Vacationing with close friends is never guaranteed to be as fun as it might seem.
In spite of the close knit bond you might share with them, no two people share the same idea of vacationing, which could lead to some problems when it comes to planning an itinerary
Such was the case with Redditor CucumberSalad677, who was less than thrilled when her best friend expressed interest in joining her on an upcoming trip she had been planning for herself.
But worried about how she handled the situation after her friend stopped speaking to her, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole”, (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting to take my best friend on my New York trip because she’s got Hashimoto’s?”
The OP first revealed that after years of saving and planning, she was finally able to make one of her lifelong dreams a reality.
“So my (30 f[emale]) dream for pretty much my whole life has been to go see New York.”
“Travel is a major luxury for me and I’ve saved up to go on this trip for the past 2 years.”
The OP’s best friend was so excited by this trip, that she asked if she could tag along, an idea which the OP was less than thrilled with.
“Recently my best friend (31f) started saying that she really wants to join me.”
“And I would love to go on a friends trip with her, the only problem is that she’s got Hashimoto’s and is right at the beginning of her therapy.”
“She gets tired very easily and can’t walk for extended amounts of time.”
“She needs to take a nap every 3-4 hours due to how tired she gets.”
“And I want to support her in every single way I can and be as kind and supportive as possible since she’s going through a terrible time.”
“But somehow when she told me she wants to join, I wasn’t happy or excited at all.”
“I’ve been planning this trip for ages and its packed with a lot of walking, activities and things I want to go see.”
“And I just know she won’t be able to keep up with it and we’ll have to go back to the hotel every few hours so she can rest for a while.”
“And I feel terrible saying this – but it would just really cut down on the actual time I have to go explore the city.”
“Of course you can take the subway or an Uber for longer distances, but I feel like part of experiencing a city does include quite a bit of walking.”
“And taking an uber everywhere just doesn’t fit in my budget.”
“But I also don’t want to just leave her at the hotel for a nap once she gets tired because I would feel really bad about just leaving her.”
The OP made the decision to tell her friend the truth, hoping she would understand, but found herself disappointed by her friend’s reaction.
“I tried telling her in the nicest way possible that I was actually planning this as a solo vacation and that I think it’s maybe gonna a little stressful and maybe we should rather plan a trip once she’s feeling better.”
“She got really mad at me.”
“She said it’s hard enough for her already and that she doesn’t need me telling her that she’s ‘too sick’ to go on vacation.”
“I told her that I’m in no way trying to say that she’s too sick for anything, but that for the past few months she’s told me herself that even after going out for dinner she really needs to go lay down.”
“And that maybe it would be a better idea for us to go see New York together once she feels a bit better.”
“She blocked me on everything.”
“Her boyfriend reached out to me and told me that it was really not okay for me to tell her that I don’t want her to tag along because ‘she’s too sick’.”
“It feels terrible that she’s angry and upset, but I know I won’t really be able to have the holiday I’ve imagined for the past few years when I take her with me right now.”
“Some mutual friends have reached out to me, and it’s a pretty even split, some say I’m being a huge d*ck, some say they fully understand my point.”
“So Reddit.. AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
A number of people felt that regardless of her illness, it was presumptuous of the OP’s friend to invite herself on the OP’s trip without being formally invited.
“I think she is a dick for inviting herself on your holiday.”
“NTA, I would feel like an absolute tool insisting I go tag along to my friends dream vacation under the best of circumstances, but knowing full well my illness would have to be accommodated and change the entire itinerary and feel of the trip is insane to me.”
“Why would she even put you in that position?”-Unlikely_Cap_7168.
“She invited herself on a solo trip you’ve been planning for ages.”
“It must be hard for her with a new illness to contend with but it’s not realistic that she will be able to do the stuff you’re planning.”
“If you had planned this trip with her and then backed out, my judgement might be different but you planned this as a solo trip anyway so it was kind of rude if her to invite herself on it.”
“Hopefully you’ll work it out and get the friendship back on track.”
“Go enjoy your solo trip to NYC.”-MissKrys2020.
“NTA she invited herself and you were very kindly honest with her.”
“If she went and you just made her go back to the hotel everyday by herself and you continued exploring on your own then people would be calling you a jerk for that.”
“Unfortunately damned if you do damned if you don’t situation.”- HPNerd44.
While just about everyone agreed that the OP was perfectly in the right to say she wanted this trip to be a solo vacation, and thought it was very generous of her to offer to travel with her friend when she’s feeling better.
“It’s your trip, go.”
“You didn’t plan this trip in order to hurt her.”
“She’s overreacting to your lack of enthusiasm about her coming along.”
“If she has to lie down after dinner, she’s not going to make it on a Big Apple walking tour.”
“You’re her friend and she should be your friend, too.”
“She should wish you a safe and happy journey and let you go with her blessings.”
“Plan something special with her after you get back–that is, if she still wants to be friends.”-frankieandjonnie.
“NTA I mean, I get that she’s upset that she’s having to make adjustments and she can’t just do whatever she wants.”
“And she shouldn’t take that out on you- and I personally think your solution of a second trip in the future is a great solution.”
“But the reality is that NYC is a lot of walking.”
“I’ve done NYC with people who weren’t walkers and it was rough- on both them and the rest of the group.”
“Trying to figure out how far they can walk.”
“What mode of transportation you can use to go from point A to point B.”
“A trip to NYC isn’t the same as sitting on a beach in Miami.”
“This isn’t about her being sick.”
“This is about- whether she was sick or not- could she keep up on your dream trip.”
“And it’s okay if the answer is no.”
“I hope you have a blast on your trip.”
“And that your friend calms down, realizes that she’s really just mad that she’s sick, and starts planning a future trip for the two of you for when she’s feeling up to some trekking- whether it’s to NYC or someplace else entirely.”-rak1882.
A few even shared their own, similar experiences of close friends spoiling planned vacations, urging the OP not to allow the same thing to happen to her.
“NTA.. i trained for a bike trip 2 years ago.. a 100 mile trip.”
“My friend invited herself, then invited her husband.”
“The trip was a disaster because neither had the self awareness to realize they couldn’t just do it cold ( she lives in another state, and I assumed she either knew she could do it, or was training herself).”
“The crappy thing is I am 58, and honestly in the best shape of the last 30 years that summer, and also not working because of the pandemic.”
“Now I am back at work, and not sure that it is EVER going to happen again because of my age, and work.”
“My advice… don’t let someone hijack your trip.”- dell828.
It’s hard not to sympathize with the OP’s friend, being in a condition which so badly limits her daily activities.
But one can’t help but feel it was rather unreasonably for the OP’s friend to get as angry as she did, particularly as the OP didn’t even invite her to begin with.
Here’s hoping that their friendship can recover from this unfortunate rift, and that the OP will be able to enjoy the vacation she’s been dreaming of all her life.