Redditor Immediate-Pen8104 is a 21-year-old gay male who grew up in a strict Christian household.
He recently visited his hometown and ran into the leader of a church group he used to be a part of.
When they caught up over coffee, some of the things brought up by his friend were not very pleasant—and it had everything to do with what his parents were saying about him.
After confronting his religious folks about his earlier conversation with the friend, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for exposing my parents lies and damaging their reputation?”
The Original Poster (OP) provided context by talking more about his parents and their need to keep up with appearances.
“I (21M) have a strained relationship with my parents. They are involved in pretty much every social event/circle in our city be it church, school, clubs etc.”
“For them, what over people think is the most important thing. For that, they will lie about pretty much any ‘bad’ thing that could potentially tarnish their standing and have forced my sister (24 F[emale]) and I to behave in certain ways or follow specific rules.”
“Some examples:”
“My sister and I were not allowed to play with certain kids in our school or neighbourhood because their parents were in trade rather than academics. My parents forced me to stop talking to a really close friend in middle school because his parents got divorced.”
“When I got caught smoking in high school, my parents made up a ‘distant uncle’ with drug problems and told everyone he influenced me.”
“My sister came home one day introducing her Spanish boyfriend to my parents. They didn’t like that so they told everyone the boyfriend is an exchange student that we are housing.”
“My mother once made up a bunch of stuff about a neighbouring couple, stuff like ‘her husband is cheating’ ‘she does porn to pay the bills’. Of course she always claims to have heard it from someone else, who heard it from someone else etc…”
“I could list plenty more but text limit.”
“Now recently I was near my hometown visiting a friend and I ran into the leader of a church group I was part of.”
“I was pretty engaged in that group so we sat down for a coffee and talked about the good old times. He asked be about my studies and how my fiance is doing.”
“I was confused and told him I’m not studying and don’t have a fiancée. Turns out my parents made up a bunch of lies to cover the fact that I decided to go for an apprenticeship and turned out to be gay.”
“One thing led to another and together we went over a lot of incidences and stories from the past, with me exposing more and more lies.”
“The results could be seen a few days later, my parents called me very angrily asking me ‘how could I do this to them’ ‘You ruined our lives’ ‘We can never talk to the neighbours again.'”
“I told them their entire reputation is build on lies and spreading rumors, that it is disgusting they even call themselves christians at this point and that I’m done being part of their little scheme.”
“My sister later called me after mom called her in tears. She is torn, on one side she gets me (as already gone minimal contact with my parents) on the other hand it solved nothing but hurt my parents.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many of the Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. That pile of lies was just waiting to fall part. You can only invent a certain amount of bullsh*t before you get caught when someone goes ‘What? No.'”
“They only have themselves to blame for building their castle on sand.” – hkf999
“Yeah, how the heck did they think she would be able (or want) to keep up this deception if no one told her what her ‘fantastic’ new life was.”
“As someone from a small town it’s just absurd that they thought this wouldn’t happen. Everyone talks, especially if someone comes home for a visit, they will want to know about everything!”
“NTA.” – purplekatblue
“If you have to lie to have a good reputation, you don’t have one. They deserve it.” – el_deedee
“Honestly, pretending you are not gay and demeaning your career choices is a horrible thing to do for their child.”
“It shows very much how little they respect you, so I don’t see a problem if you don’t want to keep up with the lies – especially with lies regarding yourself.” – Shunima
“Small town kid who fled to city? NTA. They’re being cruel to people, tarnishing their reputation, lying constantly. Eventually this catches up with people.”
“If not you someone else. Sister is possibly used to covering to survive and hasn’t considered that she doesn’t have to. You didn’t lie. That’s a them problem.” – FirebirdWriter
“OP’s parents have hurt other people with their gossip, and hurt others including their children because others weren’t good enough.”
“For OP to continue to stay silent is extending the lies that the parents started. Theses were not just a few, but tremendous amounts and huge hurtful lies. That takes a lot of energy to help continue the lies.”
“The parents have no integrity, no conscious, are selfish and manipulative. They think they are better than others, very narcissistic, and sound racist. For a person to hold all of the lies of someone else in, it will eat at your conscience and the fabric of your soul.”
“The stress the parents put OP through with their rules, lies to look perfect would negatively effect OP. I can’t imagine trying to live with it. Good for you OP. These people deserve to be exposed after making children follow their lies and rules. NTA” – Feeling-Fab-U-Lus
“NTA. Your parents exposed themselves. Also, as an FYI, your parents are what my people would call ‘fake Christians.'”
“They care more about the front they put up than about following God’s commands. My people believe that all lies will be exposed in time, no matter how well you try to cover them up, as lies can only be covered up by more lies. Don’t want to be caught in a lie? Tell the truth.” – Kiruna235
Overall, Redditors agreed the OP’s parents had it coming after spreading their gossip and lies about their community and their own son.