Weddings are a day many young girls dream of.
For Redditor Humble-Intention3425, their wedding turned into a nightmare.
Now it’s time for the Original Poster’s (OP’s) sister to get married, and the nightmare that she lived a few years ago came up as an insensitive joke.
This led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for backing out of paying for my sister’s wedding dress over a “joke” she made?”
She went on to tell her story.
“I had an incident on my wedding day back in 2017, where my former fiance abandoned me and ran away with his pregnant mistress.”
“That image, those details are forever engraved on my mind and I’ll never forget how I felt that day.”
“This was truly a turning point in my life. My family have always been there for me so I kept close to them.”
“My younger sister is currently engaged and her wedding will be in few months. She’s struggling with money so I decided to help her and her fiance and pay the wedding dress.”
“This allowed her to be able to buy her dream wedding gown that costs 7,000 ($). It’s a lot for a dress but she literally cried because she wanted it.”
“(This happened few days before we agreed to go buy the dress).”
“We were eating dinner at my parents home and my cousin and aunt were there.”
“My aunt was asking my sister about the wedding and my sister said that everything was going according to plan and then casually laughed and said ‘let’s just hope he won’t ran away with a pregnant mistress or something in our wedding day..’.”
“I was blown away completely. She laughed and aunt laughed too as if this was a joke. She was basically mocking what happened with me in my wedding.”
“It happened so fast I got up and started screaming at her calling her an idiot but my parents asked me to take it easy and she said it was a joke and she didn’t “think” I’d react so intensely.”
“My aunt remained seated and my cousin asked me to calm down and drink some water but I grabbed my stuff and as I was getting ready, I told my sister she was getting 0 dollars for her dream wedding dress then I walked out.”
“I heard louder commotion as I walked and my dad and cousin followed me outside trying to talk but I asked to be left alone.”
“My and dad spoke to saying I was too harsh on my sister over a joke and said that I know this is how she is with her dark sense of humor.”
“They said she’s been crying after I decided to back out of helping her and said this’d ruin her wedding.”
“They want me to reconsider my decision since it might damage my relationship with my sister but I refused.”
“Did I overreact?”
“Info: it’s my aunt that would usually bring up what happened from time to time and say stuff like ‘if what happened didn’t happen you would’ve had at least 2 kids now’ or ‘do you know what day it is? your wedding anniversary!’”
“It’s harsh but she stopped doing it anymore. Maybe my sister is being influenced by her but still. It hurt the same and more coming from my own sister.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘This is how she is with her dark sense of humor.’”
“‘Well, this is how I am with her dark sense of humor.’”
“Serious lack of self-awareness and simple respect from this sister. Charged remarks come with charged consequences.”
“NTA.” – alfranex
“Let’s all joke about someone’s trauma and then get mad at them when they react exactly how you’d expect someone with trauma to react.”
“NTA” – Previous_Owl_2559
“This is what kills me. Anyone saying E S H or Y T A clearly doesn’t understand how life-altering that moment was for OP.”
“Her entire world crumbled in that moment. That’s not something you get over, ever. It’s not something up for jokes. Ever. NTA” – No_Hippo_1472
“She was crying over a dress. She should have been crying with remorse for how she hurt you.”
“NTA. All she cares about is “HER DAY and HER DRESS” and YOUR wallet. Tell her to pound sand and if anyone in your family gives you sh*t, tell them the same.”
“Tell them that in 10 years, IF she’s matured and can sincerely apologize, you MIGHT forgive her, and you MIGHT consider a nice anniversary gift. If the marriage lasts that long.” – 5footfilly
“NTA”
“I wish I had a dollar for every time I saw “you know how he/she/they is/are” on the sub.”
“It’s just the same as saying ‘yea we know what they did was wrong, but they don’t listen to us, so we’re going to try to guilt you into fixing this.’”
“You were under no obligation to pay for your sister’s extremely expensive dress. It was a wonderful act of kindness.”
“As thanks, your sister threw the most traumatic experience of your life in your face and laughed about it.”
“7k can buy a pretty amazing holiday OP. You definitely deserve it, just sayin.” – HammerOn57
“NTA.”
“You don’t make a joke at the expense of someone who is paying an obscene amount of money for your wedding gown and then still expect them to fork over the money for you.” – WaywardMarauder
“NTA. I’m tired of people using other’s trauma as a source of humor. It’s not funny to the person it happened to.”
“If she genuinely is remorseful then maybe you might feel differently about the dress. “Oh no…now I can’t have my dream dress” “Oh no…the wedding is ruined” isn’t sounding that way.” – Savings-Bison-512
“NTA – She’s only upset because you backed out of helping her, not because she upset you.” – No_Bodybuilder8055
“NTA why are her feelings more important than yours? She made a joke out of your pain. That’s not funny.”
“Tell your parents they can pay for her dress since they don’t mind her sense of humor.” – Bonnm42
“My advice for those who engage with dark humour: if the person who was hurt by whatever you are joking about hasn’t started cracking jokes about it first, you should keep your joke to yourself.”
“NTA” – DarkestDanielle
“NTA. Your sister damaged the relationship when she cruelly mocked you. That wasn’t dark humor. That was a direct dig at you.”
“The person who was helping her pay for an expensive wedding dress.” – Straysmom
“NTA at all. The whole “dark humour” excuse is so tired.”
“Not even sure why your sister would risk upsetting you knowing her getting her dream dress depended on you putting in some money for it.”
“What she said was rude and hurtful and she should apologise. Kmt — Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” – kwipel
“NTA.”
“But more importantly, I am worried for you. Your reaction demonstrates that the wounds are still real for you after 5 years.”
“How are you coping, and is the wedding of your sister bringing up more emotion for you?”
“I really think you ought to use that $7k for something other than your sister’s dress. Use it on a vacation or two – go with a group, not your family, to a new place.”
“You will meet people and get out of your current bubble.”
“You can apologize for blowing up at your sister. Let her know how hurtful the comments are and why.”
“Decide if you are ok attending the wedding, and if so, go as a guest, with a gift like everyone else.” – No-Anything-4440
“Making a joke out of one of the most traumatic events of your life?! Nta. Only you can make those jokes on your terms.”
“Walk away from the situation until you can deal with it. Also, $7,000 for a dress? Pfft. No.” – Mundane_Bike_912
“NTA. I would accept a heartfelt apology but not pay for the dress. $7,000 for a wedding dress is insane, and the fact that her entire wedding would be ruined is ridiculous.” – 8512764EA
“NTA, no one needs to take a dig at you to make a joke at your expense when you’re trying to make their day ideal for them.”
“She will be fine with another dress within her budget like everyone else does, she was lucky to have you offer to help, but I’d back out.”
“She should apologize. She should understand it’s a sensitive subject and probably that it’s also a sensitive time for you as you are preparing for someone else’s wedding.”
“If she can’t grasp that, that’s on her.” – Photofan89
“NTA”
“You were made the butt of an insult. Your sister is mean. Your aunt sucks. Your family is pretty trash for enabling your sister.” – Blas_Wiggans
“NTA That “joke” was very misplaced. She has only herself to blame for taking her dream dress away.”
“If this is a one off and she apologizes, I hope you’ll be able to mend the relationship. Yet you’re not at fault for your response.” – Grand-Chemistry-7469
The only person who gets to joke about trauma is the person who experienced it.