Being attracted to someone is a unique experience.
And attraction can change with time.
That is not necessarily a bad thing, until it is.
It’s always good to examine the reasons you were attracted to someone and the reasons you may no longer be.
Case in point…
Redditor Concerned_wife847 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for finally confronting my husband about his unhealthy choices?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28 f[emale]) and my husband (30 m[ale]) K, have been married for 2 years, together for 5.”
“It was made very clear at the beginning of our relationship that I care a lot about physical fitness.”
“K and I have always been very fit people who regularly attend the gym and eat well so that has never been a problem.”
“5 months ago, my husband decided to go off of his anxiety meds.”
“I know people typically gain weight while on certain medications but he (thankfully) never had that problem.”
“However, since going off of his meds I’ve noticed he has been to the gym less and has been eating some junk food.”
“Because of this he has gained a significant amount of weight.”
“I tried to urge him to go to the gym more and cut out the junk food but he didn’t take it well, and would just kind of go silent and nod when I suggested it.”
“Recently, one of my B[rother] I[n] L[aw]s (33m) D came over. He noticed my husband has gained a lot of weight since his last visit a few months ago.”
“A couple nights ago after dinner, K was getting (an unhealthy) snack after dinner.”
“D noticed K eating a lot of snacks and told K that he needed to ‘chill’ and cut down on the carbs.”
‘My husband got offended and said it was none of his brother’s business what he ate and that gaining ’10-15 pounds isn’t a big deal.'”
“I tried to stay out of it but then K asked why I wasn’t defending him. I finally broke.”
“I gently said that honestly I agreed with D.”
“And that my husband’s weight gain was a problem.”
“Gaining 10 pounds in 5 months was pretty extreme and if I had known this would happen I never would have encouraged K to go off of his meds.”
“K got really upset and went off to our room and ended up staying there the rest of the night (which I felt was kind of dramatic but anyways).”
“Later, when I went to bed, K asked why I said all of those rude things?”
“I didn’t think i was rude so I got kind of offended to be honest that he was suddenly accusing me.”
“I ended up losing my cool and saying I couldn’t believe he didn’t see the problem.”
“His weight gain was causing me stress and making me not attracted to him anymore.”
“He used to look amazing but now I can barely see his abs which I know isn’t a big deal to some people but to me it is. “
“K started crying and told me to get out and I ended up sleeping in the guest room.”
“He still won’t talk to me.”
“AITA for finally telling my husband the truth about his health?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA. This isn’t about his health.”
“10-15 pounds ISN’T a big deal healthwise, especially if he was fit before gaining the weight.”
“This is 100% about his looks, so don’t hide behind health.”
“And yeah, his brother is an a**hole too.” ~ stubblesmcgee
“YTA People’s bodies are their own business.”
“What’s your husband eats and how much he works out is his business.”
“If you aren’t attracted to him any longer, then get a divorce so you don’t have to have sex with him.”
“You 100% do not have to stay married to someone whose body you find repulsive.”
“But if you decide to stay married to him, you can’t comment on his body or what he eats.”
“You can’t know what your partners body is going to look like for the rest of your time together.”
“He may be put on a different medication and gain 60 pounds.”
“Or he may get ill and lose 40 pounds.”
“Just as he can’t know that about you.”
“You can either develop a more mature attitude about body size or you can go find some other schmuck to marry you, but stop torturing your husband.” ~ EtonRd
“I married my husband for his beautiful soul.”
“He weighed 245-260 when we started dating over 35 years ago.”
“He had a huge buffalo chest and a nice big belly that I loved, and we had the kind of love life that everyone hopes for.”
“Several years ago he started throwing up a lot, and after every test they could throw at him, the doctors couldn’t tell us what the problem is.”
“Today he weighs 145lbs, the last time he weighed that was 6th grade.”
“He’s not anywhere close to a spring chicken and his over 6foot height is closer to 5’6.”
“He now has prostate issues and our sex life is a thing of the past.”
“But I think my sweet old man, with his bald head and silver mustache and beard, is the sexiest, most beautiful man God ever made.”
“We still hold hands wherever we go and we are not strangers to public displays of affection.”
“And if someone is unhappy or uncomfortable with it, they can kiss my boney behind.”
“Shame on you!”
“What happened to for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health?”
“Let your husband divorce you so he can find someone who loves his soul, someone who loves him for him.”
“I read some disgusting things on Reddit, but you are at the top of that list!!!!!!” ~ mrshellcat2u
“Imagine how unattractive she’ll find him in a few years when they’re aging and their bodies naturally change.”
“I knew she was the a**hole as soon as she said ‘I know people typically gain weight while on certain medications but he (thankfully) never had that problem.’”
“Like seriously his weight is more important to her than her partners mental well-being?”
“I totally agree, it’s neither her or her BIL business what he eats, 10 pounds is not that serious.”
“I’ve gained 10 pounds and still fit in the same clothing I wore 10 lbs. lighter.”
“OP-get a divorce and find someone who’s equally shallow and manipulative as you and stop masking this as a health concern.”
“Your husband deserves a supportive partner while struggling with his mental health.” ~ FinalBlackberry
OP heard some of you and came back to update…
“I went to work and now suddenly this thing has blown up.”
“To everyone DMing me/saying I should get a divorce, you don’t know my relationship with my husband and CLEARLY you do not understand it.”
“I love my husband, I love him a lot.”
“I do not want to divorce him.”
“Are people not allowed to be attracted to specific things?”
“My husband talked to his psychiatrist before going off the meds.”
“He ended up kind of going cold turkey with it but not exactly.”
“He weened himself off over a week.”
“And no, I do not have an eating disorder.”
“10lbs in 5 months is 2lbs a month.”
“My weight can fluctuate by 2lbs week over week, depending on my activity levels and water intake and all that.”
“Clearly OP is one of those people whose entire identity is a wannabe Instagram influencer.”
“YTA, OP.” ~ SinsOfKnowing
“Also it sounds like he was extremely lean before and just barely has some body fat on his torso now based on the ‘I can barely see his abs’ comment.”
“That means they’re still freaking visible.”
“And 10 lbs is not a huge deal, especially with a med change!”
“Ugh. OP is garbage and I’m mad on his behalf. Definite YTA.” ~ blancawiththebooty
“Y are such TA.”
“It’s one thing to be worried about your husband’s health but it is a far other to say you aren’t attracted to him anymore because you can’t see his abs.”
“That’s ‘important to you.'”
“Girl, did you get married under the assumption he’d look the same forever?”
“Do you think you will? Imagine this was about your hair going gray or your post preggo bod.”
“Even if you feel this way, it should’ve been a private conversation with your husband.”
“Don’t be so shallow. You don’t know what your future holds.” ~ Pleasant_Love_758
YTA big time.
“You’ve failed to recognize that his mental health has regressed because of coming off the meds, because you care more about how he looks.”
‘”How can you say he’s being dramatic, yet when he asked you why you were so hurtful you go pissed?”
“Why is it ok for you to react emotionally, but not him.”
“I’d divorce your a** straight away and find someone else who is more supportive of mental illness.” ~ Adventurous_Tie_3057
OP came back to respond…
“I have asked my husband what’s wrong and he says nothing.”
“How am I supposed to help him if he doesn’t communicate?”
“I assume he talks to his therapist/psychiatrist about this stuff and I don’t want to cause more problems.”
Well it sounds like OP has a lot to think about, as does her husband.
Reddit certainly didn’t hold back with thoughts.
Marriage is a compromise most of the time.
And the key to a good compromise is communication.
Hopefully these two can find a way to communicate peacefully.