We always want to be there for our friends.
Offer them a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on when they’re down.
And if we believe that they might find themselves in a sad or dangerous situation, we would naturally feel the need to warn them.
But it’s also important to be careful not to stick our noses where they don’t belong, as that is when help suddenly turns to meddling.
Redditor HeavyLawfulness3343 found herself in a sticky situation when she overheard one of her friends sharing information regarding her relationship.
As a result, the original poster (OP) felt it was only fair to give her friend’s boyfriend the heads-up he deserved.
Something which did not please the friend the OP overheard one bit.
Wondering if she had crossed a line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my friend that I think his girlfriend is about to leave him?”
The OP shared why she simply couldn’t keep quiet after hearing information regarding the relationship of two of her closest friends she wasn’t meant to hear.
“I (30 F[emale]) am friends with Ruby (30 F) and Tom (31 M[ale]).”
“We met at uni and were part of the same group of friends.”
“They got together in our final year.’
‘After uni, Tom and I started work, Ruby did Masters while working.”
“Her and Tom moved in together.”
“After masters, Ruby landed a very good job and Tom decided to quit his.”
“Apparently, she wasn’t happy but let it go.”
“Ruby and I were best friends but after graduation she became boring.”
“While me and Tom would have a drink or two in their garden, she would study or work and drifted apart.”
“Recently, Ruby has been more distanced.”
“When I come over and Tom and I sit In the garden she doesn’t even join us, she does her own stuff.”
“She barely acknowledges us, but Tom doesn’t see an issue.”
“I tried to tell him but he said it’s fine, at least she doesn’t bother him while gaming anymore.”
“She’s lost a lot of weight lately, she’s gained it because of her thyroid, and has just been focusing on herself.”
“I tried inviting her to have a drink with us but she always refuses, frankly I think she’s taken adulting way too seriously.”
“Last Saturday, I was out with some friends and we’re doing a pub crawl.”
“At one, I noticed Ruby having a drink with her friends. I didn’t know she had any, and she was her old self, laughing, having fun, cracking jokes.”
“She was the life of a party.”
“I didn’t know any of these people and I suspected Tom didn’t either.”
“I texted Tom and he said he’s busy with a game and we’ll talk later.”
“I couldn’t let it go.”
“She went outside with her friend and I followed them.’
“It was crowded so she didn’t notice me and I kind of eavesdropped on them.”
“I was lucky because they’re talking about her plans and it seems that she’s planning on leaving Tom.”
“She’s sick of him not working and ignoring her but being stuck because he doesn’t work.”
“She saved money for herself and saved a few months money for him so when she leaves, he can have money to live off.”
“I couldn’t believe my ears, what a B-tch.”
“She said she’s got her ticket and house sorted but she saw me before saying more.”
“She looked at me with disgust, didn’t even acknowledge me and she switched to another language with her friend.”
“I got a taxi and went straight to Tom’s telling him what I heard.”
“He told me to stop being silly.”
“I told him that he should consider what to do so she stays, and he said she has no reason to leave.”
“We played some games and got a bit drunker.”
“I stayed on their sofa and didn’t know when Ruby came home.”
“I was woken up by Ruby at 2 pm, and she called me an a**hole amongst other names, kicked me out of the house, telling me to never come again.”
“She was pissed because Tom confronted her about leaving.”
“She told me to not meddle and I told her he has a right to know if she’s going to leave and has a chance to make things right.”
“Was I really in her wrong for telling him?”
“I mean, we used to be friends but I don’t think I have any obligation to her but I am not sure.”
“Am I really the a**hole for warning him, I thought he deserved that.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, as did Tom, with just about everyone finding the OP to clearly be the a**hole.
In addition to the feeling that the OP was involving herself in business which did not concern her and finding both her and Tom to be shockingly immature, everyone agreed that Tom’s freeloading ways made it all too understandable why Ruby wanted to leave him.
“YTA for sure.’
‘I had to recheck the ages here.’
‘You are both 30?;
You and Tom act 19.”
“She saved him money to live off of!?”
