People who choose to breastfeed can attest to the benefits, such as sharing a unique and physical bond with their baby and increasing their baby’s immunity.
“Wet nursing” used to be a more acceptable and prevalent option when breastfeeding moms were either decreasing in milk supply or were ill or hurt and could not feed their baby.
But that’s not the same as providing a baby with a pacifier or using the human body as one, criticized the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor MenuFit4296 was visiting with her husband’s family when his aunt asked her if she could breastfeed her baby so that she could “bond” with the baby, and she explained she’d done the same with other babies in the family.
Since the aunt was older and had adult children, the Original Poster (OP) was alarmed and immediately refused to let her husband’s aunt have that “bonding experience” with her child.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my husband’s aunt breastfeed my baby ‘just to bond’?”
The OP was visiting with her husband’s family.
“So this is… weird. I (27 Female) gave birth to my daughter about two months ago. She’s happy, healthy, and nursing well.”
“My husband (30 Male) comes from a very tight-knit, Southern family. Most of them are sweet, if a bit overbearing.”
“But his aunt, Pam (yes, real name changed), is on another level. She’s in her late 40s, has two grown kids, and is kind of obsessed with babies. Like… too obsessed.”
During the visit, the OP’s aunt-in-law asked an alarming question about her baby.
“We visited his family for the first time with the baby last weekend. Everyone was excited to meet her. Pam held her, rocked her, and then casually asked, ‘Do you mind if I try to breastfeed her? It helps with bonding.'”
“I legit thought she was joking. I kind of laughed and said, ‘Wait, what?'”
“And she said, totally serious, ‘I did it with my niece when she was a baby, and it calmed her right down. I’ve always had a strong maternal instinct. It’s completely natural.'”
“Um. WHAT??”
“I told her absolutely not.”
“She kept insisting, saying I was being ‘uptight’ and that women have shared breastfeeding for centuries.”
“I don’t care if this was normal in like, ancient tribes; it’s not happening with my baby. I told her no again, very firmly.”
“She got super offended and walked off.”
The husband’s family totally enabled the aunt and her behavior.
“Now I’m getting messages from other relatives saying I overreacted, that Pam was just being ‘nurturing,’ and I should’ve let her ‘try’ because the baby was crying at the time.”
“My husband backed me up at first, but now even he’s like, ‘Maybe it wouldn’t have been a big deal.'”
“No. I’m not letting someone else’s boob near my child. Full stop.”
“But now I’m wondering, was I really that out of line? I know wet nursing is technically a thing, but I didn’t ask for one. And it’s not like I’m struggling with supply or needing help.”
“AITAH for shutting it down?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that this didn’t qualify as “nursing” since Pam wasn’t even lactating.
“NTA. Sure, wet nursing is a thing, but I’m pretty sure your husband’s aunt isn’t lactating. What she was doing was offering her boob as a pacifier. Weird and creepy at best.” – ResolutionSafe6898
“Hey OP, this is exactly what you need to tell your husband and any family member who reaches out to shame you, ‘She’s not lactating, what she was doing was offering her boob as a pacifier.'”
“I don’t care how close-knit a family is, an older lady who isn’t lactating doesn’t offer up her dry f**king tit to a baby that isn’t hers, under the guise of ‘bonding.’ No aunt needs to bond with her niece or nephew that that level.”
“NTA.” – Nikkita8223
“I would also thrown in a and why the f**k would i want to let her use my kid to stimulate her nipples, she can get an adult romantic partner who can legally consent to do that.”
“If she is going to be a creepy weirdo, f**k it, really drive that point home and make everyone look at her sideways because they need to.”
“Breastfeeding and wet nursing are not sexual. Aunt Pam is a creepy weirdo. Women can be sexual predators, too. They just aren’t caught as easily because of stereotypes, and well, typically there aren’t the same kinds of physical injuries because of anatomical differences between the sexes.”
“NTA.” – throwawtphone
“It’s also very bad for the baby, they rely on things being pretty black and white. Breast equals milk, but when you then decide to give a breast that doesn’t give milk, that’s VERY confusing.”
“Also, my baby gets so angry when my boob is empty. And I think more babies will be so so so angry. It is like giving an empty bottle of water to a person that is very thirsty.”
