Who doesn't love a home-cooked meal?
Well, maybe people who absolutely hate to cook, and either go out or order in for all their meals.
Of course, doing so will eventually become prohibitively costly, sometimes necessitating eating in.
What not everyone tends to acknowledge is that eating in can also end up being costly itself.
The husband of Redditor unfortunatelyalive7 wanted to ease up on their spending, prompting him to ask the original poster (OP) to cook more.
While the OP was happy to do so, she was less happy to do so under her husband's more specific instructions.
As they didn't really end up saving them money at all.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for telling my husband he needs to eat leftovers?"
The OP explained why she was growing increasingly frustrated cooking for her husband:
"My (31 F[emale]) husband (35 M[ale]) won't eat leftovers."
"He says they 'don't taste right'."
"We've been together for 13 years, and he's never cooked a meal."
"Neither of us likes cooking."
"We've had a lot of takeout, but money is tight, so he asked if I can cook more again."
"I said sure, no problem, I'll cook a few larger meals and set aside portions to eat throughout the week."
"He's insisting that he won't eat leftovers and that most people 'don't cook like that unless they're trying to lose weight'."
"My problem is that it's hard (and expensive) to cook the exact amount for 2 people every day."
"I just want to be able to meal plan in a way that makes sense financially and is less stressful for someone who doesn't like cooking."
"FYI, I don't mind that I'm the one cooking and cleaning, as he works FT and I'm PT, so that isn't the issue."
"He's just making me feel like I'm crazy for asking him to eat leftovers, and idk what to think."
"I definitely grew up eating leftovers often, and I'm not trying to cook 1-2 individual meals per day."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP Fell in this particular situation, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to be frustrated with her husband.
The Reddit community was just as perplexed as the OP was by her husband's logic, agreeing that by refusing to eat leftovers, he was missing the point of eating at home:
"You probably shouldn't be taking cooking advice from a grown man incapable of feeding himself."-Ok-Eye1638
"It's called meal prep and done for efficiency( time) reasons by loads of people."
"Just do it, feed it to him, and tell him later."
"Btw: Especially stews get better when heated up."- CyclesSmiles
"NTA."
"Tell him if he doesn't want leftovers, he can make his own dinner."- MistressJacklynHyde
"Yeah he is weird, it sounds more like he is trying to flex his authority and power over you."
"I've never heard of anyone having problems with leftovers."
"NTA."
"Offer leftovers, I guess, and if he doesn't like it, point to the kitchen."
"But it sounds like he needs some therapy about healthy relationships if this is even a problem."-Ergo_Meridian
"He gets to have opinions about the quantity and frequency of cooking meals when he's the one doing it."
"NTA."
"For the record, OP's husband, lots of people cook like that."
"You can cook 21 meals a week individually if you don't like leftovers."
"If you're privileged to be well fed off of someone else's labor, the only correct response is 'thank you'."- SummitJunkie7
"Tell him to get f*cked."
"I'd stop cooking for him at all."
"A grown man can make his own food if he's gonna whine about leftovers."
"NTA."- EnvironmentEntire201
"I'm sorry, but who DOESN'T eat leftovers?"
"It's totally normal to cook a meal and eat leftovers."
"Or even cook at the start of the week and portion out."
"And no, that didn't have anything to do with losing weight, it's just waaaaaay more cost-effective and less time-consuming."- GroundbreakingTop379
"'Then you get to starve. Leftovers won't kill you. If that's a problem, you can cook your own food."
"NTA."
"Stick to your guns and let him starve."- Formal-Radish1413
"He has no idea what he's talking about."
"I've always eaten leftovers."
"Almost everyone I know well eats them, and none of us are 'diet' people."
"Eating leftovers is absolutely normal."
"It's practical and saves so much time!"
"It's wild to me that you guys have survived this long without them."
"If he's not willing to eat them, he doesn't really respect your time."
"Like, is he gonna waste his time making a separate meal every day?"
"If he wants that, he should do it himself."
"You've got better things to do."- Better-Expert5105
"NTA."
"Is your husband aware that 90% of restaurants use food that has been cooked and then reheated?"
"As in cooked and then frozen/refrigerated and then reheated before being served."
"So unless he's enjoying fine dining every night, chances are most or all of the restaurants he gets takeout from are serving him 'leftovers'."
"Tell him to get over himself or make his own food."
"Most people don't have the time or energy to cook fully fresh meals every single night."-Kr_Treefrog2
"I purposely make larger meals so that I can freeze the leftovers."
"And I batch cook meals. I like to cook, but not every day."
"Your husband is rude."
"And acting very entitled."- Ladyooh
"Buy him a case of ramen."
"If he doesn't like what's in the fridge, he can microwave himself a 'fresh' brick of noodles each night."- Paddlehands84
"Money is tight + He isn't making his meals = He doesn't have the luxury of being a picky b*tch."
"NTA."- Specialist-Trip-6286
"Idk if this is relevant, but my dad refused to eat leftovers until this year because 'having to eat leftovers means we're poor'."
"Much like my sister, 'no lights on in the house means we're poor'."
"We all grew up in deep poverty with housing/meal insecurity, which brings about illogical but powerful beliefs."
"When my siblings moved out, my mom said she wasn't going to cook every night, and she started meal prepping."
"My dad got sick of take-out and not having decent meals, so he started making his own meals; turns out he loves cooking and every time he says he's excited to reheat it for lunch the next day because 'it will taste better reheated'."- Ladyharpie
"If my husband told me he didn't want leftovers, I'd be like, fine, find yourself something to eat then cuz I'm not cooking for you anymore."
"I don't know who your husband thinks he is, but he needs to realize that food is super expensive and most of us eat leftovers because no one with half a brain wants to be throwing out food."-Traditional-Ad2319
"NTA."
"Leftovers are almost always better."- Brefailslife420
"Sounds like he's very spoiled!"
"Mama's boy!!"- ArtisticSwan635
"Tell him to eat what you're offering, or have some cereal."
"If he's acting like a kid, treat him like one!"
"Some food actually tastes better heated back up later."- LindaNoKings
"My bf is the cook in the house, and he usually cooks 3-4 times a week."
"The others are leftovers and almost without fail, things taste better the next day as all the seasoning comes together."
"Does he seriously think most restaurants make all things brand new every day?"
"Nope, they put it in the fridge and reuse it the next day."
"There is no room for that kind of food loss."
"Yes, things like already-made hamburgers are tossed, but most times things like chicken already cooked are now next day's chicken salad, chicken Caesar's salad, or chicken soup."
"So buying out is NOT a way to get away from leftovers."
"He just doesn't SEE them bring leftovers!"
"Ask him what his favorite lunchmeat and cereal are because now on you are cooking and using leftovers, and if he doesn't like it, go fix yourself something to eat!"- lauraz0919
"NTA."
"Sounds like it's time for him to make himself some sandwiches."- night_noche
If it didn't take the physical toll it would on the OP, it could possibly be a good idea for the OP to do as her husband says, and cook fresh meals every day.
Because then he'll have irrefutable evidence of how expensive it is.
Then, too, the fact that his logic that only people who want to lose weight cook for the week is just as illogical as anything else he said.
As would it really be a bad thing if they save money and lose weight?
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp