Redditor Ok_Repeat_3939 is in a fortunate financial situation that allows her extra cash flow each month.
Her parents are retirees on a fixed income, and she uses some of her extra cash to support them each month.
Recently the Original Poster (OP) learned how they spent the money she gave them and had to put her foot down.
Worried about her parents welfare, the OP sought out subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for telling my parents that if they give my brother money I will stop giving them money.”
She went on to explain.
“My [female age 32] brother [age 35] is trash. He has multiple baby momma’s and is a deadbeat. He also is the apple of my mom’s eye. He can do no wrong and is just misunderstood.”
“My parents are retired and on a fixed budget. I do well for myself and I help them out. I give them maybe $500 a month to help with groceries and bills.”
“Every once in a while I will give them extra for an unexpected expense. No questions asked.”
“My mom asked me for $2,000. I sent it to her. Strangely enough I ran into my brother at a family wedding I had been told he could not afford to attend because it was a destination wedding. Weird.”
“Funny story he actually missed the wedding because he hooked up with some rando on an excursion and went to their resort. It was our cousin’s wedding and my aunt was pissed.”
“She had to make special arrangements to get him included on the trip since he only got the money last minute.”
“She said my mom shouldn’t have given him the money if he wasn’t even going to show up.”
“Then she shut up after she saw the look on my face.”
“I enjoyed the wedding and had a great time. When I got home I went to see my parents. I asked my mom why she had asked for the $2,000. She lied and said something for the house.”
“I asked what. She couldn’t say. I told her what my aunt said.”
“I told her and my father that from now on I wanted receipts for any money I gave them.”
“I said I have no problem helping them but I will be d*mned if I work my a** off for her to give my money to my piece of sh*t brother.”
“She started crying and my dad said that they weren’t children and didn’t answer me. I agreed and walked out.”
“I didn’t talk to them for two months. My aunt called me yesterday and told me that my parents were thinking of going to the food bank since they didn’t have any money.”
“I said I had given them $2,000 a couple of months ago, and that was more than my family of three spent on food on that time.”
“She said I knew d*mn well they had given my money to my brother. I told her that he should probably pay them back then. She said I was being a b*tch.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“OP you’re NTA, your parents are. They’ve created this monster, and now you’re supporting him. They’re using you as a cash cow.”
“Yes it’s true they don’t answer to you, but if you’re footing the bill, then they d*mn well better tell you where the money is going.”
“And your aunt calling you a b* is funny. If she cares so much about your parents, she should be footing the bill. Which I highly doubt bc people are always one to talk but never to sign the check.”
“Stand your ground and let them suffer a little so they understand. They won’t die over eating some food from the food bank for once” – Ok_Will_6310
“NTA”
“If your Mom truly believed she had done no wrong, why did she repeatedly lie to you? She doesn’t even have the conviction of purpose to justify her actions.”
“She chose to steal from you to support your brother. She can live with that choice and the loss of income from it.”
“And if your Aunt is so passionate about your parents’ plight, she just hosted a destination wedding for her kids. She can surely support her sister in her hour of need, right?”
“It’s what family would do.” – Encartrus
“NTA, even parents need tough love.”
“You are generous above and beyond. If they need groceries, (if they are willing to talk to you), they can place an order that you can (if you want to anymore) pay for.”
“This way, the money goes exactly where you want it to.” – demon803
“Its easy for your aunt to call you names and throw you under the bus for not helping your parents out…”
“…but I don’t see her stepping up and forking over cash to your parents that ‘she knows d*mn well they will give to your brother’ either.”
“NTA” – zeeelfprince
“NTA. They’re on a fixed income, and instead of using an additional supplement wisely, they wasted it on your brother.”
“If all it took was two months of no financial support to need a food bank, they should have been more diligent with what they were receiving.”
“Your aunt can call you all the names in the book, but her anger is misdirected. She should be mad at her sibling for wasting the support they received.”
“Your parents don’t answer to you, and you’re not responsible for providing a gravy train.” – baobab77
“NTA. Money is fungible. Even if the money you give them isn’t directly spent on your brother, it still subsidizes him.”
“Every $100 of groceries you give them or they buy with your money just frees up $100 of their money to spend on your brother.”
“They don’t even feel guilty about this as in their eyes you’re the bad daughter for not supporting family, and it sounds like nothing you do will ever be enough.”
“If anything, your involvement helps them ignore your brother’s failings as you pay for the consequences…”
“…maybe a couple of years of no support/contact from you might force them to reconsider how they’ve treated you both.” – No-Table2410
“NTA Your parents are right, they aren’t children. They lied to you to get money and then expected more.”
“I’m sorry to say this, but it doesn’t seem like your parents respect you or care for you outside of being a wallet for them.”
“If your parents are on a fixed income, then they need to live within their means.”
“Don’t give them more money unless you feel it’s absolutely necessary, like if you want to help with medical bills.” – TheQueenOfDisco
“Honestly, what a painful situation. It’s emotional terrorism, almost. Why is your aunt getting in the middle of this when she can give them money?”
“No, they’re not children, but if they’re going to be the recipient of goodwill money, they definitely owe you some accountability.”
“And they’re going to a good bank but giving $2k in gifted funds to your bro for a vacation?”
“If you feel these heartstrings pulling you to feel guilt-ridden, buy them groceries. But that still may not help because then it’ll free up some of their money to give to bro.”
“Have you ever thought to confront your bro about the fact that his loserdom is causing his parents to be at a good bank? Would he even care?”
“NTA, and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.” – Spare-Article-396
“‘I asked my mom why she had asked for the $2,000. She lied and said something about the house. I asked what. She couldn’t say.’”
“This is the part that really gets me. While it is common (expected even) for people to misuse gift money. Your mom should have been honest with you.”
“Your brother should have to come to you for the money. They knew you would tell him ‘no’ and devised for mom to ask…”
“…or possibly, mom contrived the whole thing herself, and brother didn’t know it was your money…”
“…(either way, how strange that someone, presumably mom, bragged to your aunt about funding brother’s trip. I bet mom and auntie aren’t too happy with each other right now.)”
“NTA obviously. That said, it was very gracious of you to supplement your parents’ retirement and I hope you forgive them and move on, continuing to be the generous person you are.” – Polar777Bear
“NTA. Your dysfunctional parents who can’t even manage their own situation propping up your incompetent brother…”
“…is just a messy stew of toxicity, and they want you to bring a spoon to this nasty feast? Oh no.”
“That your parents regularly extort money from you because they can’t control their own behavior and then balk at you with this ‘we’re not children’ business…”
“…when you ask to see where the money goes, it means pocketbook is now closed. Let them figure it out. ‘They aren’t children,’ but they expect an allowance.” – -JTO
This is a tough situation.
Best of luck sticking to your guns, OP.