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Dad-To-Be Upset After Sister Plans To Skip Gender Reveal To Go Bar Hopping For Friend’s Birthday

Woman cutting into blue cake with blue and pink icing at a gender reveal party.
AzmanJaka/Getty Images

Try as we might, it’s simply not possible to make it to everything we’re invited to.

Though there are certain events that we make a point of being at and clear our schedules far in advance to make sure we’ll have no pre-existing conflicts.

These include weddings, bar and bat mitzvahs, graduations, as well as milestone birthdays and anniversaries.

Other events might not seem quite as important to us, though the person throwing it might think otherwise upon learning of your decline.

The brother of Redditor Comfortable-Bison419 informed her of a very important family gathering he was planning.

Unfortunately, the date it was being held was a date the original poster (OP) couldn’t make.

Upon hearing this news, however, the OP’s brother was anything but understanding.

Wondering if she was making the right decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for missing my brothers gender reveal?”

The OP explained why she wasn’t able to make her brother’s gender reveal party and why his brother didn’t think she had a valid excuse.

“I don’t think I’m an AH, but would like some input.”

“I (31 F[emale]) have a brother (23 M[ale]) who is going to have his first baby.”

“My family, meaning my mom, dad, sisters, my husband, and myself, are all happy for him.”

“We met up at my mom’s house early September for Dad’s birthday, and he and his girlfriend were mentioning the upcoming gender reveal in October.”

“I told him a specific date in October that I already had an event to go to.”

“A friend of mine is celebrating her birthday by bar hopping downtown in a party bus.”

“We are all going to share the cost since it was quite expensive.”

“He assured me that it was going to be on a Sunday.”

“Time skip to yesterday he sent off the invitation to the gender reveal via our entire family’s WhatsApp group chat, and it was the exact day of the party.”

“I responded by asking why it was on Saturday and that I had a previous commitment that I had RSVP to.”

“His response was, ‘I guess a party bus is more important than a gender reveal’.”

“I reminded him that we had already talked about it.”

“My aunt chimed in, reminding us that it was her and another cousin’s birthday.”

“He said that he will not change the date because some of his girlfriend’s relatives are coming from other states.”

“Will I be the AH if I miss his gender reveal?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for choosing to go to her friend’s birthday party over her brother’s gender reveal party.

Everyone agreed that the OP’s brother had no right to be as angry as he was, as the OP gave him ample advance notice regarding which dates she wouldn’t be available, with many even expressing how gender reveal parties are never a priority no matter the situation.


“You had plans.”

“You told him you were busy on a specific date.”

“It doesn’t matter what the plans are – you already made them before he planned this.”

“It’s an invitation, not a summons.”

“You aren’t required to go.”- spoiledrichwhitegirl


“A party bus IS more important than a gender reveal!”- Grand-Click-6387


“He picked the one date when you said you weren’t available.”

“He’s the AH for not taking that into account.”

“As for his comment about a party bus apparently being more important than a gender reveal, I’d say most things are more important than gender reveals.”

“Unbelievable that people are coming from other states just to see if the cupcakes are pink or blue.”

“Go and have fun with your friend on the party bus.”- RichSignal7022

“Let’s not hide the real truth.”

“Almost every single thing happening anywhere ever is more important than a gender reveal party.”

“Need to floss?”

“More important.”

“Neighbor child wants a piggyback ride?”

“More important.”

“Just feel like taking a dump and reading Reddit?”

“More important.”- nebbors


“Genitalia reveal parties are dumb and f*cking weird.”- Marble_Narwhal


“One, you had plans that they were made aware of in advance.”

“Two, they TA for having a gender reveal in the first place.”

“Why does everyone expect you to have two parties these days?”


“You get one – the baby shower.”

“That’s it.”- mehlol42


“Could we please stop with extravagant gender reveals?”

“We didn’t know the sex of our first baby until his birth.”

“For our daughter, we found out through genetic testing.”

“We video-called both sets of grandparents and held up a onesie.”

