Depending on who the bride and groom are, as well as the type of wedding they’re holding, a wedding guest list has the potential to be either one of the easier tasks that comes with wedding planning or among the most stressful.
If it’s going to be a small wedding with close family only, then a guest list is almost irrelevant.
Most of the time, however, brides and grooms are faced with the rather difficult task of who makes the cut and who doesn’t.
For Redditor thatgirlthrowa, there was no doubt in her mind that one certain member of her family was not welcome at her upcoming wedding.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s father was not at all pleased to hear of this decision and threatened to revoke his funding for the wedding unless the OP changed her mind.
The OP, however, remained resolute and made it abundantly clear that this family member was not welcome at her wedding, even if it meant her father wouldn’t be there either.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my stepsister who bullied me to my wedding?”
The OP explained why she made a point of excluding one particular family member from her wedding and why this so angered her father:
“My father remarried when I (25 F[emale]) was 14, his wife Mary (49 F) and his stepdaughter Kyla (26 F) were hell in my life.”
“My father is wealthy so we used to go to a fancy school.”
“Kyla was very mean to me, and I had a hard time to the point that I had to move to another school because I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Once she convinced my father and Mary that I was pregnant, it was so embarrassing because I was still a virgin, and yet, she and Mary convinced my father that I should do a pregnancy test.”
“After it came negative, she told some of her friends at school that she was one year ahead of me, that I had an abortion.”
“The bullying was non-stop. She would do anything to make my life miserable.”
“When I was already going to another school, she told everybody at my old school that I left because I was caught stealing at the mall and I was in a youth detention center.”
“My parents had split custody, so I used to spend one week with my father and one with my mom.”
“After two years of hell, I told my father that I wouldn’t stay at his place anymore and our relationship was reduced to two weekends a month.”
“My relationship with my father was nonexistent during my college days.”
“He would send me money and call me once every month, and that was it.”
“I went to his house one or two times during my five years in college.”
“I started dating my fiancé Louis (26 M[ale]) 4 years ago, and I only introduced him to my father after more than two years of relationship.”
“I am getting married this spring, and we are going to marry at the beach in another country in Europe.”
“Both families are wealthy, and we decided to offer the stay at the hotel to our guests, and they’ll pay only for their tickets.”
“Because of that, we decided to settle on a small number of guests, around 80, and of course Kyla is not one of them.”
“The wedding plan started 3 months ago and my father knew that I wasn’t going to invite Kyla, however he flipped out now and said that I need to invite her.”
“I said that I am not going to invite a person that I don’t have one single good memory to such a big day.”
“We been fighting about that since then.”
“This last week, he told me that I shouldn’t count on his money if Kyla isn’t invited, and my mom said, ‘Fine, I’ll pay for everything then’.”
“After that, he said that he’s not coming to the wedding without Kyla, and I replied, ‘Fine.'”
“My grandma and aunt are trying to convince me to invite Kyla for the good sake of our family, but to be honest, I am not even sure if we are a family.”
“Am I the ahole for not inviting a person who bullied me for years for one of the biggest days in my life?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to invite Kyla to her wedding.
Everyone agreed that what Kyla did was far worse than bullying and was thus in no way worthy of being at the OP’s wedding, with many also feeling that the OP was probably better off not having her father at the wedding either.
“I’m sorry your dad had spent 11 years putting your stepsister ahead of you.”
“Where was all that concern when you were being tormented to the point where it shattered the family?”
“Did they ever suggest to Kyla, her mother, or your father that she stop her atrocious behavior?”
“I’d be ready to break ties with all of them if they don’t stop trying to tell you to fix the family that was broken by Kyla, her mom, and your dad.”- Dittoheadforever
“Kyla has been nothing but vicious to you. Why the f*ck would you invite her?”
“As for your dad, I’m so curious. Is he aware of everything Kyla has done to you?”- Stranger0nReddit
“This is your wedding and your guest list – your childhood bully shouldn’t be on it.”
“Your father took a side by opting out of your wedding; you don’t need him there either since he didn’t seem to put much effort into your relationship the past few years anyway.”
“You can explain to your grandma and aunt the hurt that you feel (or don’t; you don’t really owe them that) because they should be lecturing your dad, not you, about keeping the family together.”
“It seems your mom is the hero in this.”
“Focus on her, your fiancé, and the new family you’ll be gaining in this marriage.”
“Anyone bringing their toxic attitude doesn’t need to come to the wedding or into this new phase of your life for that matter.”- Croissantal
“Does your aunt and grandma know what she did to you?”
“The full details, if they do, I’m so disappointed in them.”
“I mean, aren’t you family?”
“Shouldn’t they protect family from an abuser?”
“Keeping up appearances seems to be their motive.”
“Because it’s obvious that you wouldn’t be inviting her.”
“To think otherwise is delusional! Ignore them, stick with your decision and enjoy your wedding.”
“Wishing you a happy marriage.”- Ariesinnc3017
“I love how you’re not letting his threats mean anything to you.”
‘“I’ll withhold my money.'”
“Fine ‘I won’t come’.”
“Your spine is so shiny, it sparkles.”- mycatsitslikeppl
“Your grandmother is saying to invite her for ‘the good sake of our family’ is bullying.”
“Your grandmother is more concerned about appearances than your feelings.”
“Don’t back down.”
“You will regret it forever if you do because the memories of your wedding will be tainted by this.”-FuzzyMom2005
The OP later returned, thanking everyone who took the time to comment while also clarifying just how much her extended family knew about Kayla’s treatment towards her.
“I just want to say thank you to everyone.”
“I had a hard time, and I just left that behind because I wanted to move on and be happy, but with all of your comments, I started crying because you’re right. He never showed me love, it’s so hard to admit that your father doesn’t love you because that’s what parents should do, right?”
“They should love you.”
“I can’t answer everyone, so thank you for helping me.”
“There’s a lot of questions about how much everyone knows about the situation.”
“My father was up to everything, and he never took it seriously.”
“My grandma lives in another country, and I don’t know how much she knew at the time, but she knows to some extent now.”
“My aunt knows everything because her daughter is one of my best friends and my bridesmaid.”
“As I pointed out, my family is quite wealthy and they care a lot about family and legacy and those type of things that doesn’t make any sense to me, however it’s very important for them.”
A wedding day should be filled with nothing but endless joy.
With that in mind, no one who has even the slightest potential to take that joy away should be present at any wedding.
In this case, that sadly means that the OP’s wedding will probably be a much happier affair if her father isn’t present.