We’d all like to think that our family will always be there for us when we need them.
Sadly, that simply isn’t the case for everyone.
As some people have such a bad relationship with their family, that even when they find themselves at their lowest, they still can’t find it in them to reach out to them for help.
Or worse, their family refuses to hear them when they do.
Upon the death of her father, Redditor its-for-the-better decided that she no longer wanted either her stepmother or half-sister to be a part of her life, cutting them out completely.
Much to her surprise, however, the original poster (OP) found herself contacted by her half-sister, revealing she was going through a hard time and asking for her help.
Even so, the OP remained firm in her decision, even when others contacted her encouraging her to at least hear what her half-sister had to say.
Wondering if she was making the right decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not caring and refusing to help depressed half-sister after our father’s death?”
The OP explained why she did not want her half-sister in her life in any way, even when she reached out hoping for a stronger relationship.
“I (60s) have two sisters (60s) and we were born from our father’s first marriage.”
“Unfortunately our mother passed away when we were young, so our father was left all alone to take care of us and I admit it must have been difficult to do so, I mean, we were teenagers at that time.”
“Our father was an immigrant from Italy and saw the horrors of war firsthand but was always a good father and also a decent man.”
“He married his second wife, the stepmother, and they stayed together until his death.”
“Bear in mind the stepmother was the same age as us and so the relationship between was always strained.”
“Stepmother got pregnant and at that time concerns were raised because of their advanced age.”
“Unfortunately our father passed away fifteen years ago, my sisters and I were in our fifties, half-sister was only 12.”
“She’s now 27.”
“I should mention that half-sister was absolutely the apple of our father’s eye.”
“When he passed, I made it very clear that I didn’t want anything to do with the stepmother and half-sister anymore, that all the ties were gone and so we were no contact for a couple years even though we lived in the same street.”
“Stepmother took my half-sister out of school after his death, purposely ruining her daughter’s life.”
“I know that my half-sister did not have the normal experience of growing up, she also lost her friends, she missed out on the experiences and I always knew it would come to this because stepmother is a terrible person.”
“I recognize that I did have the privilege of keeping a normal life after a parent’s death and while it is a shame that half-sister hasn’t had the same chance, I choose not to intervene.”
“Fast forward a couple years, found out my half-sister got severe depression, hasn’t finished her studies and is pratically a doormat.”
“Our father left each daughter a share in his estate, but half-sister was very irresponsible with hers.”
“She tried to reach out to my sisters and I, saying her psychiatrist told her she ‘needed a support group’, and said she’s alone and can’t count on anyone else.”
“She’s going through a difficult time and wants to cut ties with her mother/our stepmother.”
“She says she desperately needs someone.”
“We tried to explained to her that a lot of time has passed, there’s no bridge between us and our father’s already dead.”
“As in, there’s no bond anymore.”
“I got a call a couple days ago from the psychiatrist (apparently she gave my number to him in case of a emergency), who’s very worried about her.”
“To put it bluntly, I told him to forget my number, to never contact me again and made it clear that I don’t want anything to do with the stepmother and half-sister.”
“I also told him I will never forgive my half-sister for what she did to our father, destroying his legacy.”
“By ‘destroying his legacy’, I meant that she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and ruined it.”
“Hasn’t finished her studies.”
“I said it, she’s a doormat.”
“Girl is going nowhere.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believe the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP was greeted almost unanimously by horror and disgust by the Reddit community, who all unanimously agreed that she was most definitely the a**hole for the way she treated her half-sister.
Everyone found the OP’s behavior utterly appalling, seeing no justifiable reason as to why she felt the need to cut her half-sister from her life, when she clearly needed a family member who could show her love and compassion. Many thought that if anyone was “failing [the OP’s father]’s legacy”, it was her for her cruel treatment of her half-sister.
“YTA.”
“WTF do you mean by ‘destroyed his legacy?'”
“It sounds like her life was f*cked as a child, and you just sh*t on her.”- Ok_Conversation9750
“OP, how can you be so heartless?”
