In many relationships, there is always one person who does the cooking.
The home chef position could be an arranged agreement where the other person does the dishes. Sometimes, the positions switch.
There are many variations to this but overall, it shouldn’t breed resentment.
However, one woman who does the cooking was upset over a development situation with her boyfriend.
So she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked strangers for judgment on her position.
There, Redditor eska089 asked:
“AITA for refusing to cook after my BF tried to “critique” my cooking with a literal PowerPoint presentation?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So, this happened a few days ago, and I’m still trying to process it. For context, I (28 F[female]) have been with my BF (30 M[ale]) for about 2 years. We live together, and I’ve always done most of the cooking because I genuinely enjoy it, and he claims he can’t ‘even boil water’ without setting off the smoke alarm.”
“The other night, I made one of our favorite meals, and while we were eating, he got a weird smirk on his face. He then says, ‘You know, I’ve been taking notes.’ I laughed, thinking he was joking, but then he said, ‘No, really. I made a presentation.’”
The OP continued:
“I still thought it was a joke until he got up, connected his laptop to the TV, and opened a PowerPoint titled ‘Improving Our Home Dining Experience.’ I was in disbelief as he went slide by slide critiquing my dishes: ‘Slide 1: Too Much Garlic,’ ‘Slide 2: Pasta Consistency,’ ‘Slide 3: More Salt, Less Sass.’ ”
“The kicker was Slide 8, which was just a photo of Gordon Ramsay facepalming with the caption, ‘What he’d think.’ ”
“I was stunned. I told him if he had such detailed opinions, he should cook himself. He tried to backtrack, saying it was ‘all in good fun’ and that he was ‘just trying to help.’ But I wasn’t laughing. I haven’t cooked since, and now he’s been living off cereal and takeout. He’s sulking, saying I’m overreacting and ‘ruining the joke.’ ”
“So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to cook after my BF presented me with a PowerPoint critique of my cooking?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA.”
‘He claims he can’t “even boil water” without setting off the smoke alarm.’
“If he had the time to make a powerpoint, he has time to learn to cook.” – wigglepie
“This. I had a boyfriend in college who was a really nice guy but his mom did his laundry. Not let him use her machines but actually did his laundry for him. While she cooked him dinner.”
“One time he said to me, ‘If we get married, you’ll have to do all the ironing because I don’t know how.’ I replied in a deadpan voice, ‘I’ll teach you.’ Needless to say, he didn’t like that.
“I was thinking, ‘Dude, I don’t iron my own clothes. What makes you think I’m going to iron yours. If you’re bright enough to make it into college you can figure out how to iron something. It’s not rocket science.” – BluffCityTatter
“Holy sh*t, what a dick. If he can make a Powerpoint about all his complaints about your cooking, he can learn how to follow a recipe like a big boy.” – WebInformal9558
“Seriously. I have a friend who I never knew to cook. He probably didn’t until he was almost 40. He’s also a very bright and talented lawyer. Then during covid he started making all kinds of meals for his family.”
“When asked about it he said, ‘it’s not f’king hard. You do what the recipe says.’ The man went from zero to nailing his temps on duck in months.” – MaxPower637
“Righttt? ‘All in good fun’ doesn’t excuse his behavior. Critiquing OP’s cooking in such a public way is disrespectful. If he wants a say, he should contribute. A complete AH.” – Eli_working
“If you’re going to rely on weaponized incompetence to get out of contributing, you should definitely not also be a giant a**hole about it.” – WebInformal9558
“Yeah, like, if my partner said ‘Hey, this is really nice, but could you maybe cut back on the garlic a bit next time?’ I’d just say, ‘Yeah, no worries, just remind me.'”
“But if he pulled out a f’king PowerPoint, much less while we were eating, his food would get slung out the front door and he would have to fend for himself until there was a huge grovelling apology and perhaps a surprise dinner that he cooked. And then my petty ass would seriously have to resist the temptation to text him a ‘review’ of the meal afterward.”
“There is expressing your likes, dislikes, and preferences, and then there’s…this. He’s a total lampshade. F’k that.” – AutisticTumourGirl
“I’d make a presentation about how he can move the f’k out and cook alone in his new bachelor pad. Why are you tolerating this?? Do you want your bar so low the occupants of hell trip on it??”
“Couldn’t he have used that time to learn how to boil water? The weaponized incompetence in this one is staggering.” – redditlurker1981
“This OP. He can’t even boil water apparently but can find time to create a f’king power point. If my partner dare to do that I’d kick him to the curb. It’s okay to give suggestions on what’s need to be added ‘ooh I’d love to see you go ham on the spice on this next time’ but a whole ass PowerPoint then sulk when you don’t find his joke funny when he is as old as he is?” – bunnywasabi
“Make a PowerPoint presentation about how he can improve his sexual performance. NTA.” – choppedliver65
“You don’t even have to make it. Just tell him you’re ‘working on it’ that’s why you haven’t been able to cook.””
This reminds me of a story my mom shared with me. My dad once made a rather rude comment about her cooking—though it wasn’t in a PowerPoint presentation. Every night, she would feed the kids and clean up as if she had never cooked at all.”
“When my dad came home, there was nothing for him to eat. She kept doing this until he apologized profusely.”
“Send him reeling. 😡” – Anonimityville
“NTA.”
“Also, if you have the PowerPoint, you could try @-ing Gordon Ramsay on social media and have him tear your BF a new one. I don’t think he’d take too kindly to your BF using him to be a sh*t.” – Glaucus92
“Yeah, no. My ex was the same. He’d absolutely decimate me about something, could be anything, cooking, eating, what I wore, my make up, literally anything. Then when I got upset or fought back, every single time I got, verbatim ‘f’k sake, can you no take a f’king joke?? I canny f’king say anything like’. Every. Single. Time.”
“You’ll notice I said ‘ex.’ “
“Cook for yourself, let him eat cereal until he can understand he was wrong and why.”
“It very may well have been a joke, coz I really can’t see anyone being so far gone that they would think a ppt would be the way to go here, but as soon as he realised you didn’t actually find it funny, he should have backed down. ‘sh*t, sorry, I was trying to be funny but it didn’t land. I’m so sorry, dinner is actually really great and I appreciate you cooking all the time, I’d starve without you’ type thing.” – Ashamed-Director-428
“Absolutely NTA. First, he is weaponizing incompetence. If he’s such a great food citric that he can out together an entire presentation on the laptop and display it to the tv… pretty advanced skills there buddy, then CLEARLY he understands enough to read a recipe and follow directions. He can cook hamburger helper. Eating cereal is a pretty basic display of him signaling that his pathetic situation is somehow your fault.”
“Second, Does he show any gratitude or appreciation for you doing all the cooking? I thank my husband every single meal – he loves to cook. Sometimes I say ‘could use more salt’ or whatever but ONLY when he asks! Because I cherish my relationship and I am not looking a gift cooking horse in the mouth lol.”
“It’s okay to say ‘hey this meal is great. I probably prefer more salt but thank you so much for making it!’ But a whole ass presentation is so wildly passive aggressive.”
“If he’s going to continue to pout, you should sit him down and offer to teach him to cook. Otherwise he needs to keep it cute or keep it mute when it comes to his options about your food unless asked.” – samijo311
Overall, Redditors thought it was very audacious of the OP’s boyfriend to go as far as preparing a PowerPoint presentation to prove a point under the guise of having fun.
They also thought if he went through all the trouble of criticizing her cooking, he could’ve channeled all of that energy into learning how to cook something to accommodate his very specific tastes.