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Woman Balks After Spouse Tells Her She Doesn’t ‘Need’ To Be At All Of Her Friend’s Chemo Treatments

Olga Kononenko/Unsplash

Cancer sucks. We hate it.

It has claimed too many lives and must be eradicated.

Being sick, especially with cancer is one of the scariest and loneliest experiences a person can go through.

So it’s always comforting to have support and company.

Case in point…

Redditor PrivateTalk7990 wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for telling my wife that she doesn’t need to be with her sick friend at the hospital?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So my wife has a friend from childhood named ‘Anthony.'”

“I’m being completely honest here when I say that he and I don’t get along.”

“It’s not like he is rude or disrespectful (nothing like that) but all I feel towards him is ‘annoyance’ sort of speak because of how much my wife sees him.”

“He lives alone and now suffers from a medical condition (Cancer) that requires him to go to the hospital regularly to receive treatment.”

“I found out that my wife promised him to go with him to his every chemo treatment as support.”

“She said it’s a commitment she made to be there for him during this rough time since he has no one else besides him.”

“Okay… I had no issue with that at first but then this started affecting me.”

“I can’t go see my friends because I have to stay with my son on X day so my wife could be with Anthony for his treatment etc etc.”

“I’ve talked to her about it but she said that Anthony needs company and that she’s just being supportive and this is when he needs her the most.”

“I let it go but last week was just kind of my last straw.”

“Anthony had another chemo session treatment and my wife wanted to go with him and asked me to stay home with our son.”

“I told her I had a meet up with my mom and sister to eat lunch and that I won’t be home.”

“She said she needed to go be with him and I kind of flipped out at her and said that she doesn’t ‘need’ to be with him and could literally go see him at home the next day or something.”

“She threw a fit and called me cruel for forcing her to leave Anthony by himself since she’s all he has and that I was making her look bad.”

“She also said my appointment with mom and sister wasn’t as important as a chemo session but I decided to just leave to end the argument.”

“She ended up staying at home but kept ignoring me when I got back calling me selfish for not letting her be there to support Anthony with what he’s going through.”

“Some of her girlfriends think I’m being a controlling jerk with no consideration for Anthony and what’s he’s going through.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“I don’t understand.”

“Why do you think going to lunch or out with your friends is more important than someone going to chemo?”

“Why can’t you schedule your fun time on a different day than when your wife’s friend has chemo?”

‘Why do you think you are ‘watching’ your son?”

“He’s YOUR son, too.”

“Why can’t you take your son with you to lunch with your mom/his grandmother?”

“YTA and I can’t think of one legitimate answer to these questions that would change that.”  ~ Sapphyrre

“OP makes it sound like his wife just springs these appointments on him last minute, but I really doubt that.”

“Chemo is booked well in advance, and OP is probably well aware of the schedule.”

“Why do these appointments always seem to coincide with OP having plans as well?”

“Either OP always has plans and is consistently leaving his wife with his son.”

“Or he’s making plans deliberately to coincide with these chemo appointments.”

“Ultimately we’re being left in the dark on some important details.”

“And those details likely make OP look even worse than he does already.”

“Just saw in a comment that OP knows about the schedule.”

“So he damn well knows he’s booking conflicting plans.”  ~ SuicidalTurnip

“YTA. Chemotherapy might take several hours.”

“So I understand son can’t accompany wife to hospital.”

“But why can’t you bring him to the lunch?”

“Yes, yes and yes. YTA.”

“The day YOU get cancer I hope you remember you thought lunches should take priority over supporting the sick person.”

“And I hope your wife remembers it too, and goes out for a nice lunch and let you deal with your treatments by yourself.”

“Some guys would be overjoyed that they have a wife that is loyal and caring- but you whine over it.” ~ Willbewithyousoon

“YTA. I hope no one in your family ever gets cancer.”

“Chemo appointments are horrible and your wife will honest to god need emotional support after having to watch her friend deal with chemo.”

“It’s one day a week. You watch the kids.”

“Wife either watches her friend die slowly and painfully or he gets better but is still sick and has long lasting health issues from the chemo.”

“Wife has to witness this as it happens.”

“You have the better end of the deal BY FAR.”  ~ puseyes


“So, the OP is complaining about watching his own damn kids for a few hours once a week?”

“Crap, even 2-3 times a week shouldn’t be a burden at all.”

“I thought this was something like 5-6 days a week (even then, it’s f**king cancer).”

“OP is definitely the AH here, and it reeks of jealousy.”

“Bet this guy wouldn’t give two flying f**ks of Anthony was Andrea.”  ~ pnkflyd99

“When I was doing chemo the one thing that kept me going back was the fact that my family and my ex went with me every time.”

“My sessions were about 5 hours long and getting dacarbazine felt like there was fire literally running through my arm.”

“It was terrible and I don’t think I would have stuck with it as long if they hadn’t been there.”

“I’m super lucky I had such a strong support system. YTA.”  ~PopPop-Captain

“My mom had cancer and chemo is horrible.”

“It saves and destroys you in another way.”

“The way it affects you psychologically and physically is insane, it takes a huge amount of strength to go through that.”

“OP needs the humbling experience of accompanying a cancer patient for a week, just to see how it affects one person.”

“My mom always needed help for chemo and that is UNDERSTANDABLE.”

“Friends and family members helped whenever they could.”

“OP, please stop being a butthurt baby, like really.”  ~ doodlewithcats

“Yeah, was about to say… it’s not just a ‘chemo treatment’ it’s radiation killing off a boatload of cells.”

“A person is in a mental fog, generally disoriented and having someone there to make you a meal (even though your not hungry) is so essential.”

“Hanging with your friend is not important.”

“Going out to lunch is not important.”

“You sound petty for being jealous. YTA.”

“Try to be less selfish during this time, even if it’s brief.”

“Your wife also needs support because this is emotionally draining for her as well.”

“Have your mother and sister come over for lunch.”

“Make everyone food. Stop thinking about yourself.”  ~ God_Sayith

“When my girlfriend was going to chemo with her friend I packed food for her and some entertainment for both and encouraging messages for friend.”

“And greeted her with lunch and an open ear when she came home.”

“I was glad the friend had someone, I know how it is to have chemo alone.”

“Seriously, some people… YTA.”  ~ TheOneMary

“It’s literally so extremely pathetic to be insecure about the friendship of his wife with a male friend who is literally dying and fighting hard to not die.”

“And the wife is the only friend/person that this dying person has right now.”

“As long as it’s not the most clingy incel boundary stomping guy in the world.”

“It’s really cruel to let him be in the hospital alone during such a scary time.”

“Also, most people don’t really feel well after chemo.”

“He might need someone he trusts to look after him after that. YTA.”  ~ lilli_neeh

“Wait, so your wife had the nerve to ask you to parent your own child for a few hours while she helped a friend who is going through one of the most horrific treatments in the world for cancer?”

“So it interfered in your bro time?”

“Your time to hang out with your family at a restaurant?”

“And so you threw a tantrum and then left so she couldn’t help her dying friend?”

“And you wonder if YTA?”

“Of course YTA!!!!!”   ~ Jade-Sun

Well OP, Reddit certainly didn’t hold back.

Maybe you need to d some soul searching.

Cancer is a hard road.

Maybe can try to make the journey a little easier.

Good luck.