Being compared to a famous person or celebrity can be a mixed blessing.
Most people are nothing but flattered to be told they look like someone known for their glamour and good looks.
Being told they resemble someone who is not known for their physical beauty or charming demeanor, on the other hand, is usually met with anything but appreciation.
Redditor Cweev10 recently met up with a good friend, who, in turn, brought a friend of his that the original poster (OP) was never particularly fond of.
Particularly as this friend continued to make jokes comparing the OP's wife to a highly polarizing individual.
While the OP initially did his best to take it in stride, he eventually couldn't take it anymore, snapping at this "friend by proxy" and turning the lunch out into a somewhat tense scene.
Feeling a bit bad about his behavior, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for making a scene when my friend's friend was making fun of my wife?"
The OP explained why he found himself causing a scene while out to dinner with friends:
"For some context, my wife is from Sweden."
"But her mother, who still lives in Sweden, is Ukrainian and my wife got a lot of her traits so she does look very Slavic and, to be fair, it is something that stands out in the part of the US we live in."
"She is also not eligible to be a naturalized citizen in the US for a couple of years, as she hasn't been in the US long enough, and we have only been married for 10 months."
"But, yesterday I went out to dinner and drinks with some of my friends, and one of my close friends brought his longtime friend who was visiting, I've known for a while."
"I have never particularly liked this person, but he's kind of a 'friend by proxy' since he's close with one of my close friends and I just see him a few times a year at most."
"He's the type that has a tendency to really push the envelope on making jokes and will often go over the line, so I already don't particularly like him."
"During dinner, he immediately starts asking about my 'Russian wife, or wherever she's from,' and I explained her heritage."
"He clearly didn't understand and was clearly already inebriated because his response was along the lines of 'oh kind of like Melania!'"
"In reference to the First Lady...who is not Ukrainian or Swedish, she's Slovenian lol."
"And then, trying to be funny, he asked, 'How much does it cost to get her over here?'"
"I didn't think that was very funny, but others did, so I just kind of brushed it off and hoped he'd drop it."
"He said it in a way that was joking, but I gave him a smart ass response back."
"The whole evening he would just ask random questions, some of them actually good questions."
"But, he kept referring to her as 'my Melania' and would do a sh*tty 47 impression when he said it."
"Where it hit the line was when he made a joke about her leaving me just because she wanted to be a US citizen, and then started making jokes about a particular law enforcement agency I can't post on here showing up to our home and making fun of her accent."
"At that point, I could tell other people were kind of like...okay..."
"Little too much here, and I just straight up said, 'will you f*cking stop?'"
"And got into it a little bit and I said some nasty stuff back to him where people several tables over could hear it."
"Clearly ruined the evening and I feel bad for that but It was disrespectful."
"Even though I love to lovingly pick on my wife, I also know she is really sensitive to getting made fun of and she struggles still with some stuff and there's been times where she's got made fun of for not knowing certain slang terms or her accent even though it's subtle and it hurts her a lot."
"So his saying some of that sh*t bothered me, and it would've really bothered her if she was there."
"I maybe could've handled it better, and I do feel like an asshole for ruining the evening, but I was just over it."
"To clarify, my friend was also really upset with me for making a scene instead of handling it privately and I definitely made the rest of the evening uncomfortable."
"I had no quarrels making sure the tables around us heard what was going on, and I had no issue in the moment making it heard."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for snapping at this "friend by proxy".
If anything, just about everyone felt the only thing the OP did that was wrong was not snapping at him sooner:
"NTA."
"But I really cannot believe you didn't get up and leave at the cost comment."
"You allowed this to go on for too long, and even your other friends didn't seem all that bothered."
"You need better friends given the situation of your country."- sideglancegirl
"NTA."
"Your friend is also an A for being more concerned about the evening and less concerned about his friends bigoted comments."- Mizuyah
"'Will you f*cking stop' is pretty mild, given the drunkard's behavior."
"Your 'friend' should be upset with the other guy, not with you, and if he were really your friend, would take your side in this."
"NTA, maybe move on from this group."- AnnaT70
"NTA."
"That guy was horrid, and I'm surprised that nobody else spoke up and told him off."- KarinSpaink
"In any other country, the conversation would have been:"
"'Where's your wife from?'"
"'Sweden'."
"'Oh, cool'."
"And on to the next thing."
"NTA."- mailforkev
"NTA."
"But your friend's friend is."
"I didn't even have to read to the end, but I did."
"Ukrainian Canadian here who has always abhorred being called Russian."- MidtownMoi
"NTA."
"The guy is a hateful person."
"Please be careful, I bet that guy reports your wife to immigration."- Jstrangways
"NTA."
"In fact, that's exactly what women have been asking men to do for decades."
"Hold other men accountable for their shitty behavior and comments."- UngnomeCawler
"NTA."
"And the other people who sat there silently while this guy demeaned and made fun of your wife because she's from another country are also AHs."
"If the night was uncomfortable, it was because everyone was pretending it was normal to mock someone for being born outside of the US."
"Get new friends."- SlinkyMalinky20
"NTA."
"None of those ppl are your friends."
"Please find better ppl."- F*ck_Your_C0uch
"Ahh the societal norm of letting people publicly get away with disrespect because correcting them in the moment is disrespectful and 'makes a scene'."
"Literally bollocks, you did the right thing and probably should have spoken up sooner."
"As everyone else should have."
"Your friend by proxy is a weirdo to keep picking on your wife, he needed to be shut down."
"Your friend can be mad at you for not handling it privately."
"But you should be mad at them for not reeling in their friend."
"NTA."- Serenith_Youkai
"You're NTA."
"He sounds like an overgrown middle school bully."
"'My friend was also really upset with me for making a scene instead of handling it privately'."
"Why?"
"That A-H wasn't making his 'jokes' privately."
"You should be able to respond as publicly as he was making his idiotic remarks."- Dittoheadforever
"NTA."
"But you need to re-evaluate your friendships."
"They should have shut it down much earlier and stood up for your wife."
"Consider if they let him continue because they agree with him."- km4098
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, while also sharing some contingency plans regarding his wife's safety and well-being:
"Wanted to say thank you to all of you who have shared your thoughts."
"At this point, almost everyone in the group has offered an apology to me...except the guy who said all of this, and my friend who was upset."
"That told me everything I needed to know."
"I told my wife, who was away for work, about the whole thing and she isn't upset with me but was very bothered by some of the comments made and it's actually kind of created a situation where we are going to sit down and talk about keeping her safe with all of the stuff going on in the US even though she has every legal right to be here."
Making jokes at the expense of others is always a gamble.
What some might consider "light teasing" may be viewed as cruel bullying by others.
Something that was made abundantly clear to this "friend by proxy".
Even if one doubts that any lessons were learned.
