When one is a guest in someone’s home, they should always be on their best behavior.
Likewise, when someone opens their home to guests, they should treat them with respect and gratitude.
With this in mind, both hosts and guests often find themselves biting their tongues at things they might disagree with or might have to do their best to stomach food they don’t like.
Of course, not everyone is quite as worried about being polite when hosting or being hosted.
Redditor shrimpchopper always enjoyed hosting their neighbors for dinner on a fairly regular basis.
However, their most recent dinner party proved to be a less happy occasion after one of the original poster (op)’s neighbors felt the need to criticize their cooking.
Not appreciating what they were being told, the OP decided to clap back at their neighbors, throwing a less-than-celebratory aspect of their lives back in their faces.
After being scolded by their partner for their behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor?”
The OP explained how a recent dinner with their neighbors ended up going sour:
“My best friend Layla (29 F[emale]) and her partner Ryan (40 M[ale]) were over for dinner this evening.”
“I enjoy cooking and tonight’s dish was a seafood pasta with garlic bread and a veggie side dish.”
“Having Layla and Ryan over for dinner is a semi frequent occurrence, but they typically don’t contribute anything to our meals.”
“The reasoning is 1.) they struggle financially and 2.) neither of them are very good at cooking.”
“IF they do bring something it’s usually drinks or a store bought side dish (potato salad, mac salad, chips, etc) but that is rare.”
“This has not ever really bothered me because hanging out is always a good time and I’m understanding of their financial situation and preference for not cooking.”
“My partner and I live very comfortably and can afford to feed guests for dinner every so often so it really has never been an issue until tonight.”
“I usually cut shrimp in half when I incorporate it into pasta because I feel like it mixes in better that way.”
“It’s just a personal preference.”
“I don’t claim to be a master chef.”
“I just like cooking, and that’s the way I’ve always done it.”
“Layla started getting on my case about not serving whole shrimp with the pasta.”
“It started out as lighthearted banter but quickly became extremely annoying.”
“Some of her comments included:”
“‘Feeling stingy tonight, huh?'”
“‘Hope I don’t get hungry again later!'”
“I’ve never seen pasta served with cut-up shrimp before.”
“I eventually got fed up and said something along the lines of, ‘Interesting take considering that I know you’ve never cooked shrimp ever in your life, and probably can’t afford to either’.”
“‘You don’t work, Ryan doesn’t have a real job….you guys come over here for free food and complain about it?'”
“‘Nah. I’m done’.”
“It was word vomit…followed by a very awkward silence.”
“They left shortly after that.”
“I texted Layla an hour later and apologized for what I said.”
“She apologized as well but honestly I’m still mad.”
“I’m starting to feel like they’re free loaders and it just feels icky knowing that they come over here and eat well pretty often and my partner and I never get anything in return.”
“I know that we’re in different financial situations but there are ways to make an effort without spending a lot of money.”
“Layla suggested we do dinner again next week, assuming we were all good after we both apologized.”
“I responded and basically said “’I’ll pass on that’.”
“She hit me back with, ‘So are we too poor for you now?'”
“And I just said, ‘Yep’.”
“It’s obviously not entirely that.”
“But the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth, and now I don’t even want to talk to her.”
“My partner thinks I’m being harsh, but I don’t know.”
‘I feel used and I don’t like that.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
No one came off looking particularly good to the Reddit community.
Most agreed that Layla was way out of line in her criticisms of the OP’s cooking, but also felt the OP went way too far in bringing attention to her poor financial situation, particularly telling her she was “too poor for them.”
“ESH.”
“Your friend was being incredibly rude, but you immediately made it incredibly personal and basically let her know you’ve been looking down on her the whole time.”
“Then doubled down on the ‘you’re poor” thing instead of just saying you don’t care for her behavior and don’t want to see her any more.”
“That’s completely classless.”
