A common phrase for many couples is, “What’s mine is yours,” as many are fixated on sharing experiences, assets, and spaces.
But there should be limits, even to a nice idea like this one, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
In Redditor toothpaste43’s situation, he felt pressured by his girlfriend to share his prescription toothpaste, simply because of her curiosity.
When she left over his refusal, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was making too big of a deal out of it.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for not letting my girlfriend use my toothpaste?”
The OP’s girlfriend was staying the night.
“My girlfriend and I are both off tomorrow, so we went out to dinner tonight and came back to my place and watched some movies. We were going to go do something tomorrow, but…”
“When we were getting ready for bed, she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and do whatever.”
“She saw 2 kinds of toothpaste in the drawer and asked what the Fluoridex was.”
“I told her that it was prescription toothpaste and asked her to use the Crest.”
“I told her the other stuff is like 4 times more than regular toothpaste.”
“She said, ‘So you don’t want me to use it because it’s more expensive?'”
“I thought she was joking, so I said, ‘Yeah, I’m not Rockefeller and I have to get it from my dentist so I try to make it last.'”
This led to an argument.
“She was like, ‘So it would probably be good for my teeth too then.'”
“I said, ‘You don’t need it though.'”
“She said, ‘You don’t know that. Just let me just try it. I didn’t know prescription toothpaste was a thing, I wanna see what it’s like.'”
“I said, ‘Dude, can you just use the Crest, so we can go to bed?’ and took the Fluoridex from out of her hand.”
“She said, ‘You’re weirdly possessive about toothpaste.'”
“I said, ‘You’re the one making a big deal over it when there’s another toothpaste right there.'”
“She said, ‘Well, when you’re in a relationship, you’re supposed to share, especially when they’re a guest… Maybe I’ll just go home since you don’t want to share.'”
“I said fine and she left.”
The OP was confused after that.
“I mean, it’s just toothpaste, but at the same time, she doesn’t need it and just wanted to try it for absolutely no reason.”
“Maybe I was being weird instead of just letting her use it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some simply stated it was a prescription, so no further conversation was needed.
“I’m thinking she wants the general benefits of something expensive/prescription – something that works better and makes her teeth healthier and more white.”
“So she feels entitled to OP’s stuff.”
“Big difference though, it’s a prescription-based thing. No need to take it. She needs to tone it down and accept the ‘no’.” – ToastAbrikoos
“Within a relationship, you should value the things that are important to your partner… my BF has some special teas he imports, and when he first offered me a box I refused, because I didn’t want to deprive him of this thing he likes that’s difficult to get.”
“When you realize this is a prescription medication in addition to the extra cost and hassle to acquire, it just becomes absolute WTFery.” – ketita
“It‘s so… odd to me how she just really wants to use what he needs. That toothpaste isn‘t some special insta-white-shiny magic stuff, it‘s just tailored to OPs specific needs.”
“I‘d bet she would not enjoy sharing her super-expensive face cream or when OP asked to share her, I don’t know, birth control pills or whatevs, that‘s also s**t specifically prescribed to her needs.” – SenpaiRanjid
Others were surprised by how entitled the girlfriend acted to the OP’s things.
“NTA. If there were no other toothpaste, then of course it would have been a problem, but you had toothpaste for her as a guest. She was the one being unreasonable.”
“Honestly, even in the closest of relationships, you don’t have to share everything. Especially on demand, or prescriptions (does she want other people’s prescription lotions, pills, knee braces?), or very expensive things that could run out before you’re able to get it again.”
“She showed you who she is about the ‘small stuff’; that’ how she is.” – Tangerine_Bouquet
“What bugs me is her entitlement to OP’s things. Yes, you are in a relationship and yes to sharing but if the other person says no, it’s a f**king NO.”
“God, I hate people who insist on taking or using other people’s stuff after being told no and use that ‘sharing’ excuse. Like dude, p**s off and leave my toothpaste alone.”
“Boundaries people, get to know them.”
“NTA OP, sit with her and explain while you are BF/GF and has no issue sharing but a No is still a No and if she cannot respect this, then she is not the one for you.” – chandrachur3
“It’s also a crapload of red flags that she’s basically saying that if you’re with her, and she wants it, and you say no, somehow you’re the bad guy… even when it’s literally something medicated prescribed directly to you!”
“I would seriously consider what other avenues this attitude of hers may extend to in the future and how she may whip out this type of talk and threat to ‘take away’ (it’s a literal manipulation method called the takeaway method) in the future.”
“NTA” – HarnessMeDesignsOUB
While even the OP thought this argument was silly and should have been avoidable, the subReddit insisted it was about more than just toothpaste.
The girlfriend was already pushing to be able to take ownership of everything her boyfriend had, as some people are prone to do, but worse, she was arguing with the OP over a prescription medication that she had not been cleared to use.
There’s a lot more going on beneath that interest in trying out a toothpaste.