An impending family visit can result in a wide array of emotions.
More often than not, people can’t wait when their family is coming to stay with them for a few days, or even weeks.
But when you don’t have a particularly strong relationship with these family members, the anticipation of their visit might be less than joyous.
Also dampening the excitement could be when the family visiting isn’t your own.
Such was the case with Redditor Advanced_Relation_16, whose roommate’s family was coming to stay with them in their apartment.
Until the original poster (OP) threw a wrench in their plans, eventually putting a strain on their friendship.
Concerned she may have been inconsiderate to her roommate and her family, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my roommates family stay with us?”
The OP shared how her roommate’s family was planning on paying a visit, and came up with a cost cutting measure regarding accommodation, which was less than convenient for the OP.
“My roommate and I share a 2 bed 1 bath.”
“It’s about 900 square feet, which is not too bad with only two people living in it.”
“Alright, so my roommates family wants to come down and see her which I have no problem with. “
“The problem started when her sister texted her asking if her and her four kids, ages ranging between newborn to 14 yo, could also stay with us.”
“I already knew that her mother would be staying with us because she said she couldn’t afford to come down unless she stayed at our place.”
“I was totally cool with that.”
“But now she wants her mom, sister and her four kids to cram into this small ass space.”
“That’s 8 people for 10 days in this small apartment.”
“So, I told her that wasn’t going to work for me, that there’s no way that we could fit that many people in our place.”
“I’ll also add that my roommate and I are close and we consider each other best friends.”
“Now, she wasn’t happy when I told her that and I could tell when she called her sister and mom that they were all irritated with me.”
“I’ve been told that I’m being inconsiderate while others have told me that there’s no way we could have 8 people staying here for 10 days.”
“I feel bad because I do care about her but on the other hand I feel like what was being asked of me was completely unreasonable.”
“I didn’t even mention to her that on the lease we both signed we are not allowed to have overnight guests more than 3 nights in a row because I know she probably wouldn’t care about that but I do.”
“She called me this morning and expressed that she doesn’t even feel comfortable in her own place anymore.”
“That I never let her have people over, which I can assure you is not true.”
“She told me that that’s her family and her sister can’t come down unless she stays with us.”
“I told her that if her sister can’t afford to come down then she should wait until she can.”
“I also brought up the lease and she told me she already talked to the landlord and he said it was fine if her family stayed with us.”
“I’ll be checking that out myself to see if she actually said how many people would be at our place.”
“She also told me that if the situation was reversed she’d never say no to me because it’s not her place to say no.”
“I told her it absolutely would be the only difference is I would never even suggest it to her, I’d tell my OWN family they need to find a place to stay or wait until they can afford it.”
“Shits not going well.”
“I hate feeling pressured and like a piece of sh*t.”
“So, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to let her roommate’s parents stay in their apartment.
Everyone was in agreement that the OP had every right to say no as her name was on the lease of the apartment as well, and her roommate was imposing on her by having her whole family stay in such a small space.
“NTA.”
“She’s asking for something unreasonable.”
“There simply isn’t enough room for that many people.”- jlnbtr
“NTA.”
“Especially with FOUR children of varying ages.”
“Where the hell would everyone even sleep?”
“Cramming everyone in for one night, maybe.”
“But 10 days is a long time.”- InannasPocket
“NTA.”
“Immediately no.”
“8 people in a 2br 1b for 10 days when 4 are kids?”
“She has got to be insane to think that would work”
“. What are her plans for sleeping arrangements?”
“Hell even the bathroom arrangements?”- AngeloPappas
“NTA.”
“And I bet if you had agreed, next step would have been demands that you give your room to roommate’s sister and kids.”- VallisGratia
“NTA.”
“That many people in that space is insane and probably against your leasing terms.”- torknorggren
“For ten days?”
“Nta.”
“I could even understand one night.”- No-Rub1544.
“NTA.”
“They shouldn’t have had the nerve to even ask.”
“That’s absolutely ridiculous.”
“Doesn’t sound like they are people that think things through and guaranteed they wouldn’t show up with food and the things they would actually need for their kids.”- Zestyclose_Media_548
“Absolutely NTA that sounds like hell even if it was your own family crammed in a small space let alone someone else’s.”
“You’re roommates, she has to realise things like this affect both of you and you have to both agree.”- the_tartanunicorn.
“NTA.”
“The space doesn’t support that many people.”
“If they want to visit, and they have to stay there or be unable to visit, then they can’t all visit at the same time.”
“Even if you were willing to deal with the chaos for a weekend.”
“10 days is way too much to ask.”- animaniactoo
“In many places, it is actually against code or illegal to have more than 6 people in a two bedroom apartment.”
“2 per bedroom +2 is the standard.”
“You could face immediate eviction in a few places, but generally you might get a fine or even a notice to vacate.”-Â Internal_Set_6564
“NTA.”
“For one thing, it would be miserable to have that many people around for 10 days.”
“Second, you’d probably get evicted.”- ChapSteve711
“Well, of course!”
“They want a beach vacation and YOU are supposed to supplement it with your rent, utilities, hell, probably food, too.”
“Absolutely not.”
“If they can’t afford the vacation, they can’t afford the vacation.”
“And shame on your roommate for trying to let them take advantage of the both of you when they’re grown women who should know better.”
“Jfc, why can’t your roommate, ONE person, just go visit all these people herself?”
“Let me guess, you live in an area with one or more major tourist attractions, and they see your place as their hotel?”- Terrible-Ambition400
“Definitely NTA.”
“8 people in a 2 bedroom apartment is insane!”
“Either she can go visit them, they can get a hotel, or wait to see each other until one of those things can happen.”- zzbeargoddess
“NTA.”
“You live there so it’s your decision as well.”
“That is too many people and it wouldn’t be comfortable to have so many children there.”- 0Jinxy
“NTA.”
“What I don’t understand is how that was going to work.”
“Especially if she expected you to give up your room to house them.”
“I feel she was crossing a lot of boundaries.”- Not_On_My_Period
“I’m wondering if she was hoping you would offer to stay in a hotel for the duration of their visit?”
“But she won’t ask because she probably knows you would either say no, or ask her to pay for it, which defeats the purpose of her family saving money by staying with you.”- elizabethjanet
“NTA.”
“And honestly between the mom and the sister, they should be able to come together and afford a one bedroom hotel or air bnb since they all want to be in one room anyway.”- Frosty_Ad1317
“So bro and SIL have a hotel that has probably same square footage.”
“Why is no one pestering them?”
“Because they aren’t afraid to say no and can set boundaries?”- wallawalla-bing-bong
“This isn’t tolerable or safe for even one night.”
“If your friend has them come anyway, contact your rental company/landlord and let them know what’s going on.”
“This is a major liability and your friend and her family are AH.”- Investigator_Boring.
One has to wonder how the OP’s roommate would have felt about her decision after a day or two fo ten people sharing their 900 square foot apartment.
However strained their friendship might be now, it’s easy to imagine that the OP’s roommate might be thanking her down the line.