“Also, it is just weird to do when you don’t even lactate. Yes, breastfeeding is a bonding experience. But it is for the mom and baby only.” – Pollythepony1993
“Even if she WERE lactating (which… she definitely isn’t), there’s so much that can be transmitted through breast milk, it’s a HUGE trust ask and an ask that should be initiated by the parents, not a random family member.”
“My sister offered to nurse my newborn. She was still breastfeeding my niece, but no thanks. I’m trying to establish my own milk supply and form a bond with my newborn, born 36 hours ago. Stay in your lane. We’re not living in the Middle Ages here.” – Illustrious_Leg_2537
Others said there were many other, far less cringey ways to bond with nieces and nephews.
“As an aunt, my first thought was HOLY F**K, WHAT. Never in a million years would I have thought that this was a thought that should be even thunk, much less said out loud!”
“Absolutely not. I will bond with niblings without utilization of my tits. You know. Normally.” – ellasaurusrex
“I watched a kid while the mom was on a drunken bachelorette wine tour for a friend.”
“We’re both well endowed up top and she thought I was the best person to feed her child bottles of her breast milk because of the boobage and I even wore her smelly shirt. Indeed, he was pretty happy nestled into my fully-clothed boobs drinking from his bottle.”
“So yeah, boobs are awesome and comforting to a kid. But THIS? This is gross as f**k.”
“And yo, I was absolutely covered in drool, her breast milk, and totally sticky. It was disgusting. But that baby passed out cold on me every time I fed him, so I did a decent job. I took a long-a** shower though…I smelled like cheese.” – CantHandleTheThrow
“There are much more fun, non-freaky ways to bond with niblings! Some of which can also torture your siblings, like introducing the wonders of slime to the four-year-old…”
“(My sister-in-law is still salty about it…)”
“…or getting the noisiest, creepiest baby toy…”
“(My sister can’t handle Furbies, so obviously, her little one needs three or four).” – Nikkita8223
“She could have offered to bottle feed the baby with mom’s breast milk? There are healthier alternatives? Even if she was lactating, no telling what the diet of the aunt is? I would not allow someone to feed my child something unknown?” – marbles1129
Some urged the OP not to let her husband’s family babysit, as they were fine with Pam’s behavior.
“No babysitting from aunt again, and if someone lets her do breastfeed your child, then you are filing for divorce and taking the baby.” – Jepsi125
“No babysitting for that whole side. I would also make it VERY known that you would consider someone else breastfeeding your child (especially a NON lactating aunt) assault and you will absolutely press charges.” – invisibleconstructs
“OP, be careful with your husband’s access to the baby as well. I don’t like his response. Sounds like he’d have no issues if she did it now, behind your back.” – Lopsided_Turn4606
“OP, please remind the family backing up Creepy Aunt that, ‘Parents bond. Relatives visit.’ Auntie has zero need to bond with the child via suckling (eww).” – CherryblockRedWire
“I say for the time being, the OP needs to be in close proximity to her baby at all times unless they’re home and baby is asleep, she needs to be very close, like not let baby out of sight.”
“Her husband needs a reality check, maybe with the pediatrician, maybe with a nurse, maybe with a couple’s therapist or a therapist of his own, but until OP can say without a shadow of a doubt her husband has her back and understands and fully agrees with her outrage and decision, he can’t be trusted to not take baby ‘for a quick visit.'” – Newgirlkat
“Breastfeeding is not a sexual act, so don’t come at me for that. It does become highly inappropriate and unacceptable when a mature woman who no longer has supply insinuates that children need her nipple in their mouths in order to bond with her.”
“In what world is this ok? OP, NTA. Keep this woman as far away from your baby as possible. I’d also like to have a few words with your husband. If he does not back you up on this, he is showing you a massive red flag. Do not ignore this one. This is a deal breaker.” – AnneLavelle
The subReddit was deeply disturbed by what they had read and assumed the worst about the OP’s aunt-in-law. It was doubtful that she was still lactating at an advanced age when her children were all grown up, which meant that she wouldn’t be breastfeeding or “wet nursing” at all.
There were implications attached to this act that are not associated with the calm necessity of feeding a baby, and none of them were good.