Trust is a fragile thing.
It can take years to build up and a single breath to destroy.
What happens though when someone close to you destroys your trust, but still needs your help?
This was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) tsbmx when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
“WIBTA (Would I Be The A**hole) if I stop paying my little sister’s college fees just because she made fun of me in front of her friends?”
She began with a bit of history.
“I (22 Female) met my boyfriend (28 Male) in January 2019 while I was on vacation, we exchanged numbers and kept in touch for months until we decided to meet again.”
“But by then the pandemic ruined our plans and we had to have a long-distance relationship for the past two years.”
“Well, the point is that he was finally able to travel to visit me for my birthday and he stayed with me for two weeks in the apartment that I share with my little sister (19F).”
Then she detailed the origin of the issue.
“And the second night he spent here I asked her if she could go to her friend’s house or something just for that night because well, I wanted some privacy.”
“She agreed and when she came back the next day she asked me a lot of questions.”
Everything seemed fine, at first.
“She knew that I was a virgin, so she was very curious to know what happened and how it was, and I didn’t hesitate to tell her everything because we have (or used to have) an amazing relationship.”
“And she pretended to be happy for me, and even a few days later she told me that she was going to stay at her friend’s place so that I could have some privacy with my boyfriend, so I thought she was being really good for doing that.”
“But she just wanted an excuse to run with her friend to make fun of me, she didn’t want to help me at all.”
“I knew that because her friend’s sister is my friend and she was horrified to hear the things my own sister was saying.”
“She told me how my sister made fun of me for being boring, she thinks that I’m a loser for losing my virginity at this age (she lost hers at 17 I think) and that she is ashamed that I’m so naive to think that my boyfriend doesn’t sleep with other girls in his country.”
“So I got mad because she had no right to tell other people all that when I trusted her so much.”
“I confronted her and asked her if I was such a loser, why does she live in the apartment that I rent and why does she eat the food that I buy, and if I am a loser, why am I paying her college fees?”
“And she just apologized and admitted that what she did was wrong and she told me that she will tell her friend not to say anything to anyone.”
“But I was really furious and I told her she has three weeks to get a new job and get the hell out of my place.”
“I also told her that I will pay two more college fees and then she will have to pay the rest herself.”
“And she panicked because if I don’t pay her college fees and she doesn’t get a job, she won’t be able to pay them, and our parents can’t afford that.”
She was left to wonder.
“But now I think I’m being an a**hole because I want her to get the same education as me, and I guess I can forgive her, so I want to know, WIBTA if I stop paying her college fees and kick her out of my apartment?”
Having explained the problem, OP was left with a difficult choice and sought advice.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided : NTA
Some were very direct.
“NTA, she really bit the hand that feeds here.”~Nuttonbutton
“NTA – your sister’s lack of empathy and gratitude at 19 years of age has me speechless.”~No-Ad5641
Others saw this as a teachable moment.
“Yes, OP you’re NTA.”
“You’re not her parent and you do not ‘owe’ your sister financial support, your apartment, and/or college fees.”
“You’re equals and you were doing it out of the goodness of your heart.”
“However, she broke your trust. Plenty good reason to pull back your support.”
“Is your sister most probably an immature 19 y/o who may change and regret this in the future?”
“I wouldn’t recommend you going NC with her, let her make it up to you.”
“But 19 is also plenty old to realize that actions have consequences.”
“Which she deserves to face whether you forgive her or not- because that’s how the real world works and she needs to be prepared for that.”
“She’s just learning it the hard way now.”~Slas01
“NTA – you are contributing to her education by cutting her off – it may be the most educational experience she’s ever had”~Traveling-Techie
There were even suggestions of a compromise.
“Sis should learn the adult way, and pay for her education herself..”
“If you feel you were excessive, you can propose to her to lend her the money for college, but she has to write an official IOU (or something official anyway).”
“That way she won’t have to pay the interest of a bank.”
“If you could, at 22, pay for your education and your sister’s, she can too.”
“3years is not a large age gap, stop babying her. 19 is an adult in many countries”
“Btw, your body your choice, not everyone want to lose their virginity with the 1st one (mine was at 25), so don’t feel bad because of her”~JustOne_Girl
Trust is a fragile thing.
We tend to take for granted that, because it’s fragile, it’s easily rebuilt.
Be wary of those who take your trust for granted, and be grateful to those who lend you theirs.