It’s shocking sometimes what people are willing to put up with during a marriage.
Even though some people find divorce to be shameful, or at least to be a huge hassle, going through it would have to be better than what some people commit to for a lifetime, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
A Redditor, who has since deleted her account, had become increasingly frustrated by her husband’s attitude since he loved her mother’s and her sister’s cooking but insisted her cooking was disgusting despite cooking similar foods.
Fed up with the situation, the Original Poster (OP) cooked up a scheme that would prove to her husband that she was a good cook, too, even if he didn’t know it, and which would make her a little money on the side, as well.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for lying to my husband that my sister is cooking the food he pays 750 dollars per week for when it is me who cooks?”
The OP’s husband was critical of her time spent in the kitchen.
“My sister is a personal chef for some upper-middle-class families, mostly lawyers and doctors who work 24/7 but still want home-cooked, healthy meals.”
“My husband always complained about my ‘disgusting food,’ and he called me worthless in the kitchen.”
“Every time we are invited to my sister’s or mom’s house, he would bite my head off about how much better cooks they were.”
“I know for a fact that I am as good, if not better, than my sister because I was taught by the same chef, our mom, who’s a literal genius.”
Sick of his attitude, the OP decided to get back at her husband.
“I had it up to here and said, ‘FINE, we can pay my sister for dinners,’ so for a year now, he’s been paying me 750 dollars to pay my sister.”
“When he comes home, he starts raving about how the whole apartment smells amazing from the delivered food and that only now he looks forward to coming home for dinner.”
“The thing is, it smells amazing, yes, but it is because the food is made in MY kitchen, by ME. The only thing that has changed is that I put my sister’s name on it and bag the money.”
“I start cooking earlier in the afternoon and keep the food warm in the oven, which gives me time to clean up the kitchen, and then I set the meal trays out in delivery bags with my sister’s name on them.”
The OP saw the positives in the situation.
“Ha ha ha, I’m not even sorry. He is happy, I am richer, and my sister finds the whole thing amusing. Everyone wins!”
“She offered me to work for her too.”
“I have a separate bank account, which is where this money gets deposited. I could even quit my job and only work for my husband, lol (laughing out loud), because of how much he is paying ‘her.'”
“Some of his colleagues are contemplating hiring my ‘sister’ because of the praise she is getting from my husband, and she is too busy to take on new clients, so this could be a real business soon!”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned by how the OP thought this was “winning.”
“I don’t know why OP is happy. It is kinda sad that her husband only praises the food because he thinks it comes from her sister, but when it’s OP cooking, he insults her and is a complete AH to her.”
“OP, are you really okay with your hubby treating you like trash?” – Ambitious_Estimate41
“NTA, but why are you still married to this AH, OP?”
“I mean, assuming your husband is doing at least okay in every other department in your marriage, it’s your life to live, and there’s give and take in every relationship. But something tells me that spending an extra 3,000 a month puts a nice little crescendo on his attitude and gives him something else to hold against you besides your cooking.”
“I’d rather have a partner who respects me more than how I cook. I hope you come to feel that way about yourself, too.” – Lt_ACAB
“My ex was this stupid. He would have a tantrum about leftover anything and refuse to eat it unless he thought it was someone’s restaurant leftovers. Then he would steal it and eat it.”
“I started using take-out containers for leftovers. Even things he knew I made a few nights prior got eaten if it was in a take-out container. I just ran with it because he stopped b***hing and leftovers got consumed. By the way, you can get small packs of to-go containers on Amazon.”
“This just made my situation so much easier until I was able to leave. I hope the OP is coming at this with the same frame of mind, trying to have a peaceful environment until she can leave it behind.” – whoinvitedthesepeopl
“NTA. The fact that he was SO insulting and vile about ‘your’ food but now loves ‘your sister’s’ food means he was just trying to hurt you, to break you down, and to make you feel small.”
“His high praise now is supposed to make you jealous of your sister and feel like you aren’t good enough to provide for your husband.”
