Every now and then, we’ve all come up with a phony excuse to get out of something we really don’t want to do.
Whether or not we were successful in fooling others however is not always a guarantee.
For while some people don’t give it a second thought, and let it roll off their backs, others might need proof that our reasons for not doing something we were invited or asked to do were legitimate.
While some people are excellent at covering up their tracks, others don’t put in quite enough planning.
Redditor Neat-Pay-7558 was disappointed when her husband suddenly couldn’t join her and her son on a recent excursion.
However, when the original poster (OP) was given some fairly startling information about her husband, she went from being disappointed to suspicious.
As one might expect, the OP’s husband did not appreciate her suspicions, putting a significant rift between them.
Worried she may have been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not believing my husband stayed in while sick?”
The OP explained why her trust of her husband began to steadily diminish after his story for skipping a family trip didn’t quite add up.
“My husband, our toddler and I were going camping when he got terrible diarrhea and couldn’t come.”
“While I was gone my mom (lives at our house) checked in on him and he was gone.”
“She texted thinking he came on the trip.”
“He didn’t so I asked him if he went out.”
“He told me he was sleeping and that’s why my mom missed him.”
“I asked where he was sleeping bc she said she looked all over, and he stopped responding to my texts.”
“I guess my mom asked him about it bc he told her he was sleeping in the guest room.”
“But when I got home the room had no blankets, and the stuff that was on it when I left was untouched (scarf, wood stick on pillow).”
“So I ask him about it again when I got home and he was pissed I thought he’d go out when he had horrible diarrhea.”
“He stormed away and then took the car to get it washed.”
“When he got home he was no longer fuming but went to his office to play video games until dinner/we put our kid to bed.”
“Then wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night, hiding in the office to play video games more.”
“So AITA for not believing my husband, should I trust him despite the information I was given/saw for myself?”
“He’s a great guy and I’d trust w my life but I feel like I’d be a fool not to at least question the circumstance.”
“If it were me I’d be hurt at not being trusted but I feel like I’d at least explain myself.”
“AITA for wanting an explanation?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting an explanation from her husband.
Everyone agreed that the story of the OP didn’t add up, and she definitely deserved an explanation, with many people having several different opinions as to what her husband was actually up to.
“NTA.”
“It’s shady.”
“He might have just gone to the pub for a bit, lied thinking you’d be mad at him for not going camping, and keeps doubling down on it.”
“Could be anything really.”- panachi19
“NTA.”
“You are entitled to an explanation.”
“Update us when you have an answer”- ultavulta
“He faked having diarrhea so he didn’t have to go camping.”
“He definitely went out to do something he actually wanted to do instead.”
“He could have went to see a sex worker or to play golf. There is no way of knowing.”
“What would upset me was the blatant lying.”
“Can you check the GPS on his car?”
“It might give you some answers.”- Medeya24
“A coworker of mine was once in the hot seat.”
“He was taking a day off to just sit in a coffee shop and read or went to play video games.”
“His wife somehow found out and requested to see his time sheet, which showed a number of days off where he went to work.”
“It was bad.”
“She was convinced he was cheating, and he lied cuz he didn’t want to admit to his wife that he took a day off just to be alone.”
“High-pressure job and two young kids apparently drove him to the brink.”
“He eventually was able to prove it, but I think it took a week or two during which he was basically heading for divorce.”- Sudden-Rip-4471
“Best case, it was the sh*ts.”
“Worst case, he is cheating.”- filetmignon100
“Yikes…you’re NTA.”
“May I ask who planned and scheduled the camping trip on the calendar?”
“What vehicle did he take to get washed during this heated argument?”
“The vehicle you took camping or a vehicle he had in his possession during your absence?”
“I don’t think he’s cheating.”
“I think cheating would be small taters compared to the vibes I’m getting.”- FreckledFraggle
“NTA, because he obviously lied.”
“Is the game he was playing Baldur’s Gate 3?”
“It just came out and is a huge deal to a lot of people, so I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he lied to get a weekend free to play, popped out to get gaming snacks/beers, and is doubling down now he got caught.”
“If that’s the case, it’s probably something you’ll laugh together about someday if he comes clean, but not if he insists on lying about it.”- megsinmcc
“Any time anyone gets hella defensive immediately when they’re accused, instead of communicating when their partner is obviously upset, it’s a red flag.”
“Might not indicate he’s cheating, but he’s willing to save face than reassure you.”- Willing-Round9851
“NTA.”
“Something’s definitely off here, and it’s hard to tell if it’s something innocuous or not.”
“Maybe he was feeling better and went out?”
“Maybe he made an obligation to help a friend with something sensitive?”
“Maybe he just didn’t want to go camping?”
“Worst case?”
“He’s cheating.”
“He did try to gaslight you, which isn’t very nice.”
“I’d want to know what’s up.”- xdaemonisx
There were a select few, however, who agreed that the OP’s husband was clearly trying to cover something up but didn’t see anything terribly wrong with that, and people shouldn’t assume the worst.
“NAH.”
“Everyone is pretty quick to jump to ‘He’s cheating!’”
“Maybe he was sleeping in the guest room.”
“Crapped himself.”
“Took the sheets off to wash.”
“Now he’s embarrassed.”
“Or, didn’t wanna go camping, lied, and now realizes that was a shit thing to do and is embarrassed.”
“Or, hates your mom, hid from her, and doesn’t want to admit it.”- WackyNephews
“If this is not his usual behaviour, than this is concerning.”
“Your mum just may be wrong (sometimes people just oversee things despite claiming ‘I looked everywhere’, she may have forgotten to check the guest room and even if, she may just have taken him covered in some blanket as the usual mess, idk).”
“But his whole reaction, this silent treatment, and this avoiding you speaks tons.”
“He is obviously hiding something from you.”
“Either he just wanted to have a game time without kids and made a lame excuse.”
“Or went drinking with buds.”
“Or was gambling.”
“Or made some preparations for your wedding anniversary (‘Wait, what? It is tomorrow?’).”
“These are all legit theories without calling the (reasonable) cheating option.”
“But he definitely is hiding something.”
“NTA.”- BertTheNerd
“I think it’s weird he got so defensive.”
“After lying.”
“But I mean, just say where you were, dude.”- JohnExcrement
“NTA.”
“But it is shocking to see all the immediate jumps to cheating with the rationale ‘why else would he be so defensive’?”
“Literally hundreds of reasons.”
“People feel shame for such an incredible plethora of things, so many of which might seem irrational to another person.”
“All his behavior confirms is he seems to be being dishonest and defensive about it, which likely means he is ashamed of the truth, but immediately assuming cheating is extreme.”
“Also, the number of people advising to check phone logs, location services, etc., while still seemingly agreeing that you should be able to have trust in a relationship?”
“That goes both ways.”
“Betraying your partner’s trust and invading their privacy like that is completely unfair and disrespects them and your relationship.”
“I have been cheated on, and I know well the feeling of reflecting back and feeling like a fool and the regret that comes with that for feeling like you wasted your own time, but that does not justify that kind of behavior.”
“The best thing to do is approach him about it.”
“I definitely agree with all the comments saying to try to take a gentle and understanding angle. We all know how difficult conversations had around shame can be.”
“But OP is definitely NTA for feeling that their trust is shaken and wanting to resolve that, as well as expecting to be able to civilly and without such reactivity from his side.”
“I do agree it seems there is something he’s not telling her.”- TheMurks
It’s hard not to agree that the OP’s husband was clearly lying.
Not only based on the fact that none of his excuses quite held together but primarily based on how angry he got when his wife continued to question him.
One can only hope whatever he was trying to hide wasn’t something terribly serious.
Even if the chances of the OP ever trusting him ever again have likely substantially decreased.