When entering a new relationship, one of the biggest hurdles anyone must jump is how well you get along with your new partner’s friends.
No matter how in love you are with your new partner, there is no guarantee you will feel the same way about their friends, possibly looking for any excuse not to spend time with them.
Conversely, there is no guarantee those friends will like you either, and in their protective nature, they may find themselves looking for ways to break you up.
Redditor Weird_Attention_6183 was faced with some fairly shocking allegations by the friends of her new boyfriend.
When the original poster (OP) proved there was no truth to these allegations, all was not entirely forgiven.
So much so, that the OP was less than eager to ever spend time with these friends again, unless one particular condition was met.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to meet my bfs friends unless they apologize to me?”
The OP explained why she was in no rush to meet her boyfriend’s friends in person any time soon.
“A couple of weeks ago, my (24 F[emale]) boyfriend (bf)’s (27 M[ale]) friends found a Tinder account with my pictures on it and matched with it.”
“I have not met my bfs friends yet but they know what I look like because my bf showed them pictures.”
“They showed my bf the account and my bf called me immediately to tell me about it.”
“I haven’t used tinder in over a year and tinder is supposed to delete inactive accounts after 7 days, so i knew it wasn’t mine.”
“His friend also messaged with the account that weekend but I was with my bf watching a movie at that exact time so my bf didn’t really believe the account was mine either.”
“But his friends weren’t convinced that I wasn’t cheating.”
“I could hear them yelling things through the phone like ‘Make that b*tch prove herself!’, ‘You’re gf is a wh*re!’ along with other really degrading names.”
“My bf told them to shut up as I was on the verge of tears.”
“I went on FaceTime w all of them while the friend messaged the account.”
“They made me show my hands and my phone on the video call the whole time.”
“The catfisher messaged back, and I was proven innocent.”
“None of them apologized to me.”
“They only apologized to my bf which felt even more disrespectful.”
“Apparently, those friends are hosting a party this weekend, and my bf wants me to meet the group for the first time.”
“But I don’t want anything to do with them until they apologize to me for calling me names.”
“My bf understands but also says that it would mean a lot if I could at least give his friends another chance since they were actually just doing their best to support him since he has been cheated on in the past.”
“AITA if I refused?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to meet her boyfriend’s friends until they apologized.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right to demand an apology from her boyfriend’s friends after their behavior, with many wondering why her boyfriend was even friends with them, to begin with, or why he didn’t do more to defend her.
“NTA stand your ground.”
“You humored them and went so far to prove you were innocent. The least they can do is apologize.”
“Red flag that your BF doesn’t think they owe you an apology.”- ChocolateChouxCream
“At the time the group apologized to your bf, then your bf in turn should have said no, you owe my GF an apology!!!!!!”- Glad_Performer_7531
“If my ‘friends’ did that to my girlfriend, they are no longer my friends.”
“I understand being worried your friend may be getting cheated on but instantly jumping to conclusions and then not apologizing afterward.”
“They’re bad friends.”- Inner_Chemistry6346
“Why does your boyfriend have such disgusting friends?”
“Sounds like a really uncomfortable situation you’d be entering into.”
“You have to decide if you want to give them a chance to apologize in person or stand your ground and only go if they apologize first.”
“But that might cause issues too if they see you as a problem.”
“LET ME BE CLEAR, they are most definitely massive a**holes, but if you want to stay with your bf and keep the peace, you gotta figure out what you’re comfortable with.”
“And no matter what, they owe you that apology the next time they see you or your bf needs to put them in line.”- tes178
“‘Make that b*tch prove herself’???”
“No, they wanted him to prove himself to THEM.”
“Your bf says he trusts you, and they try to convince him otherwise while calling you dehumanizing names.”
“I can’t believe your bf is still friends with these walking sh*t piles, or that he agreed to subject you to all of that.”- corner_tv
“NTA but why is your boyfriend still friends with these people after they humiliated you like that?”-Crafty_Dog_4674
“He made you prove yourself to him and his friends on FaceTime.”