“Nobody was making you cook for them and it’s clear you don’t like them much, so I don’t get why you didn’t just shut down the dinner when she was being a brat by saying her comments made you disinterested in entertaining anymore and then just not ever invite them again.”- SplendidDogFeet
“ESH, you’re not wrong for getting mad at them being critical of the food you’re making, but you f**ked up by making it all about them being poor in your response.”
“Better to just go with a more general ‘well feel free not to eat it, then’.”- Sea_Mycologist4936
“ESH.”
“She made obnoxious comments about your cooking, but you attacked her financial situation.”
“‘You can’t even afford shrimp’.”
“Frankly, I think you’re the worse one.”
“You didn’t call her out for being impolite about her comments.”
“You just went ‘f*ck you; you’re poor.'”
“You’re both better off without each other.”- sati_lotus
“She was rude.”
“You were worse.”
“Insulting someone’s entire life is worse than insulting their shrimp.”
“ESH, but mostly you.”
“You dramatically escalated this.”
“And she’s not your friend anymore.”- annang
“Layla isn’t your friend. She’s just someone in your life who makes you feel superior.”
“Congrats, you’re better off financially than her and can cook.”
“You’re still an a**hole and Layla sucks too, I see why y’all hang out together.”
“ESH.”- MariaChequita
“ESH.”
“Her, for being unnecessarily rude.”
“You, for being classless with your response.”
“You really didn’t have to make it about their affordability.”
“Twice.”
“That was below the belt especially when she did apologize and so did you but without expressing how you felt about it actually.”- PreoccupiedMind
“ESH.”
“Are they wrong for the things said?”
“Yes, absolutely, that was just absolutely rude.”
“However, they may not realize just how one sided things have become over the years, it’s easy to fall into habits and not think about how much extra one is taking.”
“It doesn’t make it OK, but they can’t read minds.”
“If you are feeling used or put out, it is on you to say so.”
“But in this case, you used a flamethrower to get rid of a gnat.”
“And trust me, fly paper is SO much better.”
“To attack their social/financial status rather than discuss the actions that upset you?”
“Really?”
“That’s the hill you want to die on?”
“Everything you are feeling is valid; to attack them for being financially strained, however, just makes you sound classist…. which is classless.”- RoxasofsorrowXIII
“ESH.”
“It is a humiliating and embarrassing feeling when someone shames you for being poor. A ‘friend’ did that to me once, and I never looked at him the same again.”
“She insulted your shrimp; you made a f*cked up value judgment on her entire life.”
“Being poor is not something to use as an insult. Being poor doesn’t make you a bad or lesser person.”
“She was rude, but that has nothing to do with being poor!”
“You revealed that you viewed her as lesser and a freeloader.”- whatfreshhells
Others, however, felt the OP was the clear a**hole, as she chose to escalate the situation rather than take the high road.
“YTA.”
“You have all the power in the situation.”
“Did your friend act crappy, sure.”
“You slammed their entire lives over shrimp.”
“Then you doubled down and said they were too poor.”
“If you enjoy cooking, you do it so people eat.”
“Worrying about their contributions is petty.”
“You were happy when you were on your pedestal feeding the poor but got upset at one dinner.”
“Try volunteering at a soup kitchen and get some perspective.”
“I don’t disagree with others saying ESH.”
“I just think when you’re in the position OP is in, you can be a graceful winner.”
“OP doesn’t say or seem to those meals were keeping them from going hungry that night.”
“It is harder to be graceful when you’re poor and hungry.”
“It is much easier to take a slight over your cooking and be graceful.”
“Money doesn’t buy class.”- BostonianPastability
“Your friend was rude, but you were downright nasty.”
“YTA.”- Bartok_The_Batty
It seems like both the OP and Layla could use a refresher course on good manners.
Even so, however impolite and ungrateful Layla was about the OP’s cooking, mocking her financial situation seemed an unnecessarily low blow.
One hopes the OP meant what she said in never wanting to talk to Layla again because chances are, Layla feels the same way.