Everyone has different relationships with alcohol.
Some are able to drink responsibly and enjoy a glass of wine or a cocktail every now and then without relying on it.
Others simply don’t like the taste, hence their not having a drop of alcohol in their life.
While some find themselves relying on it, eventually leading to their needing help to recover from their addiction.
The sister-in-law of Redditor Thatfallingfan was among those people, resulting in her decision to make her wedding completely free of alcohol.
This decision did not sit well with the original poster (OP)’s older sister, who wasn’t afraid to let her displeasure be known at the wedding.
Resulting in the OP needing to intervene.
Wondering if she handled the situation as well as she could have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for yelling at my sister and calling her an alcoholic and embarrassing her at our brothers wedding?”
The OP first shared a bit of insight regarding her sister-in-law’s past, as well as her own family dynamic.
“I (23 F[emale]) got the pleasure of going to my brother (32 M[ale]) Ryan’s wedding to his beautiful wife (29 F) who we’ll call Kinsley last Sunday.”
“Just for some backstory Kinsley is an ex-alcoholic (4 years clean!) and has been with my brother for 5 years.”
‘It was truly an amazing wedding overall, they did it on their 5-year anniversary.”
“Was supposed to be earlier but got pushed because of Covid.”
“Now some backstory on my side of the family.”
“I was an accident.”
“My brother and sister were already far older than me when I was born.”
“They never were rude to me but I was REALLY young for most of their childhood, so we didn’t know each other super well until adulthood.”
“My sister (34 F), Haily, has always been a real life of the party.”
“But she’s super spoiled.”
“She’s never had any type of trauma or struggle in her life, so she never understood anyone else’s.”
“When Kinsley went to rehab our family put in a little bit of money in each, and even though Haily didn’t get it, she still put in money for her.”
But Haily had much more trouble hiding her lack of sympathy for Kinsley’s situation on her wedding day, upon discovering there wouldn’t be any alcohol.
“At the wedding, as you’d expect, there was NO alcohol, not a single drop.”
“Not in anything, most of us understood why, and everything was going just fine.”
“Until Haily found out.”
“it started with little jokes on the side like ‘oh you don’t want to party?’, Well you at least could let your guests get down a little bit’, to her starting to make rude snarky comments.”
“It only got too far when she said that Kinsley should just GET OVER IT and have alcohol because ‘its been 5 years dear!'”
“She started getting more aggressive about it, saying that she didn’t have to drink, and it made no sense to deprive her guests.”
“At this point, it looked like Kinsley was on the verge of tears.”
“She struggled being an alcoholic for years, it was insanely hard and she still struggles from the effects.”
“So I decided to interrupt.”
“I told my sister she was being ungrateful for this moment, and maybe she was an alcoholic if she couldn’t last five hours without a drink.”
“Needless to say, she was unimpressed.”
“She got SUPER pissed, she started yelling at me about how ‘I ruined her life from the beginning’ and how ‘your not even our real sister’ and how our parents didn’t want me.”
“Super weird overall, seeing as she’d never brought this up before, and I am her real sister?”
“She got kicked out after that.”
“The rest of the wedding was fine, and we all laughed about it in the end.”
“As soon as the wedding was over and I went to head home, I had a bunch of messages from my sister saying how I embarrassed her, and how unfair it was, and how Kinsley was just a b*tch who always wants to be the victim.”
“Some of my cousins are saying that I shouldn’t have said all that, and let my brother deal with it.”
“So I have to ask am I the a**hole for calling my sister an alcoholic?”
“Yes, it WAS told there would be NO alcohol.”
“It wasn’t like some huge bang in your face, but it was told.”
“Many people apparently just didn’t look at the details about the wedding.”
“It was further down in their defense.”
“Haily always gave Kinsley sh*t for alcohol, and she was inappropriate for a while.”
“I already apologized to Kinsley for not saying anything sooner.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP did the right thing by calling her sister out, and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that Haily needed to hear what the OP needed to say, with many wondering if Haily, herself, might be an alcoholic.
“NTA.”
“Good on you for standing up for Kinsley.”
“Haily doesn’t sound very kind or supportive at all, honestly.”
“Everything she’s said and done in this story seems really inappropriate and inconsiderate, and extremely unkind.”
“I think it shows her true character that she not only made an issue out of nothing about the alcohol but also then proceeded to attack you in a vicious way about your place in the family.”
“After all of that, you STILL came on here and said good things about her to stop strangers from being too harsh about her.”
“That says a lot about your character.”
“For what it’s worth, you seem to be a lovely person, and I’d be honored to have a sister, or sister-in-law, like you, and I’m so proud of you for standing up and trying to stop her from ruining things.”-Stroopwafeled
“NTA.”
“Someone should have put a stop to her behavior immediately.’
“Not just at the wedding but prior remarks made during SILs recovery.’
“Someone needs to talk to your sister about all the comments made to you and SIL, that level of jealousy and resentment is very toxic and for it to be missed is weird.”- jaede622
“NTA.”
“Good for you for standing up for your SIL!”
“You are awesome!”
“Your sister might actually be an alcoholic.”
“Her actions speak volumes.”
“You did the right thing.”
“Maybe sis needs a little self-reflection.”- pfashby
“NTA.”
“It sounds like your sister was throwing a selfish tantrum and ruining a special time for Kinsley.”
“I think it was courageous for you to stick up for Kinsley, and your sister deserved to be taken to task for her behavior.”- thekellysong
“Your sister may not know how to have fun without alcohol.”
“She has an identity as the fun one and was likely triggered by seeing how flat things are without the buzz.”
“Must have been confronting for her.”
“No excuse for bad behavior but more about a wake up call for her and the family.”
“She may have been getting comments from others about how she seemed off or different.”
“More evidence of her alcoholism.”
“It’s also a good lesson in nice vs kind.”
“Kind people are the way they are without expectation of how others treat them in response.”
“Nice people are only nice when they are perceiving they will get something in return, whether approval, gifts, compliments, etc. you are kind.”
“She is nice.”- ptprn1
“NTA!”
“I am glad you did the right thing!”
“It was a day for the BRIDE AND GROOM.”
“I hope they thanked you for getting rid of the toxic garbage.”
“As for your cousin, let’s hope when they grow up and mature more.”- Kallista20
“Under no circumstances are you required to have alcohol at a wedding.”
“That this the bride and groom’s choice.”
“Since it is their wedding.”
‘If you cannot have a good time without alcohol then you might have a problem.”
“We associate alcohol and socializing together.’
‘It’s normalized when it shouldn’t be.”
“NTA.”- HausWeiss
“NTA.”
“Drink shows peoples’ true colours.”
“Your sister isn’t kind and supportive.”
“She acts that way to keep people on her side.”- NowWithMoreChocolate
Upon reading some comments from the Reddit community, the OP shared how they planned to have another serious conversation with their sister.
“I’m going to talk to my sister and see if she needs anything, seeing as how many people think she may also be struggling with alcoholism.”
Perhaps the most frightening thing about alcoholism is that those who suffer from it might not realize it.
And depend on someone else calling them out, and offering their hand as the first step in helping them.
If Haily is, indeed, an alcoholic, she should consider herself lucky that she has the OP as a sister, who it seems clear will be there for her every step of the way toward recovery.