Imagine suddenly discovering a major, troublesome attribute of a person you’ve known for years.
That’s what one woman was confronted with recently, as her post in the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit explained.
The Original Poster (OP), known as AITA-IrishLass, conveyed how dicey things got right in the post’s title.
“AITA for making my flatmate cry?”
OP began the post with some contextual details.
“[24-year-old female] and flatmate is [25-year-old female]. Ireland has only just begun easing COVID restrictions and I’ve been making better money than her over the course of the pandemic, so I’ve been paying more of the rent than her.”
“That isn’t the issue here, it’s just for context.”
Then came a few key characters.
“My brother, ‘Dan’ [26-year-old male] and his boyfriend, ‘Seán’ [27-year-old male] live nearby, so they’ve been part of my ‘close circle’ during COVID. They’ve been dating for a few years, and I’m very close to both of them.”
“Dan and I have always been close, and Seán and I have very similar personalities, so we’ve always gotten along great.”
“They have their own place, and my flatmate is introverted, so I usually visit them, and it’s rare for them to come to my flat.”
Recently, OP made some fun plans.
“Me and Seán are walking Irish stereotypes: very loud, enjoy drinking, all that. Dan’s quieter but he’s used to us and can keep up fine.”
“One night last week, they instead decided to have a game night, and invited my flatmate as well. Something quieter and more her speed, she still declined.”
“Okay, whatever, I didn’t push it and just let Dan and Seán know. I still went and had fun.”
But what happened next surprised OP completely.
“When I got back, I said something along the lines of ‘that was great craic, you should come by next time.’ “
“Her: Yeah, it sounded fun, but they make me uncomfortable.”
“Me: I get you, the three of us can be real loud when we’re together, that’s why I try to go over there.”
“Her: Well that’s not the only thing.”
“Her: I’m not really comfortable around gay people, sorry.”
OP saw red.
“Admittedly I lost it here. I had no clue that she felt that way, and maybe I’m just biased by how close I am to both of them, but I went off on her: ;it’s 2021, so what if my brother’s gay, why does that matter.’ “
“And yeah, she hates confrontation too, but I wasn’t really concerned with that at the moment.”
“She went into her room and slammed the door, while I took my rage out on some of our throw pillows. I had no clue I was living with someone so intolerant.”
Then came phase two.
“After I thought I’d cooled off, I heard her crying from her room and got mad again.”
” ‘What are you crying for? If anything I should be the one crying. I didn’t know I was living with a feckin’ homophobe!’ I shouted, which just made her cry harder.”
But despite the confidence in the moment, OP was left wondering.
“After she’d cooled off, I went into my room and wondered if I had been too hard on her.”
“Maybe my rage was blinding me at the time, it’s hard for me to look back clearly on this and I’d like more opinions. Was I being the a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors’ responses were a bit scattered, though a clear majority did say that OP wasn’t the a**hole.
“NTA She even had an out of ‘yeah, y’all are too loud, that’s totally it’ and instead decided she wanted to put her homophobia on display. Fu** that nonsense.”
“Something tells me she was hoping to provoke something to justify her moving out without notice… But maybe I’m reaching. Regardless, you aren’t an a**hole at all in this situation. Good luck finding a better roommate in the future!!” — JustNoThrowsAway
“NTA. Being homophobic in 2021 is just embarrassing, lol.”
“It also genuinely wasn’t necessary for her to say. She didn’t have to say they made her uncomfortable and she could’ve just declined coming another time. It’s clear you weren’t trying to force her, just include her. IMO it was just rude.” — paralorie
“NTA. You’ve been doing her a favor covering her rent and she has the audacity to say your brother can’t visit bc he’s gay.” — WeedLatte
“NTA She’s a homophobe and you called her on it.”
I” firmly believe that if you’re hurt over a truthful statement about yourself then you should do some soul searching and amend your practices, actions, and/or beliefs.”
“I’d also move. There’s no way I’d continue to live with anyone who thought like this. I just wouldn’t be able to get over it.” — kalkiki
“NTA. She is basically saying there is something wrong with your brother.”
“Maybe instead of yelling a calm response of: Well, we are not comfortable around homophobic weirdos, so I guess we should all stay away from each other then.”
“I would also insist she start paying her fair share of the rent and stop any other friendly gestures.” — WordwordNerdlinger
A handful of people did say that both OP and her roommate were at fault.
“ESH. She’s homophobic and you have anger management issues.” — brgurl
“ESH. Her for not just going with the nonconfrontational answer when she had the option. You for reacting violently by screaming at her repeatedly and throwing/hitting things.”
“That’s neither an appropriate reaction nor one likely to help change her beliefs.” — ShadowsObserver
“ESH Her homophbia is bad but screaming and hitting pillows while in a blind rage isn’t good. There’s issues on both sides here” — Istero
So it looks like OP, on the whole, has nothing to worry about with regard to her stance on the issue.
Her delivery, however, may need some work, according to Reddit.