When we think of best friends, we think of unconditional love and being best friends with them for the rest of our lives.
When they do something to betray us, it's honestly a betrayal like no other, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Mundane-Alarm-5684 thought that her childhood best friend would be a best friend forever, and she was excited for her best friend's child's first birthday.
But when she discovered her best friend stole her credit card information to pay for an expensive birthday party for the one-year-old, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for blocking my childhood best friend after she tried to make me pay for the catering at her son's first birthday?"
The OP had been best friends with Anna forever.
"So here's the thing—me (28 Female) and Anna (28 Female) have been best friends since forever. Like, we grew up together, went through school, first breakups, everything."
"Naturally, when she had her baby, I was thrilled for her. I even helped plan the baby shower and got super involved in her life as a new mom."
But then Anna started acting weird while planning her child's first birthday party.
"But recently, things have gotten weird."
"Anna's son turned one last weekend, and she wanted to throw a huge party. I'm talking over-the-top: rented venue, professional catering, decorations, the whole shebang."
"Now, I thought we were just going to have a nice little family-and-friends thing, but nope, Anna had a vision. Fine, no biggie. I figured she could do whatever made her happy for her son's big day."
"Fast forward to a week before the party. Anna starts hinting that she's 'a little stressed' about costs and how 'tight things are right now.'"
"I get it, having a baby is expensive, but she kept bringing it up in every conversation. I offered to help with decorations or pick up some snacks, but she waved it off, saying she had everything under control."
Then Anna revealed what was going on.
"The day of the party comes, and it's chaos, balloons everywhere, a bouncy house, and tons of people I didn't even know. I show up early to help set up, and Anna's running around like a headless chicken."
"Then, as we're putting out the decorations, she casually says, 'Oh, by the way, I put the catering on your card.'"
"I hadn't even seen a catering bill, let alone agreed to pay for one. 'Uh, what do you mean you put it on my card?' I asked, trying to stay calm."
"She looked at me like I was being dramatic and goes, 'Yeah, you know I've been struggling. I figured you wouldn't mind covering it, and I'll pay you back later.'"
"Excuse me?!"
The OP was shocked and disgusted.
"First of all, I never once said she could use my card, and second, I had no clue how much this catering even cost."
"When I asked, she shrugged and said, 'Only about 500 dollars. It's not a big deal.'"
"Five hundred dollars?! For food I didn't even order or agree to pay for?!"
"I told her no way. I wasn't paying for something she never asked permission for, and frankly, I didn't have that kind of money just lying around."
"She acted all shocked and hurt, saying I was being selfish and how it was her son's first birthday. As if I'm supposed to go into debt for a party I didn't even throw!"
"We had a massive argument in front of some of her other friends, and I ended up leaving early."
Anna tried to push the blame onto the OP.
"Later that night, she blew up my phone with texts saying I ruined her son's day, that I was being a terrible friend, and how I didn't understand how hard things are for her right now."
"I just couldn't believe the audacity. After everything, I blocked her. I couldn't deal with the guilt-tripping, especially over something so ridiculous."
"Now, some mutual friends have reached out, saying I was too harsh and that I should've just helped her out because 'she's struggling.'"
"But I feel like she crossed a line. You don't just throw someone's money into your plans without asking them, right?"
"AITAH for blocking her? Or did I overreact?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were appalled by how the ex-friend had the OP's card information.
"Why would your friend have your card to begin with? You might want to check all your transactions to make sure she didn't use it previously without you knowing. Might also want to ask credit card company for a new card." - Hawaiianstylin808
"Review your credit report asap and get new cards asap. She's not your friend, she's a thief." - NickelPickle2018
"NTA. That's fraud..."
"Also if one is 'struggling,' one doesn't spend $500 on a one-year-old's birthday party."
"Your former friend is ridiculous." - PetrogradSwe
"You need to cancel that card and get a new one. If I were you, I'd also freeze my credit for the moment. If she does this, she'd also likely justify to herself why it'd be okay to open up new lines of credit in your name that she can make use of."
"She is not your friend, she is a thief who sees you as someone to be used. I'm sorry, but she really needs to experience the consequences that come with committing fraud and stealing."
"Anyone who disagrees can front her the money for bail and pay her legal fees, or, maybe they can pay the restitution she is going to owe to your credit card company and, by paying it, they can all hope they can make it go away. Not your problem whether they do or don't."
"Both she and those who support her thievery, should be disappearing from your life, in any case."
"NTA." - Odd-Artist-2595
Others agreed and completely understood why the OP was upset.
