supposed to be something that Jane WOULDN’T be upset about?”
“Imagine someone being happy to hear that at her engagement celebration. At best, they might think you’re a jerk and say nothing.”
“But it’s totally foreseeable that it would be upsetting to ANYONE to have someone say that, ESPECIALLY if their romantic life had been a punchline in her peer group and she’s worked through her painful relationship issues in therapy.”
“Maybe the OP should look a little harder at herself and see if she needs to do the hard work that Jane has done on herself. She might be a better friend.” – AlwaysAlexi777
A few shouted out to Jane, saying she deserved better friends.
“Jane, if you see this, I hope you find better friends than OP. You’re SO lovable, so deserving!”
“OP, you are… a piece of work.” – eggrollin2200
“OP, you sound like a mean girl. Be better.”
“And Jane, if you come across this post, please know you deserve nicer friends.”
“OP, YTA so much.” – Tapioca44
Though the OP didn’t see where she went wrong, the subReddit was ready to tell her. With concerns about how the OP had spent her time treating Jane, it would be a wonder if she received an invitation to Jane’s wedding.