Working parents raising a newborn is easy—said no one, ever.
Redditor Aggravating_Pop_3146 is a husband and a stay-at-home dad with a wife who goes into the office.
His true feelings about their home arrangement came out during an intense conversation while having lunch with his in-laws.
After causing drama, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, where he asked:
“AITA for getting mad at my wife for her ‘jokes’ about me not helping around the house or with our baby?“
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I both work. Only difference is she actually goes into the office and I’m still working from home.”
“We have a 10 month old daughter and I’ve been basically a stay at home dad on top of working my regular day job.”
“It was stressful as hell when my wife finished up her maternity leave but luckily my work is pretty flexible so I’m not usually super busy.”
“Most of the day, I’m replying to emails on my phone with my daughter in her carrier or taking conference calls while she’s napping.”
“I also do the cleaning around the house because I’m a total neat freak and order or cook dinner too if I have the time. Then in the evenings my wife takes over so I have some leisure time.”
“On Sunday we went to have lunch at her sisters house. First time we’ve all seen eachother in a while.”
“They ask us how life’s going with a new baby and my wife starts jokes about the house being a mess when she gets home and her having to clean it up because I’ve been too busy playing with our daughter all day to do it myself.”
“When her sister’s husband asked how I manage I admitted it does get overwhelming sometimes and my wife once again chimed in saying I call her constantly throughout the day over little things.”
“Like not being able to find our daughters binky or needing her help because daughter won’t stop crying and I have no idea what to do.”
“She also laughed about how everyday when she gets home she just prays I didn’t burn the house down. I know it was all said in a lighthearted joking around way, but it really hurt my feelings.”
“Everyone was chuckling except me, so my wife kissed me cheek telling not to take it too seriously and she appreciates that i put in the effort.”
S”o I straight up told her ‘well I don’t appreciate you acting like I’m useless when I’m the one at home taking care of her all day and cleaning the house.’”
“My wife didn’t know how to respond to that and we changed the subject. She was in a serious mood after we left because I ’embarrassed’ her and it wouldn’t have hurt for me to let her joke around a little because she knows I help out a lot.”
“I’ve been distant with her, not talking much when she gets home and she’s mad at me for taking it too seriously. Even her sister says I’m overreacting but I just don’t see why she thought it was okay to paint me as the cliche useless man-child husband.”
“Now I have my wife saying I’m being a bit of an a** for still holding this against her and she doesn’t see why it’s a big deal to me.”
“Part of me just feels hurt and I’d like an apology, but another part wonders if I am being an a** for how I’m acting with her.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole.
“NTA but your wife sure is. She’s undermining your efforts! You’re doing your best man, and it’s only a joke if it’s funny to both parties. Otherwise it’s just being mean. Your wife need take a second and wonder why she’s embarrassed.”
“Here’s the answer. Because she knows you told the truth and she’s embarrassed you called her out instead of going along with her ‘jokes’ that makes her look like the better parent.”
“You keep doing what you’re doing, and make sure to have a serious talk with her when tempers are a little calmer, alright? You sound like a good dad, btw.” – Far-Bug8226
“Also I really don’t understand this. Do you know how happy I’d be to have a husband in the future who takes care of the house and the kid while I work?”
“I’d sing his praises and tell everyone how glad I am that he is pulling his weight in the relationship. What does she get from painting her partner as the bad guy in front of family (and possibly friends in the future if the keeps it up).”
“OP definitely NTA, she shouldn’t joke about this.” – psatz
“I think NTA, but let’s try and understand why she did this. $100 bucks says that she is self conscious about being away all day and not being the popularised ‘overworked supermom’.”
“She wants to feel important, she wants people to see that she’s living up to society’s expectation of her, sadly that is coming at the expense of OP. It’s a bit crap , but that’s my two cents.” – overpaid_overworked
“NTA. Put it this way, if the situation was flipped, and you were the ‘salary man’ and your wife was a SAHM, how would those comments go down in front of her family? Would they still find it funny that you’re implying that the mother of your child was useless at home?”
“If it’s not funny in reverse, it’s not funny.”
“She needs to apologise for undermining you then you guys can move forward.” – jadez7789
“That’s the thing that really blew my mind. He’s raising a kid and keeping the house together, while trying to work – that’s not “helping out”, that’s really taking several for the team.” – Appeltaart232
“Husband definitely NTA. No excuse for her behavior, but a reason might be that she feels like ‘less than’ because she has to leave the house all day while hubby gets all the face time with baby.”
“They need to communicate and she needs to apologize because if the tables were turned, he’d be getting vilified right now.” – michmark95
Overall, Redditors thought her joking about her husband to elevate her perception as a parent was not a laughing matter.
Hopefully, the couple will come to an understanding of each other through communicating, as they are both on the same team.