Liking somebody for who they are and all of their attributes is a wonderful thing.
But some people can take it a bit too far.
There is a line between crush and crazy.
And downright rude…
Case in point…
Redditor Whole_Pool3473 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for blowing up at a girl after she find out I’m half Asian?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m a 23 M[ale} African American and Chinese American.”
“However my features would suggest only African American.”
“There is a girl I’ve known since high school who is high key obsessed with anything Asian related.”
“I mean obsessed to the point of where she made every Asian kid in school uncomfortable because she only saw them as Asian rather than actually people with lives outside their culture and ethnicity.”
“She also has a habit of ‘correcting’ non Asians about Asian cultures then looking for praise.”
“Thankfully only my close friends knew I was mixed and she never tried to talked me since I didn’t look Asian enough for her to suspect.”
“However that changed about a two months ago when she was at a Korean BBQ place and I didn’t notice her.”
“My date and I were both speaking Chinese and English and talking about our lives.”
“After she tried to add me on everything and talk to me about my culture saying she wanted to go to Taiwan this and that.”
“She would proceed to message me every other day either asking to hanging out at a Chinese related places and just talk about my experience being Chinese.”
“We never hung out and I would only give one word answers every few hours.”
“Well last week my boyfriend and I separated which is no biggie but the issue came when she realized I was single.”
“She then tried to become flirty with me which I kept shutting it down or ignoring.”
“Then one night she tried to confess her love to me saying how she has always loved me, wish we could be together, and we move to ‘my country’ so she could meet my family and we could start a life together.”
“I proceeded to go off on her saying how she knows absolutely nothing about me and she only took an interest after realizing I was Asian.”
“And I’m not trying to be someone’s fetish and she needs to get her crap together.”
“I then blocked her and I thought that was that, till I started receiving hateful messages from her friends.”
“Saying how I was rude and I should feel lucky someone who is sweet and knowledgeable about my culture wants me and I’m whitewashed.”
“My family is even saying I could’ve just said no and not be a d*ck about it.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. This girl has serious problems.”
“I agree she has fetishized you and that’s gross.”
“You have no responsibility to talk to her or be nice to her.”
“She only noticed you because of her obsession.” ~ tatersprout
“Agreed with her having problems.”
“I wish her friends backed up the message that she was fetishizing OP, and her behavior was inappropriate.”
“Unfortunately, this doesn’t sound like the case.”
“So I doubt she will learn what would be a very valuable lesson for her.”
“And could honestly help her deal with these issues.” ~ yovakcans
“NTA. You set a boundary.”
“You don’t need this weird stalker in your life.”
“Block ’em all.”
“Tell your family she was excessively creeping you out, not getting the message, and that’s the end of that.”
“Moving on. Don’t engage with the jerk friends.” ~ OddAsk9838
“NTA. She’s a racist with a really creepy Asian fetish and you don’t have to put up with that.”
“Here’s to hoping she gets some sense knocked into her soon.”
“Yeah, you probably could have been less of a *ick about it, but that doesn’t make you TA here.” ~ renaissance-Fartist
“I’m assuming if she doesn’t see or respect him as a person- just an object for her fetish- then chances are she doesn’t care about or respect his sexuality either.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you, OP.”
“Chasers are strange and creepy.”
“There is no room for their targets to be an actual person with agency in their fantasies.”
“You were certainly NTA.”
“This girl needs to take a massive step back (away from you, ideally) and get a reality check.” ~ BearlyAcceptable
“NTA – No way in this universe are you the AH!”
“She doesn’t get to fetishize and dehumanize you then get treated to the world’s most thoughtful rejection.”
“You honestly responded very appropriately, she in no way deserved to be ‘let down gently.'”
“Or whatever everyone is telling you that you should have done.”
“She needs a reality check that she’s actively making everyone around her uncomfortable.”
“She isn’t ‘sweet and knowledgeable,’ if she was sweet she wouldn’t be fetishizing you.”
“If she was knowledgeable she would know that you and every other Asian person is a PERSON FIRST AND FOREMOST, an individual, not exotic arm candy.”
“She is a racist.”
“Racism doesn’t only look like segregation and yelling slurs.”
“Sometimes it’s seeing people of other cultures as a fascinating zoo exhibit.”
“Neither are okay and both are harmful, because both see the person as less than human.”
“And how the heck are you ‘whitewashed???'”
“Don’t apologize to anyone for standing your ground, setting boundaries, and saying exactly what needed to be said to someone making you uncomfortable.”
“Good for you.” ~ CrimsonKnight_004
“NTA. It’s about time someone told her that her behaviour was wildly inappropriate.”
“If her friends and family are upset at you, I would ask them why they haven’t had a similar conversation with her before if they ‘care so much.'” ~ Helen_Magnus_
“My take on what OP said is he tried saying no to her… repeatedly.”
“Saying no didn’t work, unsurprisingly, given her Asian fetish.”
“When being polite doesn’t work…he tried being much more direct about rejecting her… and it worked. Finally.”
“Her friends are so wrong.”
“She is not sweet or knowledgeable about him or his culture.”
“She has an obsession and a fetish, and a preconception about what he should be like.”
“He has no interest in her… and she can’t even get this through her head. NTA.” ~ canuckleheadiam
“NTA. No offense to your family but they don’t really have valid opinions unless they also attended high school with this girl and put up with her for years.”
“Half the reason you blew up at her was because you knew ahead of time what she’s like.”
“You probably would’ve taken your reaction down a notch or two with a total stranger.”
“But I’m sure part of what you’ve said you’ve always kind of wanted to say to her.” ~ inkpaperdream
“NTA – this coming from someone you has been accused of having yellow fever.”
“There is a difference between wanting to find out more about a culture and finding it interesting and obsessing over it.” ~ gemini88mill
“NTA. If both of your parents were black or even if you were white she probably wouldn’t have given you the time of day.”
“Whatever Otaku nonsense she has going on she is definitely fetishizing you especially when she talks of moving to ‘your country’ even though you were born here.”
“Also are the family members calling you the AH black?”
“We tend to glorify mixed heritage because for some reason black folks seem to think it means that you are better/lighter/worth more than someone who has two black parents.” ~ YesImReallyLikeThis
“NTA. not even kind of.”
“She clearly has a problem and she isn’t being sweet. “
“She is obsessive and is trying to use you for the credibility you could offer her.”
“Maybe she has the potential to be a really nice human to the people that she doesn’t freak out but I wholly understand.”
“You needed to set clear boundary since just telling her no was not working.” ~ Few-Wafer2897
“NTA. Ayo, my condolences on having a super misogynistic family.”
“As well as her friends coming at you — how TF do they have the audacity to call you whitewashed?”
“Because baby, you’re just trying to survive out here!!”
“Because it sounds like a lot of people are dismissive of your boundaries because you’re a man and she projects herself as a ‘sweet’ girl.”
“Having minimal interactions with someone to then professing love and an invitation to move away together isn’t creepy — it’s obsessive, unhinged and not indicative of a mentally stable person.”
“I’d take screenshots if you haven’t and tell her friends that no means no. Period.”
“Body autonomy applies to men and women.” ~ happytobeherethnx
Well OP, you have your hands full.
This is definitely a situation to be concerned about.
This young lady needs a serious talking to.
And not by you.
Be careful. Good luck.