Helping people out financially can be a slippery slope.
It’s in most people’s nature to do so whenever asked… whether or not they can afford to do so.
Where it can and often does get people into trouble, however, is when they do it often enough, people start to expect that help.
Sometimes not even thinking to ask before taking money.
The mother of Redditor D*ckcystmcgee often relied on the original poster (OP) for help.
While the OP initially didn’t mind offering her help, things took a turn for the worse when the OP’s mother took money out of a shared account without consulting her first.
Money the OP was saving for a very important reason.
Leading the OP to take somewhat drastic measures against their mother.
After being scolded by their family, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for pressing charges against my mom for stealing money from my dog’s surgery fund?”
The OP explained why they found themselves taking legal action against her mother:
“My entire family is calling me selfish and greedy for doing this.”
“This all came to a head yesterday, but here is some backstory: my mom decided to use my shared account (she has her own card, but it’s my name on the account) with her to buy over $5k in products for Avon because she believes it’s going to change her life.”
“This is a Latino household, and for the longest, I’ve given her access to my account because sometimes I help with bills and what have you.”
“But I’ve been saving money because my dog needs a liver shunt surgery, scans and recovery meds.”
“She took it upon herself to take the money and won’t give it back. My entire family is calling me crazy for prioritizing my dog over my mom.”
“This came to a head when I called the police about it.”
“They said it’s a civil issue, but my family HATES me now.”
“My little brother said I’m a huge a**hole.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for pressing charges against her mother.
Just about everyone agreed that what the OP’s mother did was theft, plain and simple, and the OP took the only possible course of action under the circumstances:
“JFC no.”
“NTA.”
“Parental theft of money is NOT F*CKING OK.”
“It happens so often, and kids just take that kind of abuse on the chin.”
“I saw your other post and felt for you.”
“The text messages were spot-on what I would expect.”
“Good on your for taking action.”- Forsaken-Sink3345
“NTA.”
“She didn’t put any money into it, and it was being saved for something life-saving.”
“It’s not like she used it for bills, food, or something medical for herself. She used it on what’s likely an MLM.”
“She’s selfish, and a thief.”- Neppetaa
“So wait — your family says that you’re prioritizing your dying dog over your mom, WHO BOUGHT $5,000 WORTH OF AVON CRAP?”
“Avon products are not a NEED. I would be livid, and I’d probably be willing to lose my family over it.”
“NTA.”- valkyrieway
“NTA.”
“This isn’t about choosing a dog over family it’s about theft and broken trust.”
“Your mom took your surgery money without permission, and that’s damn wrong.”-Arorua__Mendes
“NTA.”
“Let’s call it what it is…theft.”
“She STOLE $5000 from you for some Avon products.”
“Not for food, or a new roof, or to replumb the entire house because there’s a leak under the house, and all of the corroded pipes need to be replaced.”
“She took it for Avon!?”
“Even if there had been an actual household emergency or family emergency that would have been a worthwhile investment, she should never have taken that money without your consent.”
“Please file against her for small claims court, and, for god sake, take her name and information off of any accounts that you currently have shared with her.”
“Good luck!”-Jovon35
“NTA at all.”
“She should never have access to your money ever again, and it’s time to let her know she has lost your trust.”
“I hope your dog is okay.”- spookyookykittycat
“NTA & Avon is a MLM; your mom will likely not be able to make back much (if any) the money she stole.”- VironLLA
“NTA.”
“I mean, come on, dude, do you even need our opinion?”
“Over 5,000 US Dollars?”
“Press the charges.”- -w1tch
“NTA at all, especially over Avon products?”
“You were saving YOUR money for YOUR dog’s surgery and she basically stole that.”
“It’s a huge violation of trust as well.”- Free_Seaworthiness28
“NTA.”
“Dogs are family too.”- Alternative_Crab_367
“NTA.”
“If your family cares that much, THEY can pay for her Avon crap.”- testever
“NTA.”
“But get a new account at a different bank, and DO NOT give her access to it.”
“Since she was on this account, she can technically drain it, and that sucks because there’s not much you can do about it.”
“If she does not pay you back, please do not give her any more money.”
“Personally, I would go NC over this with her and anyone who thinks she’s right.”- ChicagoWhiteSox35
“In the story as told, NTA.”
“She stole your money, won’t give it back.”
“It’s not anyone’s business what you do with it except you.”- Jeffrey_Friedl
“NTA.”
“I’d tell her to start selling now.”
“Avon is mlm.”- Key_Step7550
“Some years back as my mom started getting older she did stuff like added my sister to her bank accounts so she could get assistance with stuff.”
“It turned out a few years later that my sister had been stealing from it.”
“As he or not legally stealing because it’s joint access but just using mom’s money to buy stuff.”
“They have been living beyond their means for a while and stopped getting support from the other side of the family and just decided to find another way they could get money, ethics be damned.”
“They were also jerks in other ways that are decided that we’re terribly offensive to them so it was easy but I have entirely cut off contact with them and have no plans to ever forgive them for this sort of egregious and repeated behavior.”
“Plan on being extremely rude to them if they show up for the funeral whenever that happens.”
“Super duper NTA and your whole family sounds toxic as hell.”
“Be careful how much you’re in contact with them, don’t believe anything they say, and for the love of God make sure they don’t have the slightest access to your funds or property or anything because they have all just shown they can’t be trusted.”
“All good wishes for your dog.”- shoobe01
“NTA and my heart breaks for you, but if her name is also on the account, she legally has access to it and technically didn’t commit a crime.”
“There are no charges to press.”
“You need to open a new account at an entirely new bank (if you previously had Bank of America, go to Chase, for example) so she can’t access your money anymore.”
“I’m so sorry your mom is a selfish dumba**.”- BufferingJuffy
“NTA.”
“She stole your money.”
“It doesn’t make any difference what you were going to spend it on.”
“She is a thief.”
“Take the remaining money and close the account.”
“Sit down with her and set up a repayment plan.”- feminist1946
“NTA.”
“When our dog needed $4000 surgery, we didn’t blink an eye.”
“Does that tell you whose side we are on?”- Dog_Concierge
“Nope, NTA.”
“I saw your post the other day as well and you are 100% right.”
“I can’t understand how the cops say it’s a civil matter?”
“She literally stole money from you!”
“What’s going to happen to your pupper?”- Kayhowardhlots
“NTA but, mom having access and a card to the account, and if there is no paperwork stating what the bank account is for, I think it’ll be an uphill battle for you.”
“Especially as you have your family against you.”
“I’m not saying don’t do anything, I’m saying if to do you need to shore up and think things through very carefully.”- Key-Ad-5068
“NTA, and I’d make sure that everyone she tried to sell to knew that she got started with money she stole from you that was being saved for your dog’s liver surgery.”- debinprogress
It’s hard to imagine how the OP’s mother could have felt that buying beauty products took precedence over literal life-changing meds and procedures for the OP’s dog.
Or that she felt it was ok to take money that wasn’t rightfully or legally hers.
Or how the OP’s family seemed to focus on the OP’s dog, and not that the OP’s mother took the OP’s money.
The OP’s mother was at least right about something… buying those Avon products did fundamentally change her life.