It’s very difficult to say no when a friend or family member asks if they can stay with us, no matter the amount of time.
As we’d like to think that they would help us out, just as we are helping them out, should the tables be turned.
Of course, when we open our homes to others, it is not unreasonable to expect that our generosity is appreciated.
Should that turn out not to be the case, our inclination to be hospitable decreases significantly.
Redditor iwantmyhomeback1 was willing to welcome her brother and his wife into her home after her brother needed to relocate on short notice for a new job.
However, the original poster (OP) said that this was possible as long as certain conditions were met.
Unfortunately, the OP’s brother and his family had barely moved in before they ignored just about all of these conditions, leaving the OP to feel that there was only one thing to be done.
Worried that she may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting to kick out my brother and his family after they’ve been nightmare house guests?”
The OP explained why they eventually felt compelled to evict her brother and his family from her home:
“My brother ‘Ellis’ recently got a job in my city, that required an immediate start.”
“He didn’t have the time or money to find a place on such notice and his partner ‘Taylor’ just had a baby 7 months ago (so he didn’t want to leave her alone) so he asked if they could stay at my place for a couple of months to get situated.”
“Ellis is a responsible guy who doesn’t take advantage of people so I felt okay saying yes.”
“Ellis, Taylor, their 7mo baby, and Taylor’s daughter all moved in.”
“Before they came I made it CLEAR that I would not tolerate them doing any sleep training or ‘cry it out’ stuff with the baby.”
“If the baby cries you need to make an immediate and reasonable effort to soothe him.”
“The other rule was Taylor was responsible for any damage her daughter did in the house (you would think this would be obvious but we’ve had previous incidents).”
“The final rule was, neither I nor my husband would be doing ANY childcare.”
“I am a stay-at-home-mom (sahm) to my own daughter, as well as having a side business, and my husband works very hard, just because we are home, does not mean we are available to provide childcare.”
“I thought it went without saying that they would be responsible for themselves in all other ways.”
“They accepted all the conditions and moved in.”
“It took two weeks to go to sh*t.”
“There were times I’d have to get up in the night to wake Taylor and Ellis to get the baby.”
“Taylor’s daughter has also not adjusted well to the move and is constantly playing sick to avoid going to school.”
“Then, because she’s not really sick, she spends the day causing havoc.”
“Taylor has been bugging me to help her with the kids despite agreeing she wouldn’t.”
“She’s also been expecting that she and her kids would be cooked and cleaned for.”
“So it was two weeks until I was getting annoyed and a further two weeks on me being on the edge.”
“What tipped it over was earlier this week, I was picking my daughter up early from school and going out, and Taylor asked me to take her daughter with me.”
“She said she was drowning in things to do and the baby was fussing and she needed a break.”
“I said no, Taylor swore at me and I just left.”
“When we got back a few hours later, the first thing I hear is the baby crying.”
“I go into the nursery…no Taylor.”
“Her daughter is sitting on the couch watching tv and crying…no Taylor.”
“My kitchen is a mess…no Taylor.”
“I frantically search the whole house only to find Taylor locked in a closet.”
“She said she couldn’t take it and needed a break.”
“I called Ellis and tell him to get his a** home.”
“I sat them down and said they had to go.”
“I said I would chip in for a hotel but I can’t do this anymore.”
“Ellis thinks I’m being an ah going back on the deal, but he and Taylor haven’t held up their end.”
“I do feel bad because I don’t want to stress Ellis out with his new job but I am going crazy.”
“I hate being in my own home.”
“AITA for putting my foot down?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking her brother and his family out of her house.
Everyone agreed that the OP made it clear that while she was opening her home, she was not opening a childcare center, which her brother clearly ignored and was taking advantage of her generosity, with several people pointing out that Ellis was ignoring that Taylor’s behavior was cause for concern, and might need professional help.
“NTA.”
“They didn’t hold there end of the deal.”
“On the other hand your SIL has no other people to rely on, I feel for her but this gives her not the right to dump everything on you.”
“It would be your brother’s responsibility, regardless of the new job.”
“Wish you luck.”- ChapterPresent4773
“Sounds like Taylor has ppd.”
“But that’s not your problem.”
“Ellis needs to step up and support his family better.”
“NTA.”- Tezzarina
“NTA.”
“They are awful house guests.”
“But Taylor needs help if she is locking herself in the closet.”
“It sounds like she may have post partum depression.”- Dogmother123
“Nope.”
“NTA.”
“The fact that you had to call your brother to come deal with his family is evidence enough.”
“Do not pay for the hotel.”
“He has an income.”- OkSeat4312
“NTA, but your brother is.”
“It’s definitely PPD, and Taylor’s daughter’s behavior only speaks about it louder – she senses something very wrong and reacts as she can.”
“Your brother just hoped YOU would take everything wrong with his partner in your hands because he can not.”
“Taylor needs help asap, that kind of things can end up badly.”- Accomplished_Hand820
“Time for Ellis to step up and support Taylor and time for them all to move out.”
“No one should hate being in their own home.”
“Ellis and Taylor need their own home yesterday.”
“NTA.”- peonyhen
“NTA.”
“They didn’t follow the deal past the first 2 weeks, disrupting your family and your home.”
“Taylor obviously needs help, but that’s not your responsibility and you made it clear prior to them moving in.”
“Don’t feel a twinge of guilt.”
“You are going above and beyond by chipping in for a hotel.”
“They need to get an extended stay motel (he’s employed), and get on the stick about looking for a place of their own.”- BefuddledPolydactyls
However, a few did sympathize with Taylor and her condition a bit more, even if they still felt the OP was justified in asking Ellis and his family to leave.
“NAH.”
“It sounds like Taylor has PPD- hiding in a closet is extreme when leaving 2 small children unattended.”
“She’s tried asking for help but isn’t getting it from anyone.”
“Not up to OP, should be Ellis and/or other family, though it would be kind of OP to give some support as she is struggling so much.”
“I’m sure she also doesn’t want to live with OP, though I wonder if things were like this before the move too, and brother hoped OP would step in to help, despite her clearly expressing otherwise.”
“It may even be that the job change was a Trojan horse to dump the responsibility of his wife on OP (in which case he would be an a**hole).”
“Her daughter is also not an a**hole- she has been uprooted to live with OP and a new school.”
“I can also understand OP not wanting to do even more than she already has by letting them stay.”
“Are there any other relatives close by and/or can they afford daycare/ a babysitter to give her some relief?”
“Personally, I would be helping Taylor with her kids and wouldn’t throw them out when she and her daughter are mentally unwell/ unhappy so I do judge her somewhat for being heartless, but she did set expectations beforehand and I suspect brother sold her a pig in a poke.”- DazzleLove
The OP clearly wanted to help her brother get his life in order.
However, she was only willing to help do so to a certain extent, and rightfully drew a line, which Ellis decided to cross regardless.
Something he should have thought very carefully about doing, seeing as Taylor and her daughter might need more help than he or the OP are capable of giving.