Sometimes, people might make unfair assumptions about us based purely on our associations with certain people.
Because of who our friends and family members are, others might think that we might like and dislike the things they like, or we act and behave as they do as well.
Ignoring the fact that just because they might be our friends or family members doesn’t mean we are exactly the same as they are.
Understandably, Redditor PieClassic1245 was often mistaken for her identical twin sister.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) was less than pleased by this ongoing confusion, owing to her sister’s known persona throughout their university.
Resulting in the OP confronting her sister to make sure the two of them would not be confused for one another moving forward.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for demanding that my twin sister either changes her lifestyle or makes sure everyone knows we’re two separate people?”
The OP explained why they wanted everyone confusing her for her identical twin sister to end and how she went about handling it.
“I (20 F[emale]) have an identical twin sister (‘Emma’).”
“We live together in an apartment while away from home for college.”
“We’ve always been very similar, not just in appearance, but also in the things we enjoy (as stereotypical with twins, I guess).”
“Except for when it comes to relationships.”
“I’m not interested in relationships at all, not emotional nor physical.”
“Emma is the complete opposite.”
“Ever since we started living here, she’s been bringing another random guy or girl (or both) home like every other night.”
“It makes me extremely uncomfortable, but since it’s her own life, I don’t think I really have any right to judge.”
“Problem is that it’s really beginning to affect my own life.”
“Not only do I have to listen to her going at it every time (we have *very* thin walls).”
“But since we look practically the same and even our names are similar (if her name is ‘Emma’, my name would be ‘Emilia’), I’m getting attention intended for her as well.”
“She has a reputation for how easy she is to sleep with, and people are approaching me thinking I’m her.”
“My messages on social media are being filled with all kinds of obscene language and nude photos.”
“When I reply saying I’m going to report them, they get confused because of the ‘good time we had last night.'”
“Any time I meet someone new, they only seem to be talking to me because they think I’m my sister and want to have some nighttime fun.”
“As a result, I don’t have any friends.”
“I got really fed up with it yesterday and told my sister the way she acts is ruining my life.”
“I told her she either needs to change her lifestyle, somehow make sure whoever she sleeps with won’t bother me, and make it clear to everyone that we’re not the same.”
“In response, she told me I need to mind my own business, that I shouldn’t be such a prude, and that I could probably use, in her words, ‘some d*cking’ myself.”
“It kind of escalated from there, resulting me in calling her a sl*t (which is definitely an AH thing to say, but I lost my cool).”
“Anyway, AITA for demanding my sister to change her way of living, or otherwise make sure her interaction with people doesn’t affect me?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
While everyone generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting her sister, they were somewhat divided on how she should handle the situation, or should handle this situation going forward
Some felt the OP’s behavior was more than justified, agreeing that her sister had put her in an unfair, possibly dangerous, situation, with many wondering if the OP’s twin sister was intentionally helping get the two of them confused on campus.
“Your sister’s inconsideration can put you in danger.”- Pristine_Resource_10
‘There is not much you can do about her bringing people over.”
“It would be best to move out and change your social media settings.”
‘Be your own person.”- No-To-Newspeak
‘It would be NAH had your parents not sucked hard enough to give identical twins similar names.”
“You need to live somewhere that your sister isn’t so you can put down roots of your own.”-Constant-Safe2411
“And she’s clearly giving them your social media instead of hers btw.”- BenynRudh
“Any chance your sister is pretending to be you so any reputation she develops while going wild doesn’t follow her into her future/career?”
“Once or twice could be just a random hookup getting the name wrong, but constantly?”
“Even if the your names are similar that stikes me as unlikely and I’d be worried she’s using your name instead of hers to avoid any blowback that might come from the reputation she is developing.”
“This sounds incredibly dangerous for OP.”
“Her home is open to random strangers nightly, who then harass her in person and online, believing she is someone they already have consent from.”
“The sister’s attitude about it is terrifying.”
“OP, if you pay for the apartment with your sister, it is time for new rules about visitors.”
“If your parents pay, it’s time to let them know what is happening to you and ask for their help.”
“Your sister can do whatever she wants with her own body, but obviously, she enjoys that you are being harassed and seems to want you to be more like her.”
“At any rate, she refuses to do even the bare minimum to protect you.’
When you add in the sister’s behavior and willingness to allow strangers in the apartment, this is a time bomb and OP doesn’t deserve to get hurt for her sister’s choices.”
“Actions speak far louder than words.”
“NTA, and please start looking for alternate living arrangements.”
“Your sister is acting out and she’s going to get hurt.”- External-Hamster-991
However, several others felt that rather than tell her sister what to do, the OP should be the one taking charge of making sure people could tell the difference between the two of them, and that the two of them should start living as separate lives as possible, with people finding neither or both of the twins at fault for the same reason.
“I have identical twin girls -they both dye their hair – one has long red hair and one mid length hair which is currently blue.”
“They go to college a 5-hour drive apart.”
“They love each other and visit, but they needed distance to establish their own identities.”
“You need to move out and even look at changing colleges – being that close is not healthy.”-ConstructionOk2810
“Clearly, you and your sister need to stop living together as soon as possible.”
“You don’t just have lifestyle differences, you have different values, and you’re awfully judgmental toward each other where your values differ.”
“I don’t see how you can live comfortably in the same dwelling.”
“I don’t think that either of you has to change her ways; what you have to do is find new roommates.”
“There is nothing wrong with the way either of you wants to live; it’s a personal decision.”
“What’s wrong is that each of you wants the other to adopt something far closer to her own way of life.”
“Which isn’t going to happen.”- Nester1953
“Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t try changing things out of my control but focus on separating my life clearly from hers.”
“Changing hair color and length, changing social media handles and putting them on private.”
“People won’t think it’s you irl if your appearance is different, and they won’t find you if you have a fake name or are invisible on sm.”
“Also, move out.”
“It’s only a matter of time before one of her partners tries hitting on you or comes when she is not there and thinks you are her pretending not to know them.”
“My twin brother is gay.”
“You can’t control her, but you can control your hairstyle.”
“If you catch yourself saying something like, ‘Well, I shouldn’t have to change ______ just because she ______,’ just realize that you’re experiencing what she feels when you demand for her to change her lifestyle.”
“ESH (because sister should at least make an effort to communicate that she is a twin and her guys should stay away from OP).”- bigcup321
“This is an interesting problem.”
“Even if you share likeness, how did they get your social contacts, let alone be able to message you.”
“Plus you can always change your hairstyle or do a Clark Kent.”
“In all seriousness, I would move out.”
“Peaceful sleep is worth every penny. Make some friends and see if you can get a roommates together (no guys) and rent a large unit.”- magaphone12
“It’s time to leave.”
“Start somewhere else you are not known as a twin and change your name on your profiles to a fake name, middle name, grandmas maiden name or something.”- Constant_Cultural
It’s easy to see why the OP was angry about her situation, as she had every right to be.
And by all accounts, it’s hard to understand why her twin sister didn’t make more of an effort to make sure people knew who was who.
It seems clear that the best thing for everyone right now would be a little space and time apart.