Maintaining a good relationship with one’s roommate can be a very difficult path.
Sometimes, even the slightest thing, like forgetting to clean up after yourself, or taking a little too long in the bathroom can lead to lingering tension.
Redditor meiyoOCE found herself getting on the nerves of her roommate in their shared house, but wasn’t afraid to tell him to his face that she thought he was being unreasonable.
But fearing she may not have handled the situation as well as she could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not being completely quiet after 10pm?”
The OP shared how when she first moved in with her current roommate, the agreed upon conditions of the living arrangement seemed more than manageable.
“I (21 F[emale]) moved into a new share house 5 weeks ago.”
“One of my new housemates ‘X’ (28 M[ale]) asked me to keep it down after 10pm since he wakes up early for work.”
“In the first week, he reminded me a few times to be quiet since I was playing (specifically online) games with friends.”
“In order to remedy that, I’ve stopped playing after 10pm and just gotten on a discord call with my boyfriend.”
However, the OP eventually discovered that the agreement did put some serious limitations on her social life.
“The problem is that I get home at 7pm, after cooking, showing/washing my hair that gives me about an hour to play games, which means I’m lucky to get 2 games in.”
“My boyfriend himself doesn’t finish work until 11:30pm every day and my friends don’t get home until 10:30-11pm.”
“It’s been about 4 weeks since I’ve played with my friends and 2 weeks since I’ve played with my boyfriend.
While the OP still felt that she was being careful enough, one recent episode ended up putting a serious strain on her relationship with her roommate.
“Last night I walked past his room at 10:45 and he still had his light on so I played 2 games with my boyfriend since he had the day off and was home.”
“This morning, X went off at me saying that I’m inconsiderate and I have no respect for him because I’m being too loud.”
“I explained that I’ve already sacrificed my friendships and my hobbies, and I’m not willing to not talk to my boyfriend on call, especially when I’m trying to be as quiet as possible.”
“I will admit that I did get slightly angrily and tell him that he’s not my parent and he cannot impose a curfew on me with ‘consequences’ if I don’t follow (his words).”
“Important info I don’t know how to fit in:”
“He wakes up at 7am, I wake up for work at 7:10am.”
“We share a wall.”
“I’m never up later than 2am.”
“We pay the same rent.”
“It wasn’t discussed beforehand, any more than ‘oh yeah we play games too’, or I wouldn’t have moved in here.”
“Friends and I have conflicting schedules so the only time we can hang out is online at night.”
“Boyfriend starts work before I finish and finishes at 11:30 everyday.”
“Once again, I’ve stopped playing games after 10pm and ONLY speak to my boyfriend in below average volume.”
“Yes I use headphones, no I can’t move to another part of the house.”
“I understand where he’s coming from but at the same time I’m not going take being called names after sacrificing my hobbies, my friendships and my feelings.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was generally in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for standing up for herself to her roommate.
Many believed the OP’s roommate was being overly sensitive, and the OP was doing nothing wrong by engaging with her friends and calling her boyfriend.
“Unless it’s in the lease agreement that you’re not allowed to make noise after 10pm, the offended roommate can buy ear plugs.”
“You’re living in a share house.”
“From your comments, you are at normal speaking volume.”
“It sounds like the offended roommate is just a very, very light sleeper but isn’t making any effort to compromise here.”
“I get this from personal experience.”
“My oldest son lives with us and loves online gaming with his friends from college.”
“His friends are a couple time zones behind us so he’s typically up until midnight and 1am.”
“He starts work at 8am (work from home).”
“He’s usually at a normal speaking volume.”
“Sometimes on weekends, he gets loud and yet, we have no problem sleeping with our room right next to his.”
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your friendships or boyfriend just because a roommate can’t figure out how to protect himself against a normal speaking voice.”- virtualchoirboy.
“NTA Sorry its a share house, not 1 person dictates what everyone else does.”
“You can’t expect everyone to go radio silent after 10pm. there needs to be some compromise on both ends.”- another_complainer.
“NTA they complain your KEYBOARD is too loud??”
“And you are trying to be quiet.”
“I don’t know what the rest of these people are on but that isn’t on you.”
“They can get earplugs.”
“You’ve been trying to be as quiet as possible, and you’re being restricted to do nothing after 10 pm?”-Fun_Entertainer_31.
“NTA, if you’re that hyper sensitive to sound and wake up early for work (7am isn’t even that early imo) then buy ear plugs or don’t live in a bloody house share, you can’t expect everyone to cater to you because you refuse to buy earplugs or sound proof your room.”
“If OP was taking the piss and blasting music or having a party I’d understand but she’s literally just talking, she should be able to speak after 10pm in a room she is paying rent for.”-Alternative-Pea-4434.
“You literally pay just as much rent as he does and as long as you’re not having a nightly ho down he just has to suck it up as we’ve all done in less than harmonious rooming situations.”
“It’s unreasonable for him to demand that you can’t even talk to your boyfriend after 10?”
“In your own room?”
“You’re a grown woman.”
“I honestly would not continue to enable his controlling behavior any longer unless you’re prepared to live like a child for the term of your lease.”
“Tell him to take his curfew and shove it.”
“You live there.”-adarkmagnolia.
“NTA this is very weird I’m wondering if he has some sort of sleeping disorder.”
“Games are not loud if you use headphones and don’t yell.”
“Normal talking should not wake a sleeping person in a different room.”
“Only suggestion I can make for YOU would be to put your computer or tv on the not shared wall, and get one of those plush log things people put behind their door to cover the gap between floor and door.”
“Tell him that’s the best you can do.”-Azzulah.
“NTA… you need to leave as soon as possible, your roommates are nasty.”
“People telling to compromise are out of their minds.”
“You’re too old for a bedtime.”
“You pay rent.”
“It wasn’t in your lease.”
“The slumlord needs to control his tenant.”- Early_Equivalent_549.
“Just keep it down.”
“I know gamers can get loud when excited.”
“Think about rearranging your room to be further away from the shared wall.”
“He needs to deal with his sleeping problem or not live with roommates.”-funkyblackshoes.
“NTA, as long as you aren’t screaming into the mic, he needs to chill TF out, or get headphones.”
“Spoiler alert – if you live in shared housing, you have to deal with roommates.”
“General etiquette would suggest that you keep it quiet after 11 to allow him (and yourself) a good nights sleep.”-briareus08.
“Part of being roommates is that you have to learn to deal with others and learn how to compromise.”
“It seems to me that you’ve been putting in the effort.”
“Now it’s time for X to do the same.”
“He has to learn that he’s not in charge of a shared household and that things aren’t always gonna go his way.”- PhoenixEcho1.
Others didn’t really feel either the OP or her roommate were the a**hole in this particular situation, acknowledging that readers don’t know just how loud the OP was being, and her roommate shouldn’t be faulted for being sensitive to noise.
“NAH – I’m only saying this because none of us know how loud you’re actually being.”
“‘Quiet hour’ isn’t ‘silent hour’.”
“If you’re playing games with headphones, speaking quietly, not having outbursts then you’re well within your rights in your own home and your housemate needs to get some earplugs or something.”
“If you’re prone to laughing or occasional louder reactions, then he’s got a point.”- Aestro17.
“NAH Internal walls don’t really stop sound so it is 100% louder then you think.”
“Try putting up a cloth wall tapestry as that will help cut down on some of the sound.”
“Then see if they roommate can use a white noise generator/fan to cover up some of the sound since it would be silent.”-TheDoNothings.
This seems like a situation which can be solved fairly easily over a civil conversation.
Here’s hoping that the OP and her roommate are able to do so, and might return to a more harmonious living situation than the one they are currently in.