Everyone has their own opinion about what should happen in a relationship, but some people are much more vocal about it, even when the relationship is not their own.
While staying with their in-laws, one Redditor voiced her opinion to their mother-in-law about her decision to have an open marriage.
The OP (Original Poster) shared their thoughts on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, in a post that has since been removed by moderators for inappropriate comments, with an account that has since been deleted, as well.
The OP explained they are currently staying with their in-laws to save money for their own home, especially since they don’t have the best relationship.
“We are currently staying with my in laws but doing our best to save and move out. MIL (mother-in-law) does not hide that she can’t stand me and that our presence is a massive inconvenience.”
The OP also has had some suspicions about their mother-in-law’s relationship status.
“I’ve always suspected they had an open marriage because of some off color jokes but I didn’t really care or want to know.”
The truth of the matter came up, of all places, at a birthday party.
“Yesterday was FILs (father-in-law’s) birthday and they had some friends over. I felt obligated to help in the kitchen because it’s one of those houses where the women do all the cooking and the men sit around.”
“MIL was talking to her best friend about their marriage and the friend asked if she can f**k anyone she wants.”
“MIL explained that they have some rules and they can’t sleep with anyone who is an ‘equal’. She said they only go outside the marriage with people in service type minimum wage jobs like their maid, someone who works at their country club, or a bartender (examples she gave).”
“[She] said they do that because people in those positions don’t count as ‘real people’ so there is no danger in developing feelings.”
The OP didn’t agree with their MIL’s perspective and spoke up.
“I couldn’t bite my tongue anymore and told MIL that she is disgusting me.”
“[Those] fake people have more grit, work ethic, and character than she could ever have and I’m glad I wasn’t born in a Victorian novel like she apparently was.”
Since then there have been issues in the household between the OP and MIL.
“She didn’t say much but she asked my husband to have a talk about respect with me.”
“She is now trying to say that I’m close minded but I don’t care that they have an open marriage.”
“[But] I think her comment deserved to be called out even if I am a guest in her home.”
Fellow Redditors shared their thoughts anonymously, using the following scale:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Many Redditors agreed with the OP’s feelings about the MIL’s classist outlook.
“you weren’t criticizing her open relationship or marriage arrangement, but her awful lack of basic human empathy. they can f**k whoever they want, but deciding on minimum wage workers because they don’t count as people? thats some classist a** s**t. NTA I’m sorry you have to live with this woman” – nysacia
“Deff NTA. The reasoning is just vile. If the reason was so that the MIL wouldn’t leave the FIL because the hookup wouldn’t be able to provide a lifestyle she’s used to, I’d be like, okay whatever. But seeing others as not people is just being a horrible person and out of touch with reality.” – stuffeh
“I would love for these service people to turn right around and sue their elitist a**es for sexual harassment in the workplace. How can they give full consent if they’re jobs rely on pleasing their employers?” – Shavasara
“As someone in an open marriage, that MIL’s arrangement p**sed me off.”
“You don’t treat people that way.” – Terrawhiskey
“NTA. You weren’t judging their relationship you were calling her out for being super elitist and gross. The fact that they intentionally only seek out people in certain wage jobs also insinuates they want there to be a power imbalance in the encounter, which is further supported by them saying people in low wage jobs aren’t ‘real people.'”
“I’m glad you called them out, I hope other people they share their ‘arrangement’ around call them out too.”
“There is nothing wrong with being in an open relationship but there is absolutely something wrong with thinking certain people aren’t ‘real’ people and specifically seeking out people who have less socioeconomic power implies many concerning things.” – thepancakefamily
One Redditor agreed with the OP’s viewpoints but argued to be careful while they’re staying under their MIL’s roof.
“NTA – you are not an a**hole for calling out someone who doesn’t consider people who work in the service industry to be equal to people who don’t. That’s f**kin’ disgusting.”
“But doing so when the person you’re calling out is someone you currently rely on for a roof over your head was stupid. You need to learn to keep it shut for as long as you live there. Once you’re out, if you never talk to that vile woman again, that’s probably a good call.” – Alert-Potato
No matter what someone’s opinion may be of open or closed relationships, these Redditors agree that our perceptions of the people we could share a relationship with matter much more.