On a wedding day, should family focus be on the impending nuptials all day or just an hour or so before the ceremony?
A younger sister who thought pulling family focus onto herself and her high school volleyball game on the morning of her sister’s wedding was OK, turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
PradBittsy asked:
“AITA for playing volleyball on the day of my sister’s wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (18, female) am on my school’s volleyball team and we had a match scheduled for the day of my sister’s (24, female) wedding. The game was early in the morning, the wedding would be at night, so there would be no conflict.”
“Anyway, some relatives of ours who were in town just for the wedding, heard me talking about the match and chose to go. It was their own decision, I only mentioned the game, but didn’t invite anybody personally.”
“After the game, I came home. My team had won, I was excited, and some of our relatives were asking me about the team, and whether I plan to continue on playing when I’m in college, etc…”
“My sister was already there—she chose our parents’ place as her wedding HQ—and I could instantly tell she looked upset. When we were alone, I asked her what was the problem.”
“I thought something was wrong with the wedding planning at first. She went off on me about how this was supposed to be her day and I made it all about me when I chose to play and when I told our family about it.”
“I told her I can’t control other people’s reactions and that I didn’t insist for anyone to come, but she was still upset. We couldn’t continue the conversation because she was about to get her hair and makeup done.”
“We get to her wedding and, of course, she had other things on her mind.”
“But after the ceremony, I went to hug her and her husband during the party, and I told her a brief, ‘I still want to talk to you about today’, but she just said, ‘Now is not the time’. And that’s where we are now, we didn’t talk any further.”
“The point was that I didn’t get a chance to talk to her until the receiving line, because she was surrounded by people for the rest of the day and of course I couldn’t talk to her during the ceremony. As I waited my turn I was uncertain of what to say.”
“So, first I hugged her, I told her that I loved her, that I was happy for her. She nodded, but didn’t say anything back.”
“I didn’t want to ignore our last interaction, so when I said ‘I still want to talk’ about what happened, I didn’t mean then and there, just at some point, like to make sure I was trying to acknowledge what transpired between us and not fully ignoring it.”
“I thought about saying ‘I’m sorry about today, you know I love you’ etc… (that was one of the things I rehearsed in my mind while waiting in line). But I thought apologizing would be the same as trying to have a conversation right there, and it was better to save it for later.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“The action that I took that should be judged is, I decided to play a match that was scheduled on the same day my sister got married, and some relatives who heard me talking about it went to watch it even though I didn’t invite anyone in particular.”
“Why this can make me an a**hole is, my sister felt my attention and the attention of everyone in the family should be on her because it was her wedding day, and my excitement for winning the match might have contributed to taking the focus away from her.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The majority of Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“I’m gonna say YTA. You should’ve dropped the subject and only talked about IF she told you she was still upset about it AFTER her wedding. You bringing it up may leave a sour taste in her memories about what should’ve been a special day.” ~ bearbear407
“You weren’t in the wrong until the last bit when you wanted to talk about it at the party. That’s where YTA. That wasn’t the time to discuss anything.”
“As it was your sister’s wedding, and it was her moment to shine. Not for you to bring up what happened earlier. You should’ve waited until the following day to even start that conversation.” ~ Old_Inevitable8553
“YTA. I’d say to wait until after the honeymoon to start the conversation. OP should have just put the morning completely aside for the wedding, and hugged the bride and groom to say congratulations, I love you, welcome to the family, etc…”
“OP should write an apology letter, handwritten on paper, and mail it to the sister. That way, OP can be the one to start the apology conversation, but the sister can be the one to decide when to read it and when to reply.” ~ Magerimoje
“You are fine until you mentioned it again during the reception. For that, YTA.”
“You knew she was upset. She had let it go to enjoy the day. And you decided to bring it up while she was literally in the middle of her wedding celebration? Really?” ~ Disastrous-Nail-640
“YTA. ‘I told her a brief “I still want to talk to you about today”.’ So you thought her wedding, which is supposed to be the happiest days of someone’s life, was the appropriate place to try and continue an argument with the bride? Really?” ~ notlucyintheskye
“For me it’s NAH for the morning. Volleyball wasn’t wrong and being annoyed family went to volleyball is understandable. Then reception is YTA so that’s the judgement.”
“Even if we decide the bride would’ve been the a**hole in the morning, the two carry very different weights.” ~ AWDChevelleWagon
“YTA. I can just tell you’re kind of annoying based on how you literally whispered to her at her wedding ‘I still wanna talk about this’. Like, girl, let that sh*t go!”
“You were yapping about your game, she told you she was upset about that, you still bring it up at the wedding despite knowing what the situation is‽‽ You already missed your chance to let it go, now you’re just pissing her off even more.”
“You’re annoying and you’re the a**hole.” ~ aquariusprincessxo
Although some thought everyone sucked here (ESH).
“I’d give her that benefit of the doubt, but it would be an ESH for the timing of bringing it back up otherwise. The sister was being an a**hole for caring about family being interested in her sister’s life at all on her wedding day. Get a grip of yourself—you’ll be centre stage all the rest of the day.” ~ Agreeable_Ad7002
“ESH. If you had left it alone, instead of bringing up the argument in the middle of her Reception Line, you’d be NTA. But you didn’t drop it, even in the middle of her big day.”
“You are correct in that you can’t control other people, and being excited about a win is cool, but you kept bringing it up. That’s where you went wrong.”
“And your sister is silly for being upset about it prior to the ceremony. Very fully justified in being upset you brought it up DURING the celebration.” ~ Awkward_Energy590
“Eh, a little bit ESH. At first I thought just your sister because she overreacted to people being excited about your volleyball match (a bit narcissistic of her). And you were fine until you said that you still want to talk about what happened while you were *at the wedding*.”
“Not appropriate, even if you meant you wanted to talk at a later date.”
“You already knew she was upset, so you should have kept the peace and let the rest of the day be about her without mentioning your argument. The time to bring that back up would have been days/weeks later after things settled if she was still upset.”
“Even if she was still upset with you at the wedding, you shouldn’t have reacted and just given her space. Now, just leave it alone and see if it all blows over. Don’t bring it up again unless you see an obvious need to.” ~ Els-09
And a few absolved the OP because they just don’t like brides or weddings (NTA).
“You are NTA and I am So. Damn. Tired. of brides insisting that their wedding day is ‘MY day!’ Why is it always THEIR day‽‽” ~ Royal-House-5478
“Wedding entitlement culture is friggin’ crazy. It’s one f*cking day, get over it sis! You literally did nothing to impede her day.” ~ RomDog25
“NTA. You winning your volleyball game and relatives watching is no big deal. It was like providing entertainment before the wedding.”
“They must have been bored waiting for the wedding and needed something to do and they all got to visit while the game was being played.”
“Weddings are too much. There is always drama. Eloping is calmer.” ~ 2015juniper
The majority found fault of some kind with the OP’s actions.
Hopefully she can find an appropriate time and place to mend fences with her sister.