For many people, it takes a lot of trust and shattered walls to let people in on our insecurities.
Most of the time, only those closest to us are aware of the things that trigger us and can wreck us at our core.
Those are also the ones we hope acknowledge and consider those things that crack our confidence and also the ones we hope do their best to protect us from ever experiencing it.
We certainly don’t expect them to ever be the ones to use our insecurities to break us.
But it happens.
A woman on Reddit doesn’t want to have sex with her husband after he mocked her stutter while they were being intimate, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Chance-Ad9414 asked:
“AITAH for refusing to have sex with my husband because he made fun of my speech impediment?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This is genuinely one of the most hurtful things that has happened to me throughout my marriage.”
“I (f[emale]/24) have been married to my husband (m[ale]/32) for three years.”
“Besides this, we’ve never had a big argument at all and I love him so much.”
“However, two weekends ago, he made me cry for the first time ever.”
“Basically when I was younger, I had a pretty bad speech impediment that my mom and dad put me in speech therapy for.”
“I stuttered really bad and also pronounced my R’s like W’s chronically.”
“Honestly, my parents caught it pretty late because they thought it was ‘cute’ so sometimes it still slips out.”
“It happens a lot if I’m nervous or excited, or if I’m telling a long story but otherwise I talk fine.”
“Well (and this is sexual content so please don’t read further if your uncomfortable with that) two weekends ago, it was my husbands birthday.”
“We did some things for him and i decided to dress up really nice for him, lingerie and everything.”
“While we were having sex, I tried to say ‘there’ but it came out ‘where’ and my husband was like ‘what?’ Cause he thought I was asking him something.”
“I was embarrassed because obviously that’s an inopportune time, so as I tried to say ‘never mind, nothing,’ I stuttered pretty bad and couldn’t get my words out.”
“I watched my husband roll his eyes and pull away from me, staring at me to finish my words.”
“That made me feel worse and he audibly said to me ‘f**king god, spit it out.'”
“I just tried to stop talking after that and my husband was like ‘what are you saying? No?’ Because he could only hear the N’s.”
“I said no, I was trying to say never mind cause my words came out wrong.”
“He was like ‘okay then… just stop trying to talk.'”
“And I don’t know why, but that made me cry.”
“I was just so hurt that he literally didn’t want me to speak because it was annoying to him.”
“My husband seemed concerned for a second, but when he realized I was crying because of him, he was more annoyed than concerned.”
“He just threw a shirt to me and laid down to sleep.”
“He’s been reluctant to apologize to me, but he did when I begged for one.”
“He told me that he was just annoyed because he was excited because I got ready for him, and he thought I was saying no.”
“He told me it isn’t my speech that bothered him, but rather my actions.”
“I don’t know. It didn’t make me feel better.”
“So, the last two times he’s tried to have sex with me again, I’ve told him no.”
“I told him I want him to apologize clearly for making me cry during sex, no less.”
“He told me that withholding sex is a really good way to make us hate each other for something that I perceived as worse than what it was.”
“Is that true? AITAH for this?”
“I just feel like sh*t, and I have no idea what to do.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in.
Many expressed that, first and foremost, OP shouldn’t feel bad about not wanting to have sex with someone who made her feel so small.
“Withholding sex isn’t about punishment. It’s about you needing to feel safe and respected.”
“He needs to understand that.”
“If he can’t apologize genuinely and try to understand your feelings, that’s a big issue.”
“You’re definitely not the a**hole for wanting a sincere apology.” – idolizedlamb
“Life-long stutterer here.”
“Early speech therapy really helped so I probably only really…bog down… a few times a week.”
“If I stutter in front of my wife, she is empathetic and caring.”
“No judgment, no rush, no matter when it happens.”
“That is the only proper response from a human being, spouse or not.” – BigGriz1010
“Nta. Having sex with someone when you don’t want to is obviously farrrr worse than withholding sex.”
“Why is sex so important that he’ll brush over your feelings” – Alive-Surround1280
“NTA I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“It would eat away at me, to be mocked and your pain dismissed and ignored.”
“Is it possible for you to seek counseling with a professional?”
“Because you absolutely do not need to have sex with anyone for any reason, and him laying guilt and blame on you over it is gross.” – Ava_Lenore
“NTA. You aren’t withholding sex as a manipulation tactic.”
“You are not horny, aroused, or interested in sex with your husband until he gives you the BARE MINIMUM of a real heart-felt apology for hurting you.”
“As unintentionally as it may unfolded in his end, he made you cry.”
“He triggered your childhood trauma.”
“After a night of sleep, anyone in their right mind would have apologized.”
“He’s doubled down by refusing. He’d rather pull a power struggle of not having to apologize than actually show love, and respect for his wife.”
“Instead he thinks he can bully you into submission with a shame tactic of accusations of withholding for inappropriate reasons.”
“Not only is he dismissive but he didn’t even try to f**king comfort you in the moment or afterwards.”
“Wtf?! Does your husband even like you?”
“I’d be on the couch or another room at this point, and not allowing him to sleep with me at all until therapy or I’d be filing for divorce.”
“Who throws a shirt and goes back to sleep and then treats their spouse like that?”
“👎” – nonamebrand0
Others noted that her husband’s actions, both in the moment and after, are huge red flags.
“In his scenario, he got mad at you for saying/wanting to say no.”
“I know this isn’t what happened, but how is he getting mad, treating you like sh*t, and making you cry, OK, all because you may have been telling him no?”
“NTA. Keep not f**king him all the way to a therapist.” – Ok_Egg_471
“Let me get this straight, he thought you were saying ‘no’ and his reaction was that?”
“He realized he was the one to make you cry thereafter, and again his reaction was anger? What the f**k?”
“Let him read this whole thing.”
“Yeah misunderstandings suck, but those true colors he flew in those vulnerable moments of yours… it’s all very telling.”
“NTA, OP. I can’t believe you have to even ask, but I understand.” – Whhyme00
And several mentioned that OP having to beg for an apology says all they need to know about her husband.
“Having to beg for an apology? No.”
“After he made fun of your speech impediment?”
“What the f**k kind of a**hole does that?” – SoMoistlyMoist
“Withholding sex is a good way to make you hate each other?”
“So is berating your wife during sex, refusing to apologize, then trying to coerce her into sex or else he’ll probably hate you, which he’s implying.”
“No, tell him that you aren’t withholding sex, until he apologises you simply don’t trust him to treat you right full stop, it has nothing to do with sex.” – TwoBionicknees
“Omg your husband is an a**hole, I could never have sex with him again after that TBH.”
“NTA at all” – MovieLover1993
“…you begged for an apology?”
“That’s the reason a 30yo man married a 21yo.”
“You put up with his BS and abuse.”
“No one his age would be with him in any capacity if he said to them what he said to you” – Valuable-Ad-4911
“You have childhood trauma due to the stutter I assume he knows this.”
“You were in a vulnerable situation and he treated you like crap.”
“You had to BEG him to apologize?? Wtf!”
“Of course you don’t want to have sex with him.”
“He treated you like a sex doll by saying stop talking!”
“At that moment, when you two were as close as you could get, he ignored your hurt.”
“Explain that to him! He needs to rebuild your trust.” – softshoulder313
We hope OP feels a little better about her decision after reading comments from her fellow Redditors.
It sounds like some tough conversations are on the horizon, but no one should be made to feel the way OP felt both in the moment and now… especially not by a spouse.