Facing the prospect of a highly-invasive surgery can be daunting, particularly if you’ll require help from friends or family while you’re recovering.
Add a global pandemic into the mix and things get even trickier.
But if another family member decides to schedule an elective surgery around the same time as yours, is it better to reschedule to keep the peace, or put your foot down?
Redditor hisloyalconcubine recently found herself in this very predicament, so she turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if she was in the wrong for her stubbornness.
“AITA for not rescheduling my surgery for a third time?”
The original poster (OP) explained the underlying health issues that caused her to seek surgery.
“So a little TMI backstory: I (F[emale] 29) need to have a hysterectomy due to uncontrollable issues stemming from having my cervix removed due to pre-cancer cells all over it.”
“I’ve been living with a near-constant period for two years, and my doctor is the one who asked me if I wanted to have the surgery.”
“He gave me a couple months to think about it, and I finally decided to bite the bullet since my issues are causing daily problems, including having to miss work because I need to be in the bathroom when I really flair up and can’t even go an hour without soaking through an overnight pad and I rely on the bus to get to work which takes an hour and a half.”
“I have tried different birth controls trying to stop my period, but because I don’t have a cervix it is just impossible to stop bleeding so much.”
But scheduling a time for her surgery proved to be quite difficult.
“The first time it was rescheduled was in December and the hospital shut down for everyone but emergency patients due to [the pandemic] getting really bad in my area. Understandable.”
“The second time was when my parents, who would be babysitting while I’m in the hospital, told me they were uncomfortable with me getting it (early February) due to [the pandemic] and not wanting me to bring it back to them when I get out.”
Her stepsister’s upcoming cosmetic surgery only added another wrench into the works.
“Here’s the issue: my stepsister Melissa (30) is getting practically her whole body plastic-surgeried less than a month after my surgery is scheduled.”
“She scheduled hers after we found out when my surgery would be and expects her mom to take care of her fully (like a baby pretty much with how much work she’s getting done at once).”
“My stepmom fully agreed to it knowing it was less than a month from my surgery and knowing she would have to take care of my daughter and me for a week.”
The OP’s stepmom decided her daughter’s plastic surgery took precedence, which didn’t sit well with the OP.
“Today my stepmom told me she wants me to reschedule again so she can devote her time and energy into preparing for taking care of her daughter. I told her I can’t reschedule anymore because I’m about to lose my job with how much time I’ve had to take off of work due to my issues.”
“I also said if she feels that way, could I at least ask her to watch my daughter when I’m in the hospital and then I’ll figure something out when I get out.”
“She got very offended and said I was being rude and inconsiderate of Melissa because ‘I just want to stop having my period’ which made me upset because we talked through everything for hours when I was originally told the last options were to either live with it or get my surgery.”
“Now my stepmom refuses to talk to me, my dad won’t ‘get in the middle of this’ and I’m left feeling like TA because I refuse to reschedule a surgery that I consider very needed.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They assured the OP she was NTA—but her parents weren’t quite so lucky.
“NTA. Your surgery is medically needed and you already delayed once for your parents.”
“But your dad is a special form of AH since you are his kid and he is pushing the work of helping you on to your stepmother. She’s a bit of an AH for asking you to delay needed surgery twice.”—PurpleGoatInATutu