“People you’ve never met who called you a who*re.”
“Your boyfriend cares more about his friends than you.”
“Your boyfriend is showing you who he is. Believe him.”
“NTA what the actual F!?! “
“You are not teenagers.”
“Why are all of his friends making up fake Tinder, and then trying to break you up?”
“Why did they feel so comfortable being completely misogynistic to you?”
“Why did your boyfriend not support you or shut down his friends?”
“You literally had to SHOW YOUR HANDS!?!”
“Is this the kind of partner you desire?”
“Someone who would let his own insecurities put you in such a situation?”
“You will always be on the defensive with him and his friends.”
“This entire thing is a forest of red flags.”- wayward_painter
“Even if you get an apology you shouldn’t have anything to do with them.”
“It wouldn’t be sincere and they sound like awful people.”
“What kinds of people behave like that?”
“Those kinds of people.”- diminishingpatience
“One of them definitely is the one with the account.”
“Your BF is also an a**hole.”- Encartrus
“Well, I think you know the answer to this one.”
“Never, ever, under any circumstances should you break bread with these appalling people.”
“If your bf wants to continue being friends with them, you can’t stop him, but you should treat it as a major red flag.”
“But be wary of your boyfriend too.”
“Birds of a feather.”- ButterflyDestiny
“They should definitely apologize and it’s a major red flag that your bf doesn’t see a problem and isn’t making them.”
“I wouldn’t want to meet those people after something so degrading.”- lunavoyd
“So many red flags!”
“I had to legit scroll up to make sure we were talking about adults and not middle schoolers.”
“Why is your boyfriend friends with such disgusting and disrespectful guys?”
“Why would he feed into their BS and even calm you in the first place.”
“He knew where exactly you were when the person responded.”
“That should have immediately switched their focus to Let’s report this fake account instead of Let’s kill the witch.”
“You shouldn’t have to prove yourself, and you should examine your relationship for other red flags.”-Leahthevagabond
“Oh hell no!”
“His friends should have given you a chance, and they should at least apologize to you!”
“They were right to be suspicious but wrong to insult you!”
“They can apologise to you by phone, invite you personally to the party and apologize irl there.”
“They have to do the work. That’s their responsibility.”- CuteHoodie
“Omg this sounds really horrible I’m so sorry.”
“Also ur bf is kind of an @ss and his friends are really reallyyyyy sh*tty and misogynistic people, stand your ground and whatever happens, happens.”
“Please know that you have every right to feel violated. This really sucks.”- wedontknoweachother_
“Your BF is almost 30 freaking years old and allowed his friends to pull some high school shit of making you ‘prove’ yourself on FaceTime.”
“He is not mature enough for an adult relationship.”
“I understand why you participated in it, but now these people know they can come in and interfere with your relationship, and your BF will make you ‘prov'” yourself every time to keep the peace.”
“An apology from them is meaningless because they won’t actually be remorseful.”
“And they will continue to do whatever they can to get in the middle of your relationship.”
“I’m not one for ending relationships over any little thing or disagreement, but your man didn’t have your back.”
“He allowed his friends to degrade you and then made you prove yourself to them instead of telling them to shut their mouths and that he trusted you.”
“This will not be the last time as long as he continues to associate with these people.”
“There will always be another thing you have to prove you did or did not do.”
“If that’s how you want to live your life, that’s your choice, but I think you should really think about it.”
“Idk if you want marriage and kids in the future, but this man has shown you that other people will always have control of the peace in your relationship and will be able to get between the two of you and you will have to be the one to defend yourself as they will automatically be believed over you.”-Efficient-Comfort-44
It’s understandable that the friends of the OP’s boyfriend would be protective of him and stand up for him.
To jump to such drastic conclusions without first talking with the OP, however, doesn’t speak well of their character at all.
Leaving one to wonder if it would be the worst thing if they never ended up apologizing, as then the OP would never have to see them again.
It doesn’t sound like she would mind at all.