Redditor “woodensquarebox” berated her neighbor and a beekeeper who harassed her roommates.
But when they attempted to apologize, the Original Poster (OP) was not convinced and continued haranguing them for making inappropriate comments towards the significantly younger women.
The OP wrote:
“My roommates (21-22 F[emale]) and I (21F) were tanning in our backyard when my neighbor (N) peeked over our fence to ask about the beehive he found near our garage.”
“Right then, beekeepers (B1/B2) showed up and asked to use our driveway so I left to move my car.”
“N and B1 then started making sexual comments about my roommate (R) saying they’re only here to ‘look at the view’ and that her bathing suit was ‘too skimpy’.”
“When I came back, my roommates told me what happened and how both men scoffed when R called them out.”
By then, the confrontation had already begun.
“My roommates begged me to not say anything but I was pissed.”
“I told the men ‘The comments you made were not okay. You made a group of young women feel so uncomfortable they no longer feel safe in their own backyard’.”
“‘I don’t care if you think you did nothing wrong, at the end of the day you made comments towards a 21 year old girl that made her feel unsafe’.”
The OP added:
“‘You would be pissed if some stranger did this to your daughter so learn from your mistakes and don’t do it again’.”
But when the harassers made their half-hearted apologies, the OP refused to accept.
“N and B1 tried to apologize but they said ‘sorry if my words were misconstrued’ and I kinda lost my sh*t.”
She continued railing into them and said:
“‘I won’t accept an apology in which you take NO responsibility for your actions. You know what you said and you know it’s wrong’.”
“‘I don’t care you’re from a different generation, you know making sexual comments towards a 21 year old is gross. Think about your behavior, understand why it was wrong, and never do it again’.”
Looking back, the OP felt she may have overreacted.
“I’m concerned I took it too far by denying their apologies. My dad said I should have let it go sooner and not pushed the issue.”
She asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for refusing to accept the apologies.
In an update, the OP clarified a few things.
“Neighbor notified our landlord about the beehive b/c he saw it in our backyard. Landlord then hired the beekeepers who showed up as Neighbor was asking about the hive.”
“I didn’t witness the incident b/c I was moving my car, but when I came back my roommates explained word-for-word what comments were made. They were visibly upset & left the backyard b/c they were so uncomfortable.”
“B1 had also made an earlier comment I did hear saying ‘ok we’ll be back in a bit, you can take your tops off again’ so I was already wary of him.”
“R was very upset and ready to fight, my two other roommates asked me to not say anything b/c they don’t like confrontation.”
“After the whole ordeal, we all worked together to notify our landlord of the incident and my roommates said they were glad I spoke up, even if it made things uncomfortable.”
“This is a VERY condensed version of a 2 hour ordeal & I felt those two statements I made most accurately summed up everything I said.”
“Thank you to those who called me out for saying 21-year-old girl instead of woman. I don’t want to infantilize the bad*ss women I’m lucky to live with and will adjust my language accordingly!”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were then asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
“NTA. There was no apology to accept because there was no apology given.” – littleteacup1976
When the father was criticized for his nonplussed response, the OP added:
“After talking about it more with him today he better explained his perspective on the situation and I feel kinda bad for calling him out in the post.”
“It seems like he was just really concerned for my safety and the safety of my roommates so, although he agreed with what I said, he was upset that I pushed the issue because I was potentially putting myself in a dangerous situation.”
“I’m not sure what my dad expected though considering he’s watched me openly argue with a fully grown man who wouldn’t stop groping a girl half his age at a bar lmao.”
This Redditor explained why confronting the men on the spot was a good idea.
“While it’s important to be able to learn the difference between calling sh*t out safely and unsafely, I actually think you did the right thing by calling them out in front of their coworker/others at the time it happened.”
“While bottling it up and posting about it later allows them the space to downplay it, as they can argue that you weren’t remembering it clearly or got yourself all get up.”
“Calling them out on the spot in front of others teaches them a much clearer lesson. Just like training kids and animals, for any punishment/behaviour correction to be effective, it has to occur as close to the negative behaviour as possible.”
“Well done on having the ovaries to step up and educate these men like you did. It takes most women until their 40s to feel comfortable enough in their skin to stop swallowing this kind of treatment.” – Alice-With-Wings
“In all honesty, it’s been proven your approach is much safer than being a ‘shrinking violet’.”
“Predators want easy prey, not someone who is going to fight back. The confident woman who refuses to be quiet and will draw attention to the situation is not an ideal target.”
“Always a good idea to be safe, but don’t make yourself smaller in anyway because men want to claim it’s to keep you safe. It’s not.” – tossedavocado
This Redditor agreed about the reaction to the insincere apology and encouraged the OP to trust her instincts.
“They didn’t try, though. You called them out and they realized that they had to say something to try to get you off their case, but they weren’t sorry and they didn’t actually care about the effects of their actions.”
“Stick to your guns! The only way to make change happen is by keeping those who benefit from the status quo uncomfortable.”
“Never ever accept an insincere apology from someone who doesn’t take you seriously.” – MrFuckFaceMcGee
“NTA. Their saying, ‘Sorry YOU misconstrued the creepy things I said’ isn’t an apology, and no one misconstrued anything.”
“It would have been creepy and inappropriate if they were 24 and stood there making those comments, let alone any other age. Just be careful.”
“There are some pretty big weirdos in the world who don’t like getting called out, no matter how justified it was.” – Extreme_Resident
The OP responded:
“That was my other big concern, I felt like [The A**hole] for possibly putting my roommates at risk because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”
“Neighbor is an ex-cop and the beekeepers were complete strangers so I feel like I should not have been as brash I was but we all felt so unsafe anyway I didn’t really think about it.”
Overall, Redditors responded positively and agreed that the OP did not misconstrue anything and was right to call out the non-apology.