‘And that makes her a b*tch!’
“This is an incredibly kind thing to do in a breakup like this, especially when Tom is a total leech without a job who clearly is making her miserable.”
“Negative on both counts.”
“Tom has made his bed by being a deadbeat, and she owes him nothing, especially nothing to ‘make things right.'”
“She’s a person, not his slave”- Encartrus
“YTA.”
“All the way.”
“Meddling.”
“She’s too adult?”
“She’s a b*tch for planning to GIVE HIM MONEY to live on once she leaves?”
“He plays video games and gets drunk while she works?”
“I hope she leaves quickly to go live her adult life.”
“And that you and Tom grow up.”
“YTA.”
“Extra.”- KidsWontSleep
“So Tom doesn’t work, spends a lot of money on alcohol, and plays video games all the time, and is apparently relieved his GF doesn’t ‘bother’ him while he’s playing.”
“Gosh he sounds like a real catch.”
“I truly can’t imagine why Ruby would even consider leaving him.”
“Seriously though, are you in love with him or what?”
“You really think she’s the b*tch for not wanting to support a man who does nothing with his life but play video games and drink.”
“And he doesn’t even realize she’s unhappy!”
“Also, how is it she’s boring because she doesn’t want to party all the time?”
“You sound like you’re still 21, and it’s not cute.”
“Yes, YTA and so is Tom.”- crazybicatlady86
“YTA.”
‘You way overstepped your boundaries.”
“And it’s a little hard to believe that a college-educated 30-year-old woman sounds like you.”
“You shouldn’t be ‘adulting’ at this point.”
“That should have crossed over into being an adult long ago.”
“Grow up before your life passes you by.”- LilBitofSunshine99
“OP- grow up.”
“Stay out of other people’s relationships.”
“And guess what?”
“Of course, your friend was super happy.”
“I’d be happy too if someone paid all my bills and did everything while I sat on my ass and wasted my own college degree doing nothing.”
“And he said the only problem they had was her nagging him?”
“Translation, she was telling him point blank the things that made her unhappy and the change she wanted to see in their relationship and he made ZERO effort to accommodate her.”
“Hence the ‘nagging’ continued.”
“Ruby deserves her goddamn freedom, her life will be much better with BOTH of you gone.”
“And in 10 years when she’s still successful and has a stable life and you and your friend continue to struggle, well, you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves.”
“You aren’t in your 20s anymore, NOW is the time to build the life you want which is what smart little Ruby is doing.”
“Team Ruby!”- Mrs_N2020
The OP later shared an update regarding Ruby and Tom.
“Sh*t has hit the fun.”
“Last night, Tom knocked on my door crying, and she kicked him out.”
“They were talking and he was beginning for her to stay, he offered to find a part-time job and do more around the house but she wouldn’t listen to him and didn’t care that he wanted to try.”
“She said she’s leaving in 2 weeks time.”
“He asked where and if they could meet and work on things while living separately but she’s moving abroad.”
“She asked him to go and stay someplace else while she is packing and he can move back in once she leaves.”
“She told him she had money saved up for him so he’ll have time to find a job.”
“He asked her if he could get them now since he has to go someplace else to stay and she said absolutely not.”
“She also said that because of that, him asking her, she wasn’t going to give him money for 6 months as she initially planned but only for 3 months because he only cares about money.”
“So he is not staying at mine because he doesn’t have money to stay elsewhere for 2 weeks and she wouldn’t even give him a penny.”
“He has his debit card, they had a joined account and she had a separate one, but she’s transferred all but £100.”
“That’s all he has for 2 weeks.”
“As you can see, she’s not the saint you guys make her up to be.”
“Tom is heartbroken and all she cares about is money and her move.”
“She doesn’t care how he feels or if he has a place to stay for the 2 weeks.”
The OP’s surprise at the way things ended between Ruby and Tom is a bit confusing, as she literally knew it was coming.
While one never hopes for a couple to end their relationship, it’s still a little hard to sympathize with either of them.
Being 30-years-old and supporting yourself in a responsible manner isn’t an unusual occurrence.