"NTA for blocking your friend after she used your card without permission. That's a huge violation of trust, and it's understandable why you'd feel hurt and betrayed. Anna crossed a serious line by charging $500 to your card without asking, and her reaction when confronted only made things worse."
"Even if she's struggling financially, that doesn't justify her actions, and you're not responsible for covering the costs of her son's birthday. Blocking her after that level of disrespect is a reasonable response to protect yourself from further boundary violations. You didn't overreact." - tamij1313
"NTA. Anna completely crossed a line by putting the catering on your card without asking. $500 is a lot of money, and it's unfair for her to assume you'd just cover it."
"You were right to set boundaries, especially when she tried to guilt-trip you after the fact. You're not responsible for funding her son's party." - Katiescanlon_
"When the OP offered help, that would have been the time to ask her if she could help cover the costs."
"Don't get me wrong, it was a huge ask, even if done the right way. What Anna did was a crime."
"OP, this friendship is over. She stole your card and submitted it for the payment. You don't know how she got it or what else she charged."
"There is no coming back from that, and any friends who say different probably need to check THEIR credit card statements." - Vegetable-Cod-2340
"NTA. She stole from you. Stole. From. You. There's no good reason for this behavior. Dispute the charges with your credit card company. Tell them your friend used your card by mistake."
"She is NOT struggling. Struggling is working, and still not save or cover living expenses. The party was for her, not a one-year-old baby."
"I'm glad you cut her off. If anyone asks you about it, tell them the truth, 'She stole 500 dollars from me to pay for the catering at her one-year-old's birthday party.'"
"If she gets blowback, it's not your problem. She shouldn't have done the thing that would cause her embarrassment if she didn't want to be humiliated. Don't further enable her by making up a more palatable version."
"I'm sorry your friend betrayed you like this. Nothing about her behavior is normal." - Ok-Try-857
The OP soon shared an update in a second post, in which her ex-best friend refused to accept accountability.
"I never expected this to blow up; thank you all for your advice."
"I have already filed a dispute with my credit card company. I also told her parents about the incident, and they were shocked by her behavior. They said they would talk to her."
"I figured they already did because after I told them what happened, she stormed over to my house, ranting about why I was making such a big deal by telling her parents and reminding me that we've been best friends who literally grew up together."
"I explained where she went wrong, but instead of taking accountability, she accused me of being selfish. She clearly isn't in the right mind."
"I don't know if she's experiencing postpartum issues, but I'm not going to tolerate this kind of treatment. I also told her that if she didn't stop harassing me over a problem she created, I would file a restraining order."
"As for the money she used, I've decided to follow your advice and press charges so she can (hopefully) learn her lesson. Not only was my trust shattered, but so was my heart."
In a second update post, the OP took additional steps to protect herself and her money.
"I really appreciate all your kind words. I have already sorted out everything with my bank and they told me the process would be seven to ten business days."
"I also requested a credit card change because I don't know if she still has access to my card. She's still trying to prove a point on how I am a bad friend to her. I changed all my locks because she had a key to my house as she was my childhood best friend after all, and I shared almost everything with her."
"My siblings and parents all went to my house after they heard what happened to keep an eye on me. I am now considering moving to another city because of what happened. Some of our mutual friends also apologized to me for defending her; apparently, she told our friends that the catering was my idea and that she only spent $100 for it using my card. They didn't know it was $500 until one of them saw the post on Reddit."
"Anna also saw the post and went berserk because she said I was ruining her image when I didn't even mention her full name, and there are literally millions of Anna in the world."
"And for everyone asking how she got a hold of my card, like I said in my previous post, I was asking myself the same question. It might be that she was snooping through my things while I wasn't paying attention, or it might be when I was babysitting for her so she could get some rest. I really don't know, and she won't say as to how she got my credit card as well because she felt like she doesn't have to explain anything because we are 'best friends.'"
"I will be taking this to court since things already got out of hand, and she resulted in threatening me. I never expected that our 20+ years of friendship would end like this, my heart is broken and my mental health is unstable right now and she's one of the reasons why."
"Thank you again, everyone, for all of your kind words and advice.She won't stop proving her point, so I filed a restraining order. My siblings and parents are also doing their utmost best to help me get through this."
The subReddit was collectively shocked that the OP's ex-best friend not only thought this was a good idea but that she did not feel like she needed to apologize for her behavior.
Fortunately, the OP was making moves to protect herself, and hopefully, her ex-best friend would learn enough from this to never try to do this to someone else again.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp