One likes to think everyone they know has the most basic standard of hygiene and cleanliness.
That they bathe or shower regularly, wash their hands after using the bathroom, or if they were digging in a dirty or sticky place.
Some people do a bit more of a thorough job of this than others though.
As a result, some people might look down on those who don’t wash their hands for the exact length of “The Birthday Song” sung twice, while others might roll their eyes at those who take more than 10 minutes in the shower.
Redditor Equal-Dinner still has a bathroom appliance which has become less and less commonplace in most homes over time.
Unfortunately, a guest of the original poster (OP)’s misused the appliance during a recent visit.
When she discovered its true purpose, she was horrified and humiliated, and scolded the OP for not warning her ahead of time.
Wondering if she had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not telling strangers that I wash my behind?”
The OP explained how a guest’s misuse of one of her bathroom appliances led to an unexpected confrontation.
“I (30s F[emale]) come from a country where it is customary to wash your bottom after you go number two.”
“It is a standard practice like in many other countries, and every household has bathrooms with bidets.”
“I currently live in an European country where it is not that common, but you can still find a few houses that do have a bidet, and some people here wash, and others wipe, but neither choice is strange to the other group.”
“I happen to live in a house with 2 bathrooms: a small one with a toilet and a sink, and a large one that also has bathtub and a bidet.”
“When I have guests, I usually point them to the small bathroom but only because is closer to the area we usually hang out.”
“Last weekend my wife (40s) and I had a bunch of friends over for a bbq since the weather is nice and we have a terrace.”
“One of my friends brought Kelly (30s, not real name) who is from the US and I’ve never met before.”
“Everything was going well and I thought Kelly was nice.”
“I was grilling sausages and at one point I take one out to give it to someone and I drop it on Kelly’s feet, who was wearing flip flops.”
“I apologized profusely and handed Kelly a napkin, she said not to worry but she preferred to wash, so she leaves while I stay in the terrace cleaning the floor.”
“She comes back a moment later and comments on ‘how cute that our bathroom has a little feet washer’.”
“My wife and I were like, ‘what?”
“And when she repeats I say ‘Oh you mean the bidet?'”
“Kelly did not know what a bidet was, and when I explained to her she was shocked, and asked if we actually use it to wash after going to the toilet, and I say that my wife doesn’t (she’s from a country where this is not common) but I do, and that’s when she lost it.”
“She got agitated and furious and asking how come we didn’t tell her?”
“To which I said I’ve never had to explain to anyone what a bidet was before.”
“She said we should’ve warned her, that we need to warn our guests that I wash my behind there, that it is not ‘normal’ and that I was an AH.”
“I started naming some of the many, many countries that do wash as a cultural norm while also stating that here, even if people don’t have one, everyone knows what it is, but she completely went nuts when she realized that the little towel hanging next to it is for drying my bottom.”
“Seems like she used it to dry her feet and hands.”
“She left shortly after, along with my friend.”
“I don’t think I did anything wrong, my wife thinks the same, but my friend said that I should’ve apologized and another friend said she understood Kelly’s point.”
“I want to note that the bidet was clean.”
“The ‘poop towel’ is the size of a napking, and it hangs directly next to the bidet at about 40cm from the floor, so I dont see how anybody could mistake it for a normal towel.”
“Also, we don’t share the towel, each person has their own, is just that I am the only one who uses the bidet therefore only one towel.”
“Last, the towel dries you after you clean, there is no poop, just like when you get out of the shower.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not warning Kelly about the bidet.
Everyone agreed Kelly’s anger stemmed from her own embarrassment, and the OP was not to blame, with others pointing out how even if bidets aren’t common in bathrooms around the world, most people still know what they are.
“Water from my bidet is spraying my American a** right now as I type you are NTA op.”-CaliforniaWeedEagle
“NTA.”
“She’s just angry because she’s embarrassed.”
“I’m also from a country where bidets aren’t common and I still know what one is.”
“She could’ve just wiped her feet off with a wet napkin or something.”- mahoganypomegranate
“NTA but she’s not mad that you said what you said, she’s mad because she was embarrassed.”-wartwyndhaven
“NTA.”
“Kelly is a backwoods neanderthal.”
“I’m from the US and I know what a bidet is and we have bidet attachments on all of our toilets and we use them.”
“She just pitched a fit because she was embarrassed for not knowing.”- SquishyBeth77
“NTA.”
“Cultural differences resulted in a misunderstanding that was nobody’s fault.”
“Where she put herself in the wrong was when she attacked you about it rather than just accept the misunderstanding.”- msfinch87
“NTA.”
“Kelly is ignorant (and an embarrassing US resident) and lacks common knowledge.”
“Although bidets are not prevalent in US, they are common enough that as a child growing up in the deep south, I knew what a bidet was before starting elementary school.”
“So Kelly is mistaken in her belief you need to tell everyone what the bidet is for and to warn them, because most people are not so stupid to not already know.”
“And even if they were, she was rude to bring this up in the way that she did.”
“Very poor manners.”- Gladtobealive2020
“NTA.”
“You’re not responsible for her ignorance about what a bidet is used for.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, if anything, Kelly should apologize for being so rude to you.”
“It’s understandable that she was a bit upset if she really didn’t know, and was grossed out, but once she had calmed down she should have realized she’d been rude, and apologized.”
“Your friend is weird, what does she think you have done that would merit an apology?”
“You could of course say to your friend ‘Of course I’m sorry that Kelly was upset, but I couldn’t have known she didn’t know what a bidet was or what they are for, I feel she was very rude in how she spoke to me and if anything, owes me an apology, but I’m willing not to force the issue’.”-ProfessorYaffle1
“NTA.”
“Kelly’s lack of culture is her own problem, not yours.”- brisemartel
“NTA.”
“One of my favorite stories is when my friend went to a European museum and spotted a gentleman mistaking it for a water fountain (and using it!) in the public restroom.”
“Priceless!”- 247cnt
“NTA but if you have guests over frequently you may consider getting a cute sign that says something to the effect of ‘this towel is for your cheeks, not your face’.”
“I can understand the towel confusion.”
“I’ve heard of bidets before, but the butt towel is new to me.”- archaic_revenge
“She was embarrassed that she was ignorant.”
“NTA but she was/is.”- Kilbane
“NTA.”
“She was outraged at having wiped her feet with your a** towel, but she had no problem getting her feet all over a towel that she thought you used for your hands and face?”- UsernamesAreHard2684
“Kelly has a dirty a** and she’s mad about it.”- Kooky_Theory_5719
“NTA.”
“I can’t believe she’s never heard of a bidet!”
“And your toilet habits are no business off hers.”
“Bidets are actually used in maternity hospitals here in the UK…unfortunately I copped a dodgy one after I had my son and had stitches down there…the water sprayed out full force and nearly took my stitches out!”- sprinkle_and_sparkle
It’s easy to understand why Kelly would be so embarrassed.
However, it’s always a wise idea to ask what an unknown appliance’s purpose is before you use it.
Then too, why she would assume anything placed right next to a toilet would be for washing feet is curious to begin with.