Divorce is rarely an easy road.
It can be especially bumpy when there is a ton of animus between the adults.
And once it’s time to figure out the financials… all hell can break loose.
Who is owed what and why can cause bitter contention for decades to come.
This is why mediators are paid so handsomely.
Redditor Mean-Description7970 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for working less after my divorce even though it means my ex gets less child support?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For the last ten years, I have been working my a** off to earn money so my family could enjoy an excellent standard of living.”
“This was apparently the wrong thing to do since it led to my wife to deciding that since I was never home she should have sex with other dudes.”
“When I work out of town, I earn about $240,000 a year.”
“Where I live, child support for two kids is about $3,300 monthly; with that salary.”
“Since my divorce, I went to 50/50 custody, and I work in town, so I only earn $100,000 yearly.”
“So my child support is actually only $800 a month.”
“My ex is going nuts because she isn’t getting what she thought she would.”
“My lawyer has tried explaining that child support is based on income and since I am not working crazy hours to make lots of money for vacations and a huge house I don’t need I do not earn as much.”
“She is telling everyone what an a**hole I am for cutting back on my work to deprive my kids.”
“That is bulls**t.”
“I have my kids half the time.”
“And since I cannot be out of town, I earn less.”
“My kids have everything they need.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You’re cutting your hours to be there for 50/50 custody, and because it’s 50/50, you don’t need the extravagant lifestyle choices.”
“You cut back hours to be there for your kids more and live a more normal standard of living.”
“NTA. If you would’ve said you cut your hours strictly to avoid C[hild] S[upport] then YWBTA.”
“But be forewarned.”
“She could appeal it and go back to court and get a ruling on ‘assumed income’ and tell them you cut your hours to avoid paying.”
“So watch what you post and how you phrase it completely.” ~ CatchMeIfYouCan09
“A partner never being around can do real damage to a relationship.”
“Maybe he should have been working less overtime to begin with rather than deciding that money and fancy stuff were all his family needed from him.”
“But if he’s discovered that being home and seeing a lot more of his kids is a good thing and actually does that, NTA.”
“The kids, and eventually his ex, may like it better than the insane hours and all the material extras.”
“His ex, if he follows through, will at least benefit from not being 100% responsible for all child care.” ~ Ornery-Ad-4818
“You also have to physically be there 50% of the time for your kids and I assume that means pay for 50% of their upbringing anyway so it’s not like you actually have much of a choice.”
“You’re NTA at all.”
“Well done for choosing time with your kids over money.” ~ IllustriousAd1028
“This may come down to the opinion of a specific judge.”
“Some judges may say you have the POTENTIAL to make money at a certain level and apply support based on that.”
“Your reasoning is 100% logical, and with the right lawyer, you can win.”
“The ex of a close friend quit his job and went to work for the ‘family’ business to keep child support lower, and he won.”
“The ex of another friend actually got fired from his job, but the judge kept his child support at the same level because of the potential argument.”
“Good luck to you and your family!” ~ AnnaBanana1129
“NTA, your wife has to deal with the consequences of her actions.”
“Does your ex-wife work?”
“I feel that’s a stupid question.” ~ Ready-Replacement181
“NTA. She wanted you to be more present for your kids.”
“You are doing that.”
“I don’t understand why you have to pay child support at all if you have 50% custody.” ~ No_Lavishness_3206
“NTA. You are now home where you are needed and should be.”
“You have your kids half the time, which means they are in your life now.”
“Do not destroy your mental health and family time for her.”
“It’s not like you stopped working.”
“Are you in an area with a ridiculous cost of living?”
“What is her income?” ~ Fear_The_Rabbit
“NTA and pretty much par for the course.”
“The kids will be fine and with 50/50 it’s a blessing she’s getting anything (on top of 50% of your shared assets).”
“I wouldn’t believe posts like this are real if I hadn’t been through the same thing myself.”
