Most of us want to do everything we can to help our family members. But sometimes our loved ones can ask for just a bit too much.
That’s what happened to a woman on Reddit whose sister got angry when she wouldn’t invited her along on her solo vacation.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Difficult_Doctor2793 on the site, wasn’t sure about how she handled the conflict, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister she can’t go with me on vacation?”
She explained:
“Last weekend while at my parents with my siblings, my dad and I were looking at a few locations where I might take a week solo trip. One of my sisters walks in and overheard me mentioning wanting to go to a lake. She then says ‘Oh, how about you and I go to the beach?! I haven’t gone to the ocean in YEARS!'”
“I tell her that maybe one day when her kids are older we can go (she has 7m[ale] and 5m) but until then, this will be a very much needed solo trip. She goes off about how she wished I knew how hard and expensive it was to have kids as a single mom. That she really needed a break and couldn’t afford a week off with just her income and needed help with the kids.”
“I reminded her that not only could I not have kids (medical reasons) but Ive also helped ALL of my siblings at one time or another financially with their children as well as childcare when needed (for free) and if she’s single it’s because of her horrible choice of men (her ex is a douche). She went crying to my mom, so now my mom is taking her side.”
“My dad is taking my side since he knows I work hard for my money and I don’t really don’t splurge on myself. Plus I haven’t been able to take a vacation in almost 2 years.”
OP came back to her post later to add a bit more context.
“Edit to post-I normally would keep my cool and not be bothered by what she said, but the fact that she made it sound like I didn’t have kids by choice really hurt. A little over ten years ago I almost didn’t survive a tubal pregnancy. My ex refuse to take my pain seriously.”
“I drove myself to the ER, had to have emergency surgery and ended up having an ovary removed. I’ve always wanted to me a mom, she’s known this and yet did what she said. But I should have not said what I did and instead should have told her to stop and not bothered with it.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this scenario based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And they were absolutely on OP’s side on this one.
“So she invited herself on your trip so you could subsidize her vacation and provide childcare during your time off?? NTA, obviously.” —Sleepy_Panda1478
“No one forced her to have kids and it’s not your responsibility to make her life easier by ruining your vacation. She wants to go to the beach where YOU can watch her kids while she lays around and gripes about how difficult her life is. All while YOU pay for everything.”
“It’s a giant NO to hijacking your vacation and making you out to be a bad guy because you get to go. She doesn’t get to blame you for her life and change yours to make her feel better. NTA” —babcock27
“NTA. It appears she’s overwhelmed and expects your help. It’s unfortunate that she doesn’t have the capability to go on a vacation but as you said it’s a bed of her own making.” —Jatin1976
“NTA, it’s your money, and your trip. It was her choice to have kids, and they are tiring, that’s just a fact. And the fact you already helped her is nice enough. If she wants a vacation she should save for one. (Tip for future though: saying horrible choice in men is probably not the best way to say it.) Still doesn’t matter though, you’re NTA.” —HopefulAuthor2508
“NTA. Sooo, sis wants a free or very low cost vacation and free childcare on your dime? Absolutely not lol. Not sure why so many people think being family means you have to give away your own time and money when you don’t want to. Whew the entitlement.”
“Your comment back may have been a little uncalled for but I can’t even blame you. You told her you wanted a solo trip to unwind from the beginning. Not a weekend of chasing two kids around while SHE unwinds.”
“Go on your solo vacation and enjoy it, OP! Don’t let your sister and mom get to you. You owe her nothing.” —Skyelyy
“NTA. You help your family often; this time you want a trip by yourself.
OTOH, your sister wants is a babysitter that is better than free — one who actually pays for the privilege of babysitting. She may not have great taste in men, but who wouldn’t want a paying babysitter?
See what I just did there? It’s not necessary to bring up your sister’s poor choices in men — that’s really a side issue. Stay on topic: ‘I know it’s hard, that’s why I’ve helped you multiple times in the past. Right now, I haven’t been on a vacation for 2 years, so I’m taking this trip for me before I have a breakdown. Wish me luck!’
Honestly, lots of people believe whoever’s crying is right — I have former friends like this — whichever friend wasn’t crying was clearly the one in the wrong, while the crier was obviously as innocent as a Disney princess. If you want your mom’s support, consider doing some crying in front of her, instead of always putting pressure on yourself to act like an adult.”
“Sadly, I’m not joking — poor behavior exists in large part because it’s often rewarded. So you cry, too, if there are times when you want to. And do it in front of your mother, who thinks everything’s just peachy in your life, so you obviously need to sacrifice more for your poor sister.
Hope you enjoy your trip!” —ggcc789
Hopefully OP and her sister can find a way past this.