“I say keep taking the money, but make an exit plan now in case he turns his attention to hurting you elsewhere when he realizes his current angle isn’t hurting you anymore.” – Big_Zucchini_9800
“For cases of cheating or jerk husbands, you don’t separate immediately. You, first, take his money, and then you separate. The same applies to cheating and imbecile wives.” – Randomoldgirl
“I think it’s interesting her response to him was, ‘Fine, I’ll just take your money but not address the fact that you’re a complete piece of s**t as a husband.'”
“Seriously, if my partner insulted me like that, he’d get his own d**n food from then on, and I’d tell him, ‘If you ever make another nasty comment about me, I’ll leave you so you can take care of EVERYTHING for yourself, you ungrateful a**!'”
“Sigh, I’m okay now… whew. NTA, OP, but you deserve better.” – TaylorMade2566
Others hoped the OP was saving the money to plan her exit strategy.
“The post sounds like OP’s over his crap and is just pocketing the cash towards her escape.”
“It’s like having a bad job but biding your time while waiting to cash in (bonus, vacation pay, etc.). OP got a new part-time job, cooking for her husband, which probably comes with benefits due to her husband’s job, and her sister just offered her a job.”
“OP is just working towards a goal while having a crap boss/husband.” – MelodramaticMouse
“Let him keep giving OP money so she can get out of there. The fact that all she did was write her sister’s name and he stopped complaining is what amazes me, like, wow.” – Hana_1209
“As an aside, OP better be extra diligent on not letting this cat out of the bag. If her husband is this big a piece of s**t to demean his wife and insult her (in front of family too), he’s not above some sort of violence when he finds out he’s been made a ‘fool.'”
“And I agree to pocket the money from this piece of s**t, but people like him don’t take too kindly for being the butt of a joke (e.g. tell sister and whoever knows to NEVER use this as ammunition if he insults OPs cooking in front of them).” – NiceRat123
“NTA, but absolutely don’t let him find out, because he’s going to demand you give it back to him. Make sure your family is careful about letting it slip.” – Crazy-4-Conures
“OP, ask your sister to bank the $750 for you, and that will add up quickly. He’ll never have reason to suspect you have a private stash since he doesn’t know he’s paying you, and if she holds it for you and just ‘gifts’ it to you when you move out, it’s not marital property.” – throwaway1975764
“The sister could open a separate high-yield savings account and deposit anything OP doesn’t spend cash on. It would be exactly what they are telling OP’s husband they are doing.”
“Then when OP is ready to leave, the sister could step in and use that account to pay for movers, lawyers, Apartment Deposit, whatever for OP. Any remainder would probably be in the family gift allowable amount so could be given back as a check.”
“Then if the husband catches OP earlier in the day, OP could show receipts that the sister has the cash and say something about ‘warming things up’ or whatever.” – AdviceMoist6152
“The sister should keep the money safe for OP. In the divorce, when the jerk husband finds out OP was cooking, the sister could say she ‘out-sourced’ the cooking to OP. The story would be that the sister did not pay OP because she did it for the sheer satisfaction of knowing her husband likes her cooking without him knowing.”
“After the divorce is settled, the sister can ‘gift’ OP the money.” – Shimata0711
“This post is what narcissists do. They cut their victims off, heap s**t on the victim’s head, make them feel like they’re not worth anything, and then revel in the chaos they created. The OP’s husband just wants to be mean.”
“My father used to do this type of s**t to my mother. It starts off small, but when you have someone chipping away at your self-esteem over time, it works. My father used this abuse tactic to isolate my mother and to make her think nobody else would want her, therefore trying to keep her tied to the abuse.”
“Good on you for uno-reversing him, but I’d use the money to serve him papers if I were you. Set aside the rest for your escape.” – Alarming_Cellist_751
While no one was opposed to the OP tricking her husband and keeping the money for herself, they were conflicted over her response to the scheme.
The OP seemed pleased with herself and the situation, and the subReddit hoped that one day she would see it as an opportunity to escape and find something better rather than settle for her husband complaining less at home.