Being attracted to someone is a unique experience.
And attraction can change with time.
That is not necessarily a bad thing, until it is.
It's always good to examine the reasons you were attracted to someone and the reasons you may no longer be.
Case in point...
Redditor Concerned_wife847 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for finally confronting my husband about his unhealthy choices?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (28 f[emale]) and my husband (30 m[ale]) K, have been married for 2 years, together for 5."
"It was made very clear at the beginning of our relationship that I care a lot about physical fitness."
"K and I have always been very fit people who regularly attend the gym and eat well so that has never been a problem."
"5 months ago, my husband decided to go off of his anxiety meds."
"I know people typically gain weight while on certain medications but he (thankfully) never had that problem."
"However, since going off of his meds I've noticed he has been to the gym less and has been eating some junk food."
"Because of this he has gained a significant amount of weight."
"I tried to urge him to go to the gym more and cut out the junk food but he didn't take it well, and would just kind of go silent and nod when I suggested it."
"Recently, one of my B[rother] I[n] L[aw]s (33m) D came over. He noticed my husband has gained a lot of weight since his last visit a few months ago."
"A couple nights ago after dinner, K was getting (an unhealthy) snack after dinner."
"D noticed K eating a lot of snacks and told K that he needed to 'chill' and cut down on the carbs."
'My husband got offended and said it was none of his brother's business what he ate and that gaining '10-15 pounds isn't a big deal.'"
"I tried to stay out of it but then K asked why I wasn't defending him. I finally broke."
"I gently said that honestly I agreed with D."
"And that my husband's weight gain was a problem."
"Gaining 10 pounds in 5 months was pretty extreme and if I had known this would happen I never would have encouraged K to go off of his meds."
"K got really upset and went off to our room and ended up staying there the rest of the night (which I felt was kind of dramatic but anyways)."
"Later, when I went to bed, K asked why I said all of those rude things?"
"I didn't think i was rude so I got kind of offended to be honest that he was suddenly accusing me."
"I ended up losing my cool and saying I couldn't believe he didn't see the problem."
"His weight gain was causing me stress and making me not attracted to him anymore."
"He used to look amazing but now I can barely see his abs which I know isn't a big deal to some people but to me it is. "
"K started crying and told me to get out and I ended up sleeping in the guest room."
"He still won't talk to me."
"AITA for finally telling my husband the truth about his health?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It's a tricky situation.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"YTA. This isn't about his health."
"10-15 pounds ISN'T a big deal healthwise, especially if he was fit before gaining the weight."
"This is 100% about his looks, so don't hide behind health."
"And yeah, his brother is an a**hole too." ~ stubblesmcgee
"YTA People's bodies are their own business."
"What's your husband eats and how much he works out is his business."
"If you aren't attracted to him any longer, then get a divorce so you don't have to have sex with him."
"You 100% do not have to stay married to someone whose body you find repulsive."
"But if you decide to stay married to him, you can't comment on his body or what he eats."
"You can't know what your partners body is going to look like for the rest of your time together."
"He may be put on a different medication and gain 60 pounds."
"Or he may get ill and lose 40 pounds."
"Just as he can't know that about you."
"You can either develop a more mature attitude about body size or you can go find some other schmuck to marry you, but stop torturing your husband." ~ EtonRd
"I married my husband for his beautiful soul."
"He weighed 245-260 when we started dating over 35 years ago."
"He had a huge buffalo chest and a nice big belly that I loved, and we had the kind of love life that everyone hopes for."
"Several years ago he started throwing up a lot, and after every test they could throw at him, the doctors couldn't tell us what the problem is."
"Today he weighs 145lbs, the last time he weighed that was 6th grade."
"He's not anywhere close to a spring chicken and his over 6foot height is closer to 5'6."
"He now has prostate issues and our sex life is a thing of the past."
"But I think my sweet old man, with his bald head and silver mustache and beard, is the sexiest, most beautiful man God ever made."
"We still hold hands wherever we go and we are not strangers to public displays of affection."
"And if someone is unhappy or uncomfortable with it, they can kiss my boney behind."
"Shame on you!"
"What happened to for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health?"
"Let your husband divorce you so he can find someone who loves his soul, someone who loves him for him."
"I read some disgusting things on Reddit, but you are at the top of that list!!!!!!" ~ mrshellcat2u
"Imagine how unattractive she'll find him in a few years when they're aging and their bodies naturally change."
"I knew she was the a**hole as soon as she said 'I know people typically gain weight while on certain medications but he (thankfully) never had that problem.'"
"Like seriously his weight is more important to her than her partners mental well-being?"
"I totally agree, it's neither her or her BIL business what he eats, 10 pounds is not that serious."
"I've gained 10 pounds and still fit in the same clothing I wore 10 lbs. lighter."
"OP-get a divorce and find someone who's equally shallow and manipulative as you and stop masking this as a health concern."
"Your husband deserves a supportive partner while struggling with his mental health." ~ FinalBlackberry
OP heard some of you and came back to update...
"I went to work and now suddenly this thing has blown up."
"To everyone DMing me/saying I should get a divorce, you don't know my relationship with my husband and CLEARLY you do not understand it."
"I love my husband, I love him a lot."
"I do not want to divorce him."
"Are people not allowed to be attracted to specific things?"
"My husband talked to his psychiatrist before going off the meds."
"He ended up kind of going cold turkey with it but not exactly."
"He weened himself off over a week."
"And no, I do not have an eating disorder."
"10lbs in 5 months is 2lbs a month."
"My weight can fluctuate by 2lbs week over week, depending on my activity levels and water intake and all that."
"Clearly OP is one of those people whose entire identity is a wannabe Instagram influencer."
"YTA, OP." ~ SinsOfKnowing
"Also it sounds like he was extremely lean before and just barely has some body fat on his torso now based on the 'I can barely see his abs' comment."
"That means they're still freaking visible."
"And 10 lbs is not a huge deal, especially with a med change!"
"Ugh. OP is garbage and I'm mad on his behalf. Definite YTA." ~ blancawiththebooty
"Y are such TA."
"It's one thing to be worried about your husband's health but it is a far other to say you aren't attracted to him anymore because you can't see his abs."
"That's 'important to you.'"
"Girl, did you get married under the assumption he'd look the same forever?"
"Do you think you will? Imagine this was about your hair going gray or your post preggo bod."
"Even if you feel this way, it should've been a private conversation with your husband."
"Don't be so shallow. You don't know what your future holds." ~ Pleasant_Love_758
YTA big time.
"You've failed to recognize that his mental health has regressed because of coming off the meds, because you care more about how he looks."
'"How can you say he's being dramatic, yet when he asked you why you were so hurtful you go pissed?"
"Why is it ok for you to react emotionally, but not him."
"I'd divorce your a** straight away and find someone else who is more supportive of mental illness." ~ Adventurous_Tie_3057
OP came back to respond...
"I have asked my husband what's wrong and he says nothing."
"How am I supposed to help him if he doesn't communicate?"
"I assume he talks to his therapist/psychiatrist about this stuff and I don't want to cause more problems."
Well it sounds like OP has a lot to think about, as does her husband.
Reddit certainly didn't hold back with thoughts.
Marriage is a compromise most of the time.
And the key to a good compromise is communication.
Hopefully these two can find a way to communicate peacefully.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.