We're all aware of the don't wear white to weddings, rule?
Right?
Right?
Well...
Redditor OutsideFinancial125 found themselves in a personal dilemma regarding their relationship with their wife, brother, and SIL, so they turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
"AITAH for leaving wife at home after she revealed that she was going to wear white to my brother's wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So my wife and my brother's wife don't get along."
"My wife has a bit of a temper, but my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] isn't a saint as well."
"However, I was never going to let my wife pull something at the wedding, as she tried to wear a white dress."
"I explicitly told her not to even think about it."
"She did it once; no doubt she'd do it again."
"She can be that petty."
"She said she wouldn't 'stoop to SIL's level' and do it, although she was mad I was just a guest at my brother's wedding, and urged me not to let it slide. "
"I told her that if she even tried to wear white, then I wouldn't let her go through with it."
"She bought a black dress and said she'd wear it at the wedding."
"And I believed her."
"As we were preparing to go, she came downstairs wearing a white strap dress."
"I lost it and asked wth was wrong with her."
"She said I wouldn't understand and that I shouldn't involve myself in women's disagreements."
"I told her to just stop and change, or I wouldn't take her with me."
"She argued about returning the black dress because it was too tight, which was true, but I'm sure this was a deliberate move on her part."
"She tried to get me to let it go as we were late for the wedding, but I insisted she change."
"I told her she was ruining this for MY BROTHER, not just SIL."
"She refused, I called her petty, then left."
"I went without her, and although everyone was asking about her, they understood why she didn't come (they assumed it was because of her beef with SIL)."
"I found about 11 texts all containing choice words directed at me (and my SIL)."
"She went to stay with her sister, who got herself involved and called my family toxic and abusive, and me."
"My mom heard, and the sh**show began."
"Thankfully, Brother and SIL don't know what's going on, although Mom says they deserve to know what type of person my wife is."
"Now I'm stuck between family and my wife, who refuses to come home, saying I need to 'make it right,' whatever that means."
"Should I have just left this between her and my SIL?"
"I did this for my brother."
The OP was left to wonder:
"My question is AITAH for not letting her go to the wedding wearing white?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA, wearing white to a wedding is an a**hole move, regardless of whatever beef is going on."
"This is a day your brother and SIL have been planning for a long time and put a lot of money into- it's their day."
"You did the right thing by protecting it." ~ JuniorGuitar3001
"I would argue that any acting out a personal beef on someone's wedding day is an out-and-out a**hole move."
"OP's wife hasn't grown up out of high school."
"That and the anger issues - yeah, she doesn't sound like a very nice person." ~ trowzerss
"I can't figure out why on earth OP is even considering staying married to her."
"Her craziness must carry over big time into the sack."
"I still don't get why on earth she's worth the drama she creates... that sounds exhausting..." ~ PurplePufferPea
"Exactly. Even if you dislike someone and have a good reason to, their wedding is a very important day in their life, and they only get one."
"To wear white to someone's wedding simply because of some beef is a true a**hole move, just let them have their day, the beef can wait for another day." ~ Rust-Player2
"NTA. Your wife definitely is."
"But I'm also not sure why you are married to someone who never left high school."
"Like, regardless of your SIL, your wife is waving red flags in your face."
"She's selfish, vindictive, and doubles down on her crap."
"Coming from one married man to another, might be smart to reevaluate things bc it's only a matter of time before she starts directing it toward you, if it hasn't already started."
"NTA for this situation, but you TA to yourself for being married to someone who sounds so awful."
"Good luck." ~ SillyTugboats
"So, in your first paragraph, do you mean that your wife has worn white to someone else's wedding BEFORE this time?"
"Man, you need to rethink who you're married to."
"And she's this mad over you not being in the wedding party?"
"I hope you don't have kids."
"You need to do a Homer-Simpson-back-into-the-hedge meme out of your marriage." ~ Adorable_Strength319
"Haha, it's so telling that you had to add metaphorically, I'd give a non-zero chance of physically."
NTA.. GET. OUT." ~ ComprehensiveOwl9023
"Man, I'm just gonna say this:"
"How you treat others is a sign of YOUR character, not theirs."
"And your wife is showing some ugly character here."
"This s**t would be an absolute deal breaker for me."
"On par with being rude to wait staff, kicking pets, or being cruel to children."
"I don't think you can truly trust someone with a mean spirit."
"I'd be waiting for it to be turned against me."
"Ugly on the inside is just ugly." ~ nomadtwenty
"My man. Real talk."
"Your character is revealed in those you choose to have around you."
"We are with the people we think we deserve."
"She's an a**hole."
"She's been one in the past and has no intention of becoming a better person."
"Now the question becomes, why do you feel you have to put up with it?"
"Why do you feel you don't deserve better?"
"You've got some hard thinking to do, and a therapist will help you unpack these glaring blind spots." ~ Astyryx
"Your first sentence is hilarious and sad."
"Yes, she did BUT…"
"Stop right there, say no more."
"You make it sound like it's not a big deal and plenty of girls do this, but it's abhorrent behavior to ever do this once, let alone scheming to do it again to someone who is clearly a rival."
"It's obvious to everyone reading your words who the AH is."
"Please listen to them."
"You seem like a well-meaning enough person who married a manipulative shark, and she will undoubtedly drag you down into the deep with her, in my opinion."
"Good luck in life, with or without her. NTAH!" ~ sea_low_green
"Your wife, a grown woman, decided to wear white to a wedding because she's beefing with the bride instead of just staying home, then called you a bunch of names because you didn't enable her, but YOU'RE the toxic and abusive one?"
"I hope you told your wife not to return until she can learn to be an adult."
"You should also tell your brother and SIL what your wife was planning to do."
"She reaped what she sowed .🤷♀️"
"If you turned up with your wife, it wouldn't just be between her and your SIL."
"Your relationship with your brother will be strained because you allowed your wife to turn up in white for the sake of 'staying out of it,' and attention will be on your wife, then your mother, who was appalled by what your wife had plan will also have issues with you."
"An argument, sure, but a wedding and the colour white is the wrong time to leave this between them." ~ SweetBekki
"NTA. Your wife and SIL sound like childish brats playing these games."
"This is embarrassing."
"If your mom is this emotional about this situation, it makes me wonder what else your wife has done."
"Seems like there's more to unpack here."
"But regarding the white dress situation, you definitely did the right thing and dodged a major bullet of unnecessary drama." ~ Radiant_Pain7025
"To be fair, OP didn't say what SIL did, so a little unfair to say the SIL sounds like a brat."
"It could be a one-sided rivalry."
"Either way, NTA." ~ No-Albatross-7984
"NTA, your wife needs to step back and realize that what you did was save both of you from creating a rift in the family because she wanted to create a sh*tshow at your brother's wedding."
"Anyone who thinks it's a good idea to attempt to upstage the bride should be left at home." ~ H3110_T43R3
"NTA. You are correctly observing social norms that you don't wear a white dress to the wedding if you're not the bride."
"And it does sound like attention seeking from your wife." ~ SnooDoughnuts7171
"NTA. This was your brother's wedding, and she was willing to go out of her way to try to ruin it."
"You stopped your wife from causing drama, stress, and trouble for your brother and his wife on their wedding day."
"You saved her from embarrassing you and from embarrassing herself."
"You have nothing to apologize for."
"It really sounds like your wife is a toxic, petty, small person."
"What good things is she adding to your life exactly?"
"She sounds absolutely exhausting." ~ Objective-Pound2185
Wow, OP, this is a lot to process.
First... everyone is dying for an update, if you have time for one.
Reddit is with you.
Your wife is completely out of line.
It may be time for some difficult conversations about this relationship.
Good Luck.
