Being compared to a famous person or celebrity can be a mixed blessing.
Most people are nothing but flattered to be told they look like someone known for their glamour and good looks.
Being told they resemble someone who is not known for their physical beauty or charming demeanor, on the other hand, is usually met with anything but appreciation.
Redditor Cweev10 recently met up with a good friend, who, in turn, brought a friend of his that the original poster (OP) was never particularly fond of.
Particularly as this friend continued to make jokes comparing the OP's wife to a highly polarizing individual.
While the OP initially did his best to take it in stride, he eventually couldn't take it anymore, snapping at this "friend by proxy" and turning the lunch out into a somewhat tense scene.
Feeling a bit bad about his behavior, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for making a scene when my friend's friend was making fun of my wife?"
The OP explained why he found himself causing a scene while out to dinner with friends:
"For some context, my wife is from Sweden."
"But her mother, who still lives in Sweden, is Ukrainian and my wife got a lot of her traits so she does look very Slavic and, to be fair, it is something that stands out in the part of the US we live in."
"She is also not eligible to be a naturalized citizen in the US for a couple of years, as she hasn't been in the US long enough, and we have only been married for 10 months."
"But, yesterday I went out to dinner and drinks with some of my friends, and one of my close friends brought his longtime friend who was visiting, I've known for a while."
"I have never particularly liked this person, but he's kind of a 'friend by proxy' since he's close with one of my close friends and I just see him a few times a year at most."
"He's the type that has a tendency to really push the envelope on making jokes and will often go over the line, so I already don't particularly like him."
"During dinner, he immediately starts asking about my 'Russian wife, or wherever she's from,' and I explained her heritage."
"He clearly didn't understand and was clearly already inebriated because his response was along the lines of 'oh kind of like Melania!'"
"In reference to the First Lady...who is not Ukrainian or Swedish, she's Slovenian lol."
"And then, trying to be funny, he asked, 'How much does it cost to get her over here?'"
"I didn't think that was very funny, but others did, so I just kind of brushed it off and hoped he'd drop it."
"He said it in a way that was joking, but I gave him a smart ass response back."
"The whole evening he would just ask random questions, some of them actually good questions."
"But, he kept referring to her as 'my Melania' and would do a sh*tty 47 impression when he said it."
"Where it hit the line was when he made a joke about her leaving me just because she wanted to be a US citizen, and then started making jokes about a particular law enforcement agency I can't post on here showing up to our home and making fun of her accent."
"At that point, I could tell other people were kind of like...okay..."
"Little too much here, and I just straight up said, 'will you f*cking stop?'"
"And got into it a little bit and I said some nasty stuff back to him where people several tables over could hear it."
"Clearly ruined the evening and I feel bad for that but It was disrespectful."
"Even though I love to lovingly pick on my wife, I also know she is really sensitive to getting made fun of and she struggles still with some stuff and there's been times where she's got made fun of for not knowing certain slang terms or her accent even though it's subtle and it hurts her a lot."
"So his saying some of that sh*t bothered me, and it would've really bothered her if she was there."
"I maybe could've handled it better, and I do feel like an asshole for ruining the evening, but I was just over it."
"To clarify, my friend was also really upset with me for making a scene instead of handling it privately and I definitely made the rest of the evening uncomfortable."
"I had no quarrels making sure the tables around us heard what was going on, and I had no issue in the moment making it heard."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for snapping at this "friend by proxy".
If anything, just about everyone felt the only thing the OP did that was wrong was not snapping at him sooner:
"NTA."
"But I really cannot believe you didn't get up and leave at the cost comment."
"You allowed this to go on for too long, and even your other friends didn't seem all that bothered."
"You need better friends given the situation of your country."- sideglancegirl
"NTA."
"Your friend is also an A for being more concerned about the evening and less concerned about his friends bigoted comments."- Mizuyah
"'Will you f*cking stop' is pretty mild, given the drunkard's behavior."
"Your 'friend' should be upset with the other guy, not with you, and if he were really your friend, would take your side in this."
"NTA, maybe move on from this group."- AnnaT70
"NTA."
"That guy was horrid, and I'm surprised that nobody else spoke up and told him off."- KarinSpaink
"In any other country, the conversation would have been:"
"'Where's your wife from?'"
"'Sweden'."
"'Oh, cool'."
"And on to the next thing."
"NTA."- mailforkev
"NTA."
"But your friend's friend is."
"I didn't even have to read to the end, but I did."
"Ukrainian Canadian here who has always abhorred being called Russian."- MidtownMoi
"NTA."
"The guy is a hateful person."
"Please be careful, I bet that guy reports your wife to immigration."- Jstrangways
"NTA."
"In fact, that's exactly what women have been asking men to do for decades."
"Hold other men accountable for their shitty behavior and comments."- UngnomeCawler
"NTA."
"And the other people who sat there silently while this guy demeaned and made fun of your wife because she's from another country are also AHs."
"If the night was uncomfortable, it was because everyone was pretending it was normal to mock someone for being born outside of the US."
"Get new friends."- SlinkyMalinky20
"NTA."
"None of those ppl are your friends."
"Please find better ppl."- F*ck_Your_C0uch
"Ahh the societal norm of letting people publicly get away with disrespect because correcting them in the moment is disrespectful and 'makes a scene'."
"Literally bollocks, you did the right thing and probably should have spoken up sooner."
"As everyone else should have."
"Your friend by proxy is a weirdo to keep picking on your wife, he needed to be shut down."
"Your friend can be mad at you for not handling it privately."
"But you should be mad at them for not reeling in their friend."
"NTA."- Serenith_Youkai
"You're NTA."
"He sounds like an overgrown middle school bully."
"'My friend was also really upset with me for making a scene instead of handling it privately'."
"Why?"
"That A-H wasn't making his 'jokes' privately."
"You should be able to respond as publicly as he was making his idiotic remarks."- Dittoheadforever
"NTA."
"But you need to re-evaluate your friendships."
"They should have shut it down much earlier and stood up for your wife."
"Consider if they let him continue because they agree with him."- km4098
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, while also sharing some contingency plans regarding his wife's safety and well-being:
"Wanted to say thank you to all of you who have shared your thoughts."
"At this point, almost everyone in the group has offered an apology to me...except the guy who said all of this, and my friend who was upset."
"That told me everything I needed to know."
"I told my wife, who was away for work, about the whole thing and she isn't upset with me but was very bothered by some of the comments made and it's actually kind of created a situation where we are going to sit down and talk about keeping her safe with all of the stuff going on in the US even though she has every legal right to be here."
Making jokes at the expense of others is always a gamble.
What some might consider "light teasing" may be viewed as cruel bullying by others.
Something that was made abundantly clear to this "friend by proxy".
Even if one doubts that any lessons were learned.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.