“The number of women out there who think their ex-husband should hand over all their future income and live in a shoebox while funding lavish lifestyles is a lot larger than people think.”
“Thankfully (varies by state though) the law says otherwise.”
“And suppose for a moment you had made less money in the marriage in order to be more present at home, we all know she’d be banging other dudes because ‘her husband doesn’t provide for us.'”
“Can’t win.” ~ Noods4Jesus
“NTA. You’re cutting back to spend more time with your kids.”
“That’s pretty admirable.”
“Child support is for children… someone should remind every parent who is going through custody arrangements.” ~i ndicatprincess
“NTA. You worked your a** for a family.”
“Now you are an excellent father choosing to spend more time with kids than earn more money.”
“Your kids are lucky.”
“They have a father that prioritizes them instead of money.”
“That’s all kids really need.”
“As for ex going nuts, I’d say she can go f**k herself.” ~ REDDIT
“I think he sounds like he’s punishing his ex and trying to look good doing it.”
“If his family REALLY mattered to him he wouldn’t have ‘worked so hard for a big house’ etc.”
“He’s trying to get sympathy 🙄.” ~ Competitive_Dot_180
A deleted Redditor had a response to that remark…
“Disagree with you.”
“I worked my a** for a family as well trying to provide the best for them and guess what my ex cheated on me.”
“Lucky me, we had no mutual children, but still, divorce was messy.”
“Men and women see family a bit differently.”
“Men provide and make a secure, stable environment for women to raise kids and have no worries externally.”
“Everything within the house, she’s the Queen.”
“Once infidelity occurs, she’s out of the equation.”
“Kids, that’s what matters, and this guy, in my honest opinion, made all the right choices.”
“His kids are very lucky to have him.” ~ REDDIT
The conversation continued…
“NTA. Oh my God dude, I am so sorry that she still has hooks in you. “
“Do not feel bad.”
“As a child of parents that were never together, kids should never EVER be seen as a source of income.”
“They WILL feel that.”
“$800 a month is plenty.”
“She needs to step the f**k up and get a better job if she wants more money.”
“While you clearly didn’t meet the emotional needs of your wife, maybe she is now understanding that your sacrifice was exactly how you showed love.”
“Know that a family can be happy in a modest home with a good neighborhood.”
“Kids don’t need to know Dad can buy them the world.”
“They just need to know that you can show them the world and that home is in the heart.”
“There is no excuse for what she did.”
“Let her throw her tantrums. Document. Everything.” ~ OhDONCHAknoww
“NTA. Even if I thought this decision was based entirely on your desire to give her less child support.”
“Which for the record I could understand if it was, she put you in a position where you now have to be the primary caretaker of your children for larger periods of time.”
“You can’t work the same schedule you did before.” ~ Miserable_Ad_1747
“NTA. Your kids need you as a father more than they need you as an income earner.” ~ ItIsNotAManual1984
“NTA. You are actually spending more time with the kids.” ~ Mindless-Pangolin841
“Based on the title, I thought maybe you could be an AH.”
“But then I read your statement and want to applaud you.”
“It’s way more important to be present with your children.”
“What you spend your time on shows where your priorities lie.”
“If it bothers you about what your ex says about you, you do have recourse.”
“When someone says what she said, reply, ‘That’s funny, she really didn’t seem to care about the children when she slept with so and so, while we were married.”
“God bless her.'” ~Forward_Role5334
“The potential income is based on a 40-hour work week.”
“In the past, he had to do a lot of overtime but he was able to because his wife was able to care for the kids while he worked.”
“Now she divorced him, and they have 50/50 custody, so obviously he can’t pull those 20-30 hours of extra overtime anymore because he has to care for these kids during the hours he would have been working.”
“He can’t clone himself.”
“The guy didn’t change jobs just had to reduce his hours.” ~ trigurlSeattle
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. You are paying for your kids.
Now you have more time to spend with them as well.
Hopefully, you’re armed with a great attorney. Be vigilant and document everything.