in , ,

Woman Livid When Husband Refuses To Take Sides After Her Screaming Match With His Alcoholic Mother

Photo by Noah Buscher/Unsplash

There is just no easy way to fight with family.

Especially when the drama has been long and buried for awhile.

But sometimes, the truth just has to be told, no matter how bad the timing.

Case in point…

Redditor UCantCMyUserHistory wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA For Spending The Night Away From Home Following An Argument Between My Wife and Mom?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Firstly, my (30) mom (58) suffers from alcoholism and can become nasty when she drinks too much.”

“So earlier this week we were at my mom’s house for dinner. “

“Me, my wife (30), Mom, step-father (62), brother (32) and S[ister] I[n] L[aw] (31) were all there.”

“Mom has had ups and downs with my wife and SIL over the years.”

“My mom had a bit too much to drink and began getting nasty.”

“Calling my step-father an idiot, telling him he can’t do anything right.”

“We are all used to this behavior and have in the past tried to support my step-father when things like this happen, though he has asked us over the years to leave it be in the moment.”

“My wife has a hard time with this because she has experienced this with her own mother.”

“She mainly keeps her complaints away from my mom, between us kids and my step-father, but the other night became too much for her.”

“She snapped at my mom, saying ‘maybe if you didn’t always have a glass of wine in your hand, you could do things better yourself.’”

“I quickly hushed her but it was too late.”

“My mom said, ‘I didn’t hear you complain when you were gifted the down payment for your house. When your kitchen was renovated. Maybe if you weren’t an insufferable little b*tch, you could provide those things for yourself.’”

“I yelled at my mom, telling her to never speak to my wife that way again, and to apologize.”

“Before I could get any further, my wife got in my mom’s face and started yelling, calling her an alcoholic b*tch.”

“My wife said, ‘You think I’m the b*tch? Everyone here hates being around you, and I’m insufferable?'”

“I tried to pull my wife away, but she yanked her hand away from me.”

“Then she called my mom a c*nt.”

“At this point my step-father stepped in to pull my mom back and I grabbed my wife.”

“My brother began yelling at my wife, saying ‘don’t you dare speak to my mother that way,’ and my SIL chimed in defending my wife.”

“Saying our mom has been awful for years and deserved it, so she and my brother started arguing.”

“While my mom was arguing with my step-father and my brother was fighting with my SIL, my wife and I left.”

“In the car I was silent, angry and confused.”

“My wife started getting mad at me, asking how I could be mad at her.”

“I told her she should not have got in my mom’s face because she knows how my mom gets.”

“When we got home, my wife kept going on about how unfair it was for me to be angry with her.”

“I told her I needed to think for a bit, and she got even angrier, saying ‘what is there to think about?’”

“I told her that I was disappointed in both of them and that I needed space to think.”

“So I left and went for a walk for like 3 hours, and then slept at a friend’s house.”

“When I got home the next day my wife was gone.”

“She left a note saying she is staying with a friend indefinitely because I left her alone during a critical time.”

“Now she hasn’t talked to me in days.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“YTA. Here’s an idea, why don’t you stop asking your wife, who has personal trauma around this kind of emotional violence, to spend time with your abusive mother?”

“You know, try to prioritize the safety of the people you love who have done nothing wrong instead of the comfort of an abuser?”

“I’m sure this is a novel idea to you.”

“But it’s pretty clear to me your wife has been begging for it for years and has finally hit her limit.”  ~ Temporary_Badger

“This! It sounds like the wife had enough and let the mom know her behavior is out of line.”

“OP, YTA.”  ~ Madame_Corleone420

“OP, brother and stepdad are stuck in a loop of reinforcing each other’s enabling impulses and drawing reassurance from each other that it’s fine and normal to coddle mom’s alcoholism and cruelty.”

“Wife and SIL see the situation for what it is and have had enough.”

“Both brother and OP have no idea how close they both are to doing irreparable damage to their marriages by continuing to prioritize mom’s comfort over their wives’.”  ~ DiTrastevere

“Whichever wife takes the leap first, the other will be right after.”

“It only takes a glint of sunlight through an open door for the possibility of freedom to suddenly be too tempting to resist.”

“This has been boiling away for ages and now the genie is out of the bottle.”

“The worms are out of the can, the toothpaste is out of the tube and clearly the pinot is in the mother.”

“OP,YTA. You’re the A. And your brother is an A.”

“Because you’ve both sat by and let your mother behave in the most awful ways imaginable to your spouses.”

“And you step dad is an A too, for enabling this nonsense.”

“I bow to your wife with regards to what your mum is.”

“She knows how my mom gets.”

“Yes, and so do you. And how she gets is sh**ty!”

“Your wife has been through this once already, and you think it’s fine to let her go through it again with your mum? Why?”

“Your mother sounds like a truly toxic, nasty person.”

“If you want to keep her in your life, know she is a tumor.”

“Whatever you have in your life that is healthy, she will consume it and kill it.”

“Your marriage and the marriage of your brother are already looking mighty unwell, and if you want to keep the good, you really need to cut away the bad.”

“She is malignant.”

“She will eat away at you and one day she will be all you have left.”

“You will sit at a table with your brother and your step dad.”

“All under one roof. All pale, sallow skinned, weak and joyless.”

“And she will sit with you, hail, hearty and healthy, glowing with the life she has sucked from each of you.”

“Happy that her boys are home and that she will never go hungry again.”

“Now, which one of you will scrape the sores from her legs, while someone goes and opens another box of wine?”

“You f**ked up and made a poor, poor choice.”  ~ droppedelbow

“Whole family of enablers.”

“They all think they are helping when in fact they are only making it worse and destroying their own lives in the process.”

“My ex B[rother] I[n] L[aw] is an addict.”

“Alcohol, drugs, gambling etc.”

“Everyone ignores his problem.

“He’s had multiple DUIs, gotten arrested for possession, a couple accidents, fights all the time.”

“Still, his parents and brother defended him.”

“He even sexually harassed me in front of my ex, who did and said nothing.”

“He’s in jail now.”

“Assaulting a police officer during a possession arrest.”

“All that enabling didn’t help.”

“My ex and his family always defended his actions with ‘that’s just how he is.'”

“YTA OP. Your wife is the victim.”

“It’s ok to be upset on how everything happened. It was a terrible situation.”

“But you put her in said situation.”

“Your mother will ruin not only her life, but yours as well if you let her.”

“Letting her behavior slide and expecting your wife to just take it, not ok.”

“You all need counseling. I sincerely hope you get it.”

“If not your your marriage, for yourself.”

“This will haunt you until you put an end to the cycle.”  ~ momofthree22

“The only thing I would add is that when you become an adult you need to realize that there are some people who can stay in your heart but not in your life…”

“OP has an obligation as a husband to have his wife’s back above anyone else.”

“Family grows apart and fades away, friends change, children grow and leave the nest.”

“Then it’s you and her… and if that relationship has been neglected because of those people (yes even your children) .”

“Then you will have little more than two strangers or at best casual friends who lived a life resenting each other and no longer know how to be one with each other anymore.” ~ the_medicine_show

“YTA – I hate when people say you shouldn’t call out someone’s bad behavior because ‘that is just the way they are.'”

“Leaving and staying with a friend shows immaturity on your end.”

“Not only do you force your wife around your terrible mother, you take your mom’s side, and then run away.”  ~ Queen_Aurelia

Well it sounds like OP was given a lot to think about from Reddit.

Juggling family from many angles is hard.

And so is dealing with an alcoholic parent.

Sad situation.

Good luck to all.