“What did your half-sister ever do to deserve such resentment from you and your sisters?”
“She was a child when your father died, and you were all, ‘Yup, dad is gone so SEE YA!’ to your half-sister.”
“WHY?! WHAT DID SHE DO?!”
“You’re right. There is no bridge between you two BECAUSE YOU TORCHED IT FOR NO REASON!”
“She’s desperately trying to reach out to you because of the years and years of abuse from your stepmother that YOU ABANDONED HER WITH!”
“OP, you are heartless.”
“You are absolutely without a doubt an a**hole.”
“YTA.”- TheBigBluePit
“YTA.”
“What ‘legacy’?”
“This girl has suffered pretty much her whole life and didn’t ask to be born.”
“Yet.. you blame her for being born anyway.”
“You’re probably right, though, to not be supportive of her because you’re not what she needs.”
“Not at all.”
“Strangers on the street would probably be kinder.”- princessofIreland
“YTA.”
“Your father would be disappointed in you and your cruel mindset.”- volpiousraccoon
“Wow, YTA big time.”
“Your half-sister was just a child when your father passed, and you turned your back on her because of your issues with your stepmother.”
“She clearly had a troubled upbringing after his death, and now that she’s reaching out for support, you’re still refusing to help?”
“Your resentment is misplaced.”
“She was 12 when he passed; she wasn’t responsible for whatever happened with your stepmother or the legacy you’re so hung up on.”
“Your father’s real legacy would’ve been love and unity, but you’ve chosen bitterness and anger instead.”
“It doesn’t matter how much time has passed; family is family.”
“Shame on you.”- Flowersons
“YTA.”
“You sound so cold.”
“You’re bitter your dad remarried and had another child.”
“You took out it on that child. It’s not her fault she was born.”
“If your stepmother was awful, by all means cut ties with her but the kid was innocent.”
“The very least you could have done was made a phone call to social services if she was being neglected/abused.”
“Also, what legacy?”
“Your whole post is about your wicked stepmother and hating your half-sister by extension.”
‘Then you drop the ‘she ruined our dad’s legacy’ line in at the end.”
“Your father would be disappointed in her?”
“For suffering from depression after years of abuse?”
“Yikes.”
“Sounds like he’d be more disappointed in you with your cold heart.”- No-Manufacturer-6003
“YTA.”
“She wants a non-abusive family member to talk to.”
“Talk to this child. She has been abused since she was 12, ffs.”
“I understand your resentment with your dad marrying someone your age, but this child is probably going to die without support, and she is down to someone who she knows resents her for emotional help.”- guardlamamama
“YTA.”
“The 12-year-old who was home-schooled and abused, at least emotionally, by her mother destroyed your father’s legacy.”
“You have as much influence on your father’s legacy as she did, and you left her, the daughter of your father, to be mistreated.”
“She’s as much part of your legacy as you and his money are, and he failed her too leaving her in a position to be exploited by her father mother.”
“And you are blaming a literal child for this?”
“Why?”
“Because it absolves you of all responsibility and guilt for hating a child for replacing you in your Dad’s affections.”
“You have no duty to her, no responsibility but my, you are enjoying watching your replacement implode.”
“And that makes you an AH to my mind.”
“And dressing it up with high sentiments doesn’t make it look any better.”
“You could have helped your father’s ‘legacy’ (child and money alike), but you choose not to intervene.”
“I hope you hold yourself to the same standards as you did the child.”
“Why are you allowed forgiveness and not her?”- Timely_Egg_6827
It couldn’t have been easy for the OP to see her father marry someone virtually her own age, with whom she clearly did not have the best relationship.
Even so, the OP’s decision to hear her half-sister suffers from severe depression after seemingly being given the cold shoulder by her own mother was to cut her out completely and not offer any sort of help is shocking, to say the least.
The one thing people suffering from depression need to know more than anything is that they are loved and have a network of people they can reach out to.