There’s something to be said for the limits of what you’re allowed to do in your own home. On one hand, it’s your house, and so long as you aren’t hurting anyone it’s fine, right?
But on the other hand, is what Redditor ThrowawayAL4533 did wrong? The original poster (OP) explained her situation, and felt she was justified, but her neighbor and her husband are now upset with her.
To try and get some perspective, OP asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about her situation.
“AITA for walking around my [house] in lingerie?”
Why would OP think she’s wrong to do that in her own house?
“So, My husband (M34) and I (F28) got married recently and moved into our new home, The neighborhood is nice and quiet and the neighbors are really nice. Except for this family that lives right next to us.”
“Although we just got back from our honey moon, I still wear lingerie and sometimes walk around in them when I wake up in the morning when making coffee or breakfast.”
“The other day I was in the kitchen preparing coffee while my husband was out and heard a knock on the door, I immedietly went to grab my rope (long) before answering.”
“I opened the door and found our next door neighbor, I asked how he was doing and he told me that his 7 year old kid’s room window is facing our living room and since his daughter uses ‘binoculars’, she saw me wearing ‘inappropriate’ clothes while walking around in the livingroom.”
‘I was taken back. turns out his daughter uses her binoculars to supposedly watch the yard but she obviously peeped through our large glass windows to see inside even though we have curtains on.”
“My neighbor said this wasn’t cool and his daughter just saw ‘something’ she can not unsee and that is not appropriate. I asked him what he meant and he requested that I be a little considerate when it comes to clothing (or lack of) but I thought that was just ridiculous since that is my house.”
“I argued that this is my home I get to wear whatever I want and also, his daughter had no business peeping wtf.”
“He said she is just a kid and didn’t mean no harm. Went as far as to say she was just being ‘curious’. I said sorry but you gonna have to leave.”
“He did not take it well and implied that he’d take steps to ensure I don’t ‘expose’ his daughter to stuff like that in the future. He left and I just thought my entire day was ruined especially after he said he’d bring this incident to the neighborhood’s group’s attention.”
“I told my husband what happened when he got home and he agreed with our neighbor saying that I should ‘just leave the ligerie in the room’ where it belongs and learn to put some decent clothes on before getting out of the bedroom to avoid this type of incidents.”
“He also said I was wrong to speak to our neighbor like that and that if he was in his shoes and his kid witnessed ‘that’ he’d be just as furious if not more. So we should cut our neighbor some slack.”
“I feel like I was the A-h for how I handled this situation but I think since I’m in my own home then why can’t I wear what I want and be care free.”
“I’m confused, AITA?”
OP feels she should be allowed to walk in her own house in lingerie, but her husband and neighbor think she needs to cover up. But should OP push back on this?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
There was a large concentration of people who agreed that OP shouldn’t be ashamed. The acts of her neighbor and his daughter don’t involve her.
If the neighbor doesn’t want his daughter to see something, maybe he should tell her to not spy on other houses.
The final vote was that OP was NTA.
“NTA, and shame on your husband for siding with your neighbor over you. In the privacy of your own home, you can wear whatever you want to wear.”
“The neighbor should be chastising his daughter for peeping into your home instead of trying to control a grown woman’s choice of dress in her own home.”
“I’m sorry but I’d be so pissed in your shoes that I’d probably go on strike regarding all the lingerie and watch my husband cry when he realizes he no longer gets to see me in it because he called the lingerie ‘indecent’ in my own home.”
“Maybe turn the air conditioning on its coldest setting and walk around in sweats and turtlenecks and the like. Then when husband isn’t home, I’d just start walking around naked (and warm up the place).”
“No matter who your neighbor tells, it’s literally nobody else’s business how you choose to walk around in the privacy of your own home.”
“If this lunatic does bring it to the attention of your neighbors and anyone has the courage to confront you, I’d just get really offended and ask point blank: ‘Do I tell you what to wear when you’re in the privacy of your own home? No. So I’d appreciate that same respect back.’”
“I’m baffled that your husband claims he’d get angry in the neighbor’s shoes too, at the neighbor rather than his child who is being INAPPROPRIATELY intrusive into your home. Maybe she should learn a lesson from this incident and stop looking into people’s homes so she doesn’t have to ‘unsee’ anything.”
“The child is the one who needed to be confronted by this person, NOT YOU.” – jammy913
“NTA, both men are blaming you for being comfy behind closed doors while the neighbors child peeps thru windows with binoculars. He should teach his child to mind their damn business.”
“My petty ass would withhold any intimacy or body contact from the husband because the neighbors might see and blame you for being to inappropriate for his daughter to watch thru binoculars from their house.” – Particular-Fun4352
“NTA. You’re neighbors response to finding out that his daughter is spying on you in the privacy of your own home was to blame you?!? That’s some grade F parenting.”
“I’d love for him to try bringing this issue to the neighbor’s group, or anyone of authority. In order to do so, he would have to admit that his daughter is actively spying on people in the neighborhood in their homes.” – photosbeersandteach
“Sounds like his kid is a peeping Tom and needs to be taught a lesson on other people’s privacy. I would say NTA. You’re in your private home, you shouldn’t have to change your behavior to suit someone’s kid.”
“The parent should teach the kid proper behavior and take away the binoculars. However, him bringing it up to the neighborhood group could cause potential issues (I think it’s highly inappropriate for him to do so), but could paint you in really bad light, particularly if it’s a gossipy neighborhood.”
“I would also check with laws to make sure you can’t get charged with indecent exposure to a minor. I know you were in your home, but laws can be iffy (edit: particularly if the father is pissed off enough he might try to pursue charges – he sounds belligerent and hard to deal with – good luck to you!)” – Caltratic_Hobbit
The situation was so ridiculous that some comments got very sarcastic.
“‘My kid spied in your window and saw you wearing inappropriate clothing, so if you could just wear more appropriate clothing while my kid spies on you that would be great.’” – LeoBuelow
“This is literally how I was interpreting his argument.😂👍🏾 it’s exactly that stupid.” – Primary-Fig-5916
But not everyone felt the best option was to double down. While they agreed that OP was NTA, they questioned if it was worth the fight.
They provided a different perspective to the situation.
“NTA but think about whether this is the hill you want to die on. If he is closer to the people in the neighborhood and if they’re the gossiping type, this could cause you to be an outcast or bring drama into your life.”
“Not saying it’s fair but it is what it is. Put curtains up or blinds up that can’t be seen through and wear what you want or just wear normal clothes if you’re in view of a window someone might see through if you want to avoid conflict.”
“Otherwise, be prepared for the possible drama it will bring if you decide not to change anything, including the drama you will have with your husband.” – Afire2285
OP can rest assured that she’s not wrong, but there is a question about what will happen. If the neighbor can make things difficult, he may do just that.
But OP shouldn’t be ashamed, and the neighbor should have a talk with his daughter, rather than put the blame on the person being peeped on.