“Then whenever anybody asked us what we’re having, we said ‘it’s a girl’.”


“Also, technically, should be called a sex reveal party because gender is a social construct and sex is anatomical.”- Icy_Hovercraft_6379


“I can’t believe we have like a whole industry involving gender reveals.”

“No one gives a damn if you have a boy or a girl.”

“We care that you have a healthy baby and a safe delivery.”

“It’s just a party to me, and parties aren’t mandatory.”- GrimmTrixX


“Gender reveals are the most idiotic of invented events, and if I were invited to one, I’d find a reason not to go.”- CreatorGodTN


“You already had plans, and by the sounds of it, so does your cousin and aunt.”

“You TOLD your brother in advance you already had plans.”

“If that was the only time he’s gfs family could make it, then all he had to do was apologize for the inconvenience and hope you could make it.”

“Instead, he doubled down and started blaming you until your aunt also chimed in.”

“Forgetting is one thing, but he didn’t forget. He called you out for the party.”

“This feels deliberate, and if it wasn’t, he needs to admit and own his mistake.”

“Your only mistake here was telling your brother what your plans were because he’ll be using that to guilt you forever in the same vein as how younger people or people who don’t have kids constantly get asked to give up planned holidays for people with kids, like he already tried to do.”

“His poor and possibly deliberate planning of the party on the one day you had plans and him expecting you to drop everything for his plans instead.”- ConfusionPossible590


“A gender reveal party is not a big milestone event.”- Santos_L_Halper_II

“The party bus is more important than the gender reveal because literally anything is more important than a gender reveal.”- SuperPookypower


“The baby isn’t going to remember that you missed their party.”

“Your friend will (possibly, depending on how much alcohol you’ve consumed…)”- dehydratedrain

“Gender reveals are stupid.”

“NTA.”- xovalentinaox


“Gender reveal parties are stupid, just tell people the gender and quit all the bullsh*t.”-AgreeableHealth7495

“‘I guess a party bus is more important than a gender reveal’.”

“You would be correct, sir.”

“Or just gimme a call later and let me know if the ultrasound showed a d*ck.”

“Or don’t.”

“Because it doesn’t matter one bit.”

“NTA.”- CalendarDad


“What Reddit has shown in that gender reveal parties are usually sh*t shows with collateral damages.”- throwawaySep2023

“Nah man.”

“You know your brother’s gender.”- boothy_qld

“You are NTA. You told your brother the date you were busy in Oct. He assured you his party would be a Sun, not a Sat, then he chose the one day you’re busy.”

“Plus, gender reveal parties are silly, are people supposed to bring presents to that and then again for the baby shower?”

“If so, it’s a gift grab and/or a ‘someone needs attention’ party.”- HorseygirlWH

“My apologies, but when I read….’brothers gender reveal’, I pictured him in a trench coat, flashing guests, ‘I’m a boy!'”

“NTA…. enjoy the bus ride!”- Certain-Secret-7926

“I think it’s acceptable to miss a gender reveal for no reason at all.”- mostlydefeated


“He changed the date in you.”

“And anyone who throws a gender reveal is an AH.”- sleepingbuddha77


“Gender reveals are stupid, and you had plans before he even picked the date, but it’s clear from his reaction that he’s going to be pissed at you.”

‘So maybe you can do a compromise where someone FaceTimes you in when they’re doing the reveal so you can ‘be there.’”- Extension-Cicada4011

One imagines if this had been the christening or first birthday of the OP’s impending nibling, she might have changed her plans.

Or even if her sister-in-law went into labor while she was at the party, she likely would have fled to wait in the hospital.

However, the OP’s brother not only planned a notoriously polarizing, often dangerous, type of party on a day he knew his sister had other plans but also expected her to change them seems unreasonable, to say the least.

It’s also hard to argue that the birthday party of a friend you’ve had for years isn’t indeed more important than a party revealing the gender of someone who has yet to arrive on